Writing beloved

[vegeta rocker]

Here is a new one. But be sure to read it piece by piece. If you skip around it will ruin it.
This is to my dear love who i lost recently, she meant everything to me. No one will ever come close.

Beloved

i wish i
could have
held you forever

feeling your smooth
white skin
against my hands

in the moonlight
you had a
special glow

one that made
me want to
stay up all
night

and just be
with you
and pretend

that it would
last past
forever

you stood apart
from the
dark mysterious
beauties

i had you
and that was
all that mattered

you made even
heaven seem
dim

when you got sick
my heart was cut
in two

it couldn't be right
you were so young

when i asked
you what i
should do

you said nothing
as if you yourself
didn't know

i remained by
your side
and then

you were gone
and i held you
in my arms

for the very
last time
but the tears

wouldn't come
there were
just too many

theres someone
else now
she looks

just like you did
when i first met
you

sometimes i pretend
she is you

whenever im with
her
i remember all

the adventures
that we
had together

when i look
at her
i see only you

if she notices
she doesn't let
on

maybe she
is just as in
love with me

as i am with you
and fools herself
as well

i will never
stop missing you

even when i die
i will search eternally for
you

my beloved
my dear one
my.............

dreamcast ^-*

[TheDarkOtaku]

That was a great poem. It just goes to prove love is an extremely strong emotion. (BTW, sorry about your loss, :( )

[Mitch]

[color=red] Not too bad. Nice to see another poem from you, VR, it's been quite awhile. It wasn't anything impressive--nothing too poetic--but I love your constant enjambment and the overall somewhat simple way your poems go. 7.6/10. It's great...until the end. The ending wasn't too definite and..dreamcast? It just doesn't fit the overall poem. But good work. Always nice to see you still writing. [/color]

[vegeta rocker]

thanks mitch, i always look forward to your responses. As for the poetic use, well it was mostly a joke on a creative writing teacher. But keep your eyes open, ill be posting some serious stuff later.

And to the dark otaku, thanks. but like the poem said i have a new one.

[Boo]

Its cool. Just change the Dreamcast part out of it so it keeps its theme ;)

[vegeta rocker]

well it is going to be redone. I will take the rest of the poem not including the dreamcast and redo it.
then it will be a serious poem.
i would appreciate posts on what the last stanza should go like.