Vegitto4 Posted March 26, 2003 Share Posted March 26, 2003 Forsaken As I sit here Cold and neglected I often wonder why I'm always rejected For all I want In this cold, numbing place Is to look up And see your Loving face Alas, all I can do Is sit in this windblown wasteland And forever ponder " Why am I forsaken?" Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
conpiracymonki Posted March 27, 2003 Share Posted March 27, 2003 [b][size=1] I like the weak use of rhyming. ^__^ Anymore, and it would've been too much, but you got it right. I also like your description of feeling alone. The only thing I think you should've done is kinda gone a little more into the whole 'loving face' thing. That would've sized up the poem a little more, and given something more to read on. It saves the 'loving face' thing from just being a one-liner too.[/b] If you know what I mean. >.>[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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