Writing For self inspired poets and those who dont rip off other ppl's stuf

[zerocrisis]

Abandonment


The silence is deafening
My soul no longer speaks to me
My family deserts me
My friends shun me
I am alone
My souls departs my broken body
I scream but my lips do not move
I am screaming inside
"I want to live, i want to feel pain, happiness, anger, sadness i want to be free of this cold lifeless void which i am trapped in"
Sins of a past life now haunt me
as I realize the shortcomings of my life
i see that I am doomed,
doomed to forever live in the haunted shadow of my past
mistakes,
and i am always longing for the day when death's cold
but welcome hand rests on my shoulder and takes me into eternity

By: Meiekl Howell aka: Zero

[Sui Generis]

You know normally I'm not an advocate for free verse but lately I've grown to like it more.

Your poem is no exception, there are tid bits of work needed, but nothing seriouse. After all all literature can be improved...

Good job! ;)

[zerocrisis]

Thanks any corrections are welcome, jus tell me where i need to make them if i miss any

Hey im intersted in other poems they can be about anything and when i get a little more time i'll write some happier ones or depending on what im feeling at the time and at the sametime u ppl can drop a few words if u like

[b]Please do not double post, use the "edit" button instead. --Elite.[/b]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=1][color=darkred]Most of the poem I just don't like. I don't know if it's the freestyle or anything, but most of it I don't like. It sounds rather self-pitying to me. I do, however, particularly like the last line, [b]welcome hand rests on my shoulder and takes me into eternity[/b]. Otherwise, heh.[/size][/color]

[Vegitto4]

it's awesome. i love it. i used to write in freeverse, but lately, i started using a slight rhyme scheme. This poem is one of the best i've read, probably because i identify with it alot.

[zerocrisis]

WildFire

A blazing machine of destruction cold and ruthless
but, at the sametime burning with a magnificent intensity
It consumes all in its path
and grows stronger with ever life it takes
Screams fill the air , thicker than the smoke
It seems like all hope is lost but,
At the final moment the skies rumble and the clouds part
The sweet drops of rain take over the battle
And two old foes battle once more and this time the flames of old
lose the battle and the sun once again shines on the battleworn fields and the bring the rays of dawn to the fading night

[vegeta rocker]

i can write either way but it depends on my mood.
i don't paticurly like it though. The free verse i write usually kind of links together. Yours doesn't too well.
But keep at it and you may make a fan out of me.

[zerocrisis]

Yea i kno it doesnt really link up i wasnt really feelin it so next time ill concentrate next time