Writing poem

[darkrequeimX98]

this is another poem i wrote.hope you like it!its called "Comfort"


its so lonely
the darkness
its become an ordinary thing
like the sun with its blinding light once was
but the darkness is comforting

demons shrouded in tattered rags colored gray
staring at me from below
grasping my legs with their dry spiky hands as i lay in bed
but i stare at the blank cieling smiling
for now it is comforting

dark shades of black fill the walls of my heart
its become a portable beating hell
an infinite black hole that will not stop
screaming of agony
surprisingly comforting

what a life it has been
but now ill end it
with a shrill of laughter
for it has been some rollercoaster ride
hmm.comforting

[VegetasGirl420]

yes, im feelin it. Good poem. Fits nicely with the original anime im doing. Maybe if i ask nicely, can i maybe show this poem to my cowebmaster and use it as an intro to our webpage? Please!!!????!???!???!??!?

[darkrequeimX98]

heres another poem i wrote!this one isnt so dark and evil:)although the form is like that other poem i wrote called comfort.this one is called "Beautiful"

[COLOR=teal]she walks with an effortless grace like a ballerina
with ribbons in her hair flowing like liquid in the wind
while grass and flowers sprout from the ground where her foot lands
as though shes a god
beautiful

shes an angel
i know it
her blue shining eyes
her luscious red lips
inhumanly gorgeous
beautiful[/COLOR]


tell me what you guys think!!!

NO you cant have it!!!im just kiddin.you can use it.thanx for the compliment also.hey what kind of anime are you doin anyways?

[Rhys Mayiessen]

[color=skyblue]Hehe its a pretty good poem though I shouldn't be one to judge I can't write poems for my life...I think I'll just stick to writing stories..[/color]

[VegetasGirl420]

Thank you for letting m use the poem. Im wnting to post it into the anime me and a couple of buddies are doin. they want to keep it on the low low right now, but the character i play is like a demon sorta thing. the poem fits perfectly with it.

[Boo]

demons shrouded in tattered rags colored gray
staring at me from below
grasping my legs with their [strike]dry[/strike] spiky hands [strike]as i lay in bed[/strike]
but i s[b]mile[/b] at the blank cieling [strike]smiling[/strike]
for now it is comforting

Sounds better to me... Dont go to much into the details. Try to make it flow better and make sure its easy to get, so you dont have to do many details.
But anyways. It was very nice, but like i said; flow a bit more ;)

2nd: 1st stanza doesnt flow once again. the 2nd stanza is better though

[Mitch]

[size=1]it[b]'[/b]s so lonely
the darkness
it[b]'[/b]s become an ordinary thing
like the sun with its blinding light once was
but the darkness is comforting

demons shrouded in tattered rags saying gray [strike]colored gray[/strike]
staring at me from below
grasping my legs with their [strike]dry[/strike] spik[b]e[/b]y hands as i lay in bed
but i [strike]stare[/strike]smile at the blank c[strike]ie[/strike]eiling [strike]smiling[/strike]
for now it is comforting

[strike]dark shades of[/strike] black fill[b]s[/b] the walls of my heart
it[b]'[/b]s become [b]a portable beating[/b] [b]a doom dog's hell[/b]
[strike]an[/strike] in infinite black[b]s[/b] i hear the doom dog drawl [strike]hole that will not stop [/strike]
screaming of agony
[b]yet[/b] surprisingly comforting

what a life it has been
but now i[b]'[/b]ll end it
with a shrill of laughter
for it has been some red-blood meat[strike]rollercoaster ride[/strike]
comforting i hear the doom dog's howl
blood runs from my head and down
doom dog's sure he knows now[strike]hmm.comforting[/strike]

[font=rockwell] You show some pretty good talent. I liked it. It just needed a few fixes and such. What I did to it isn't a neccesary thing, but I wanted to see what I could do to this. I don't know if what I did is exactly better in some aspects, but yeah. You forget some basic grammar, and I added that. I don't know if you wanted that or not, but it's just something I have beaten in my head, so I just have to change it everytime I see it.[/font][/size]

[size=1]she walks [strike]with an[/strike] effortless and grace [strike]like[/strike]
a ballerina
with ribbons in her hair flowing like liquid in the wind
[strike]while[/strike] grass and flowers sprout from the ground [strike]where[/strike]
her foot lands
[strike]as though shes a god[/strike]and she lands as though
she is a god
[strike]beautiful[/strike]

she[b]'[/b]s an angel
i know it
her blue shining eyes
her luscious red lips
inhumanly gorgeous
beautiful

[font=rockwell] I did what I could. I didn't like this poem as much, it could be a lot better than it is. But your first was great, so that's good. I also merged your two threads together.[/font][/size]

[darkrequeimX98]

i didnt like the second poem either.it was just something i wrote down a long long time ago.as you can see ive gotten a lot better=)thanx for mergin the threads mitch!