Writing Voice

[Sara]

[SIZE=1]I hear my name called, softly. I turn around. The voice--

"Hello," he says. "I thought I heard you."

His voice is familiar, and, like my favorite episode of "I Love Lucy," there is comfort in the familiarity. [i]Maybe this time Lucy will get away with it.[/i] Of course she won't. I know every line, every mannerism, every outfit, every face--every [i]voice[/i]--of every scene. It will be the same as it has always been. And for that reason, I love it. Here, now, I am safe. I wait for him to speak.

"How are you tonight?"

His voice is a promise, [i]I'm here[/i]. The loneliness of the past week flees my heart. [i]No longer alone.[/i] Sorrow has no place where this voice is heard. For the first time in days, I taste a smile on my lips.

"Hello," I say.

He smiles, but I do not notice. I am hung with anticipation, waiting for his next words. Any words--anything spoken by him is precious to me. Anything spoken by that voice.

"It's beautiful out here," he says.

I am awash in quiet joy, drunk on the feel of his words. His voice is comfort, laughter, peace. His is the voice that whispered comfort to me when I was frightened, his the voice that gently teased me as a child, his the voice that murmurs prayers when I am needing.

"Sara," he says, and suddenly I love my name. "Are you alright?" he asks. "You've been so quiet."

This is the voice that tells me jokes when I need to smile, the voice that patiently explains trigonometry, the voice that soothes me when I am frightened, laughs when I am happy, is pained when I am hurting. This is the voice that has told me secrets that were always kept and made promises that were never broken.

"I'm wonderful," I say softly. I do not trust my own voice, but it is quiet and strong.

"Good," he says. His voice is firm, reassuring. "I was just making sure."

I smile and shake my head. Tonight, I think, I can fly.
[/SIZE]

[Mitch]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Really good. Some of the lines in there are just [i]wow[/i], hehe. Your grammar's near perfect in here. Except for one thing. It's just beaten into me, so ignore me, or something. 'Alright' should be 'All right.' Small, I know. But I've seen so many people make that mistake, I used to, too. It's in par with people saying alot instead of a lot. And things.

Very good. Mitch wants more.[/color][/size][/font]

[Sara]

[size=1]Well, [i]technically[/i] it's a nonstandard, generally accepted...eh...*trails off*

*hugs her dictionary*

Yeah, you're right. I should probably avoid using it.

I'm pleased that you like it.[/size]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[color=darkred][size=1]I just had a thought. If we wrote a story together, would you be able to tell the difference between us? :p


Oh, Sara, it's wonderful. It's quiet, and lovely, and it has the sweetest feel to it. It's so peacful; like a little light in this great big darkness, but it makes all the difference.

It's so pretty.[/color][/size]

[Sara]

[size=1]It'd be an interesting experiment, heh.[/size]

[Charles]

Isn't it acceptable to say "alright" when it's included in dialogue? O.o;;

Anyway, the thing I like about this, is that the mixture of sentences are nice. They aren't all long and overly descriptive, and when there are long sentences, they're usually followed up by something short. Nice. I like the flow.

Also, it's not littered with adverbs, which is awesome. You stick to "he says, she says," which I always prefer. They're tags that always remain invisible--they don't sound funky or mess with the pace.

Anyway, it's very pretty.

[Mitch]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Charles [/i]
Isn't it acceptable to say "alright" when it's included in dialogue? O.o;;

[/QUOTE]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell][b]Usage Note:[/b] Despite the appearance of the form alright in works of such well-known writers as Langston Hughes and James Joyce, the single word spelling has never been accepted as standard. This is peculiar, since similar fusions such as already and altogether have never raised any objections. The difference may lie in the fact that already and altogether became single words back in the Middle Ages, whereas alright has only been around for a little more than a century and was called out by language critics as a misspelling. Consequently, one who uses alright, especially in formal writing, runs the risk that readers may view it as an error or as the willful breaking of convention[/color][/size][/font]

[Sara]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Mitch [/i]
[B][color=black][size=1][font=rockwell]readers may view it...the willful breaking of convention[/color][/size][/font] [/B][/QUOTE] [SIZE=1]And what's wrong with that?[/SIZE]

[Mitch]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Well, to me, all right should be two words. It's just like that to me. You don't say a half 'l' in it, like alright. You say "all right." But as the usage note says, the alright way of saying it isn't really generally excepted anymore. More or less, eventually I think it won't even still be here. All right is just used much more often, and is much more often in many writer's eyes seen the right way to say it.

There's nothing wrong with it. But as a reader and writer it bothers me.[/color][/size][/font]

[Red]

[b][size=1]Last time I checked, 'alright' was an acceptable/real word.

I thought this was excellent, Sara. The overall feel is very 'soft', if thats the right word to use.[/b][/size]

[Mnemolth]

In the dark
A candle flame
And all the night is vanquished.

It begins well and it ends well. All round good piece. Well constructed. It is short, like many of your pieces, and that concerns me a little. Just a little mind you, not a great deal. ;)

But it does seem to me that you should be more ambitious. You should have confidence in your voice. Try to do something more complicated, or different or more involved. Be adventurous. Leave the cave and explore the surrounding hills. Don't worry. The cave will always be there. You won't get lost. :D

B+

[Charles]

Ack, I'm returning to this thread a little late. But, for good reason--that being I can't resist pointing something out. Who knows, maybe I can teach people something. Hopefully, without coming off as a smartass or know-it-all. V_V;;


[quote][b]Despite the appearance of the form alright in works of such well-known writers as Langston Hughes and James Joyce, the single word spelling has never been accepted as standard. This is peculiar, since similar fusions such as already and altogether have never raised any objections. The difference may lie in the fact that already and altogether became single words back in the Middle Ages, whereas alright has only been around for a little more than a century and was called out by language critics as a misspelling. Consequently, one who uses alright, especially in formal writing, runs the risk that readers may view it as an error or as the willful breaking of convention.[/b][/quote]

The thing you have to remember, is that Sara's work isn't formal. She's not writing a letter to an official or sending a memo. For all intents and purposes, this is a fiction writing exercise. It could be autobiographical, but that doesn't take away much from the point I'm going to make.

You see, story writers aren't bound by the same conventions as formal writers. They can take certain liberties. As long as the writer is good enough to pull off what they're doing, almost anything is acceptable. Sentence fragments, for instance, can be used with great results in a fiction story.

So, writers like Hughes and Joyce are free to defy normal conventions, because they're good enough to do it. I've even seen an entire work done with no punctuation or capitalization. It was an effect used to represent the streaming flow of consciousness.

The word "alright" is no big deal. It's misusing words possessives and such that hurt writing. If someone doesn't know the difference between "too," "to," and "two" or "your" and "you're" or "they're" or "their," then we have problems. There was even an English major in my class who didn't know the difference between "where" and "were." To me, that's unsettling.

So, yeah, in case you missed the point of my rambling, there's a big difference between formal writing, and what we're seeing here.

[quote][b]Well, to me, all right should be two words. It's just like that to me. You don't say a half 'l' in it, like alright. You say "all right." But as the usage note says, the alright way of saying it isn't really generally [strike]excepted[/strike] [color=red]accepted[/color] anymore[/b][/quote]

[size=1] Couldn't resist--eep. lol[/size]

[Queen Asuka]

[color=hotpink][size=1]Who cares whether it's alright or all right. I've looked it up in the dictionary and alright is in there. Along with aint. SO GEEZ, stop being so freaking picky!

Anyway, Sara, I really loved that work. My favorite part was when she said she suddenly loved her name. It was so romantic to me.

SO, is it autobiographical? Is there a story behind this...er, story? ;)[/color][/size]

[Sara]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Queen Asuka [/i]
[B][color=hotpink][size=1]SO, is it autobiographical? Is there a story behind this...er, story? ;)[/color][/size] [/B][/QUOTE] [SIZE=1]Just maybe. ^_~

I don't know it I'm sure, myself.[/SIZE]

[Mitch]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] *skims Charles's post*

Just let me have my opinion, my god people.[/color][/size][/font]

[Sara]

[size=1]Return the kindness, mm?[/size]

[Mitch]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Sorry, I'm just really indifferent right now. Perhaps it was. Who cares?[/color][/size][/font]

[Charles]

You know, I don't even know what to say. But, I'll try.

The point of my post wasn't [i]just[/i] about something as trivial as whether the usage of the word "alright" was acceptable or not in writing. It's really not such a big deal.

I was aiming for something more important. I wasn't trying to rob any one of their opinions. I had only the best of intentions in making the post. In short, I wanted to get across the point that a truly great writer isn't bound by conventions or rules or formalities. Things like voice and creativity are more important than that. I don't know.

Apparently that point was missed. And that's not what disappointed me. I just hate when people make posts with some thought put into them and someone blatantly throws it into their face that they skimmed it or didn't read it. That's pretty much the most insulting BS someone can throw at anyone. I'll try not to [i]discuss[/i] anything in this forum anymore if it means I'm stepping on anyone's toes.

:realizes he's straying off topic a bit and turns into vapor:

[Lady Macaiodh]

[color=darkblue]Sara, even though you didn't describe a place, I felt like I was there & could see it all happening in my mind.

I haven't seen someone create a mood so easily in quite some time.[/color]