Writing The New Breed: Face to Face with Death

[Jagan]

If you thought they were scary as a kid, come look at them now. The dinosaurs mutated into more powerful, hideous creatures who love blood. Five men were stranded on an island with these terrible creatures and told to set up a base for more troops to land at. Two weeks and still no back-up.
"Barkley, where is that .44mm pistol with the silenced scope?" Jacob asked. He was going out to work on the jet and thought he might need some protection. He found his gun and left. Aroaring overhead caused everyone to freeze and activate Fline 1. Fline 1 is a system with radar and ultra-sensitive detectors evrywhere within a three-mile radius.
Joe came running through the barrier at a high speed. He burst into the jet cockpit. I looked at him. "I spotted two C-130's comming this way." He sputtered, gasping for breath. Jacob got up and went into the landing area. Everyone was there. Nick shot a flare up and the planes landed.
An admiral stepped out and met me at the end of the steps. "What's going on?" he asked. Jacob and the admirall walked through the compound as Jacob explained the situation to him. I ran up to them as fast as I could.
First, I saluted. Proper military operations. "Admiral, General, We have a situation here." I said.
"Barkley, the admiral is here." Jacob sternly demanded.
"Sir, someone or something has broken through the barrier. It's headed right for us. The C4 is ready and in place." I told them. "Sir, any orders?" I asked again.
"Get ready. Tell everyone to pack up and get in the planes. All the equipment, too." the admiral said.
"Sir, Yes Sir." I saluted and ran back to post. If that thing got to us. I would meet it first. Everything was readsy when the ground started shaking and the roaring got louder. I readied my gun and put my finger on the trigger, ready to fire.
Next thing I know, I'm face to face with the most hideoous, disgusting, ugliest creature that I had ever seen. We were in for a long ride. The thing roared and I saw almost all the way down it's neck. What choice did I have? I fired into the thing.


Like? I'm still working on it and I have Chapter 2 half-way done and the sequel started. Help me if you can. I'm writing this for an English paper due Friday. Please help me!