Writing Summer Freeze

[Rhys Mayiessen]

[color=skyblue]I don't even know why I try to write stories but I'm bored so I decided to put the first bit of a story I began to write.

Elëgaith sat in his study, looking at one of his many spell books. He did this every night, committing all the spells he could to memory. Something moved out of the shadows, but Elëgaith didn?t even bother to look up from his work.

The creature was small and slender, with wings that looked too big for the slender body. The tail was long, at its tip a long barbed spike dripping with venom. Its scales were pitch black, all light seemed to dim in its presence.

The dragon landed on the mage?s shoulder, the mage not even flinching as the dragon?s claws dug deep into his flesh, ?Good evening, Master. I see you are hard at work as always.?

The mage responded by waving the irritable dragon off his shoulder. The dragon, undaunted, landed on the other, ?Come on now Elëgaith,? wined the dragon forgetting the formal name. ?Aren?t we friends??

?I am seriously starting to reconsider that,? said a cold voice from beneath the black hood that made the dragon shutter. ?What are you doing here Dralegar? What is so important that you must disturb me during my studies??

?Can?t an old friend say hi? Am I not allowed to see you work? Don?t you want me here?? Dralegar asked sweetly.

?No,? Elëgaith said coldly. ?You must have a reason or I?ll send you back to your dark plane where I?m sure the others will be happy to take revenge.?

The dragon gulped down a lump of fear, ?No?no need for that Master. I?I do have news.? Dralegar jumped off the mage?s shoulder and plopped down upon the desk. Putting a clawed foot on Elëgaith?s spell book, Dralegar saw the mage look up from his work for the first time since he had come in. ?Very interesting news.?

From deep within the hood, Dralegar saw the mage?s eyes glitter in the cold light of the moon. He couldn?t see Elëgaith face but the dragon had no desire to, ?Continue.?

The dragon took a deep breath and started into his tale, ?Even though I cannot, will not, go back to Nuitëa Quëa, my home plane, I can go to others,? Elëgaith?s hand clenched impatiently. Dralegar decided to move ahead, ?b?but of course you already knew that. Anyways I have heard that powerful magic is being worked on this world, I thought nothing of it at the time since there are numerous mages on this world. That is not all they said though. Many of them said the magic is causing a terrible reaction, the balance of good and evil has shifted and with out it fixed this world will parish.?

Elëgaith moved his head sharply, his hood shifting so that Dralegar could see his face. Elëgaith?s face was set in a grimace of anger, it seemed as though It was chiseled out of ebony black stone. His long, slivery hair was matted with perspiration. The dark elf?s black, almond shaped eyes flashed dangerously. ?Do not lie to me Dralegar, you will arise my anger.?

?I do not lie, you know that Master. I only tell you what I have heard.?

?Then why do you mock me?? Elëgaith snarled. ?If there is nothing to be done about it then why do you tell me this??

?Ah but did I say that there was nothing to be done?? Elëgaith arched one of his elegant eyebrows, intrigued. Dralegar took this as a sign to continue. ?The balance has shifted but that does not mean that we cannot shift it back but there is a twist, you need another person.?

?Are you implying, my dear friend that I am not capable of working with another?? The drow asked his voice hardening dangerously. ?I did not come to the surface to be insulted by snide dragons.?

?This person would be hard to work with for anyone evil. You have to work with one that is pure, a favorite of the gods,? the dragon paused dramatically to see Elëgaith reaction.

Elëgaith sneered, ?Pure? Are you sure there is anyone on this desolate world that fits that description?? He saw Dralegar open his powerful jaw in a dragonish smile. ?You have found someone??

Dralegar grinned again, ?You might say that. I visited the forest that this tower is on the outskirts of. I met a clan of wild elves??

Elëgaith snorted, scaring Dralegar, ?Wild elves? Don?t tell me you plan to give me one of those? They are a disgrace to all elven kind, even the drow,? he added seeing Dralegar?s sly look.

?I don?t see anything wrong with them. They seem pretty civilized except they live in caves instead of richly decorated towers. To get back to my point there is one female elf that stood out from the rest. They said she was the healer of the clan.?

?A female? Now you are farfetched Dralegar! If you think I would work with a female healer you are dangerously mistaken!? Elëgaith?s eyes narrowed, observing the dragon closely.

Dralegar looked away from the scrutinizing gaze then flew back to the mage?s shoulder. He leaned down and whispered into his pointed ear, his hot breath scorching the skin, ?If you want to live to see the old age of the elves you will work with the female.?

The dragon took flight, heading for the small window in the chamber. He turned around at the last moment, his red eyes gleaming in the candle light, ?Oh by the way the healer?s name is Shayleigh,? Dralegar hissed then disappeared into the night?s velvety blackness.

Uh sorry if its a little long...[/color]

[Juu]

[color=ff00cc] [size=1]Wow! I really liked it! ^^
I especially like how you didn't repeat words often. That made it alot more interesting to read. ^^

However, the color of your text hurts when you're reading long entries. ><[/color] [/size]

[Mitch]

[color=red] Your style of writing is pretty average. But I do suppose you've just really begun developing it--so thus, it will be some time before you come out with your own unique style.

It wasn't too bad. But mainly, I found that I lost interest. The story you've presented is such a cliche. But overlooking that and looking at your writing in itself: I found it wasn't anything overally mind blowing, but you show a good talent. If you are plannng on developing this, I would love to see it happen.

Your writing is pretty average-again, always try new vocabulary and let writing grow on you. Steal styles from other writer's works, especially those you like. Combine them all into a style of your own. So basically--this is a pretty average story. If I were to rate it I would give it an 6/10. My advice to you is to keep writing and reading and you shall continue to improve from this point you've reached

The main thing I didn't like about this story is that there wasn't enough really happening. Most of it was just straight forward, dull dialogue. But it is only the beginning. I'd love to see you write more of this--see where you can take it. Keep writing. ^_^[/color]

[Rhys Mayiessen]

[color=skyblue]^^;; Hmmm I try, I try...the main story isn't really about Elëgaith...its about the healer Shayleigh...I just got the idea about Elëgaith a few days ago and thought that he'd be a good person in the story. I really like Dralegar though you don't see much of his personality in here. He's actually the brains of the operation and not Elëgaith. I have written more but I have to type it up...I don't like the second part as much but if you want to read it I'll put it up.

Sorry about the writing Juuthena, I'll make it darker if I put another part of the story up^^;;[/color]

[Darkmoon]

Heh, well I for one enjoyed it very much. I never knew you posted it, why didn't you tell me?

Well anyways I like all the parts with Elegath (sp) and Dralegar together. They make a funky pair.

[size=1]Most of you don't know what I'm talkin' about so I'll explain. I read alot more than this in Rhys' note book when she first started it.[/size]

[Rhys Mayiessen]

[color=skyblue]Heheh I never knew you would find it plus as you said you've read it in the notebook...though only the Elëgaith and Dralegar parts...Hopefully I'll make even more funny parts with Elëgaith and Dralegar in it![/color]