vegeta rocker Posted April 1, 2003 Share Posted April 1, 2003 Here I wait for you forever Like the rain Just because I know That you are near And it doesn?t matter however far you go Days on the street Pass me by The clouds are turning Grey Waiting here like nothing Could pull me away Seconds they roll by Doesn?t matter here Cause I know You?re coming And you?re near Still nothing like the Way you say you are But you never were Everything?s burning The bridge behind you now Just don?t turn back I promise I won?t Make a sound And leave me here in this town still waiting For you extreme rough draft, open for suggestions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyLynn Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 [COLOR=deeppink]I really liked that. Its very moving. Keep it up. Kitty[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasrai Posted April 2, 2003 Share Posted April 2, 2003 [COLOR=green][SIZE=1][FONT=arial]It has alot of good points in it, but your asking for suggestions and I give you this one: The way you have it layed out is kind'a bad, maybe it isn't but it just seems so to me, it just seems like you don't have the words lined up or something......Anyways great I loved it, you do write alot of good poems on these boards keep it up! ^_^[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted April 4, 2003 Share Posted April 4, 2003 its realy nice, but I think you use a little to much the Enter button ;P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyLynn Posted April 4, 2003 Share Posted April 4, 2003 [SIZE=1][COLOR=deeppink]You planning on posting any more of your poems. I would love to hear them. :) Until then, Toodles. Me.:)[/COLOR][/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnimeAddict Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by raiye [/i] [B][COLOR=green][SIZE=1][FONT=arial]It has alot of good points in it, but your asking for suggestions and I give you this one: The way you have it layed out is kind'a bad, maybe it isn't but it just seems so to me, it just seems like you don't have the words lined up or something......[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] [/B][/QUOTE] Maybe it's just the way he writes. Look at E.E Cummings. A great poet, very unique style. Good job Vegeta. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted April 8, 2003 Author Share Posted April 8, 2003 The lining up does need work i admit. I have this thing where i have to put the words in neat little stanzas which i haven't been able to do with that darn thing yet. Thanks much AnimeAddict. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posthumous Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 [color=teal][size=1][b]This is great.I like the words.Like calumon said before, it's very "moving"[/b][/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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