Writing Amalgamation

[Sara]

[size=1]I just posted this in the daily poem thread, but I rather liked how it turned out, and I'm thinking about polishing it and making it a bit tighter around the edges...

Wondering, I suppose, what anyone thinks of it.[/size]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sara [/i]
[B][size=1]Nevermore--
And I wonder what sort of man he was
And was he afraid when the clock struck twelve
Or was he one acquainted
with the night

And when he walked, was he alone
Death stopped for her, did it visit him?
When a fly buzzed in the room
and he sat sorrowing

And many ages far and away
in that kingdom by the sea
And the heartbeat grew louder--
and proud men grew prouder--
and snow fell softly

Promises and promises to keep
I shan't be gone long
You come too
Madness takes its toll
And the fear grows--wild nights

Premature? Maybe--
Or just unwanted
Unlooked for
Parting is all we know
Unwilling to explain

Out, out--[/size] [/B][/QUOTE]

[KittyLynn]

[COLOR=deeppink]Sara, m'Sara. That was lovely. *reads it again* Beautiful. I can't explain what a ....feeling..A sorta of I don't really what kind of feeling. But Sara, that was beautifully written. *saves*[/COLOR]

[Mitch]

[size=1][font=rockwell] Sounds good to me. Needs polishing, though, yes. I'm not going to say anything 'till you polish it.[/size][/font]

[Sara]

[size=1]Thinking of it, I'm actually satisfied with it, now. I might do something similar, but I'm generally pleased with the feel of this, and I don't want to tamper too much...

There were some things I wanted to add, but I would alter it considerably, and I'd like to keep this the same piece of work...if you can call it that.[/size]

[Mnemolth]

Here's my 2 cents worth. :)

Warning: don't read this if you're sensitive to criticism.

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Its a little too pretentious for my liking. Its stops and starts and jumps a bit all over the place. Sometimes you write something and you're not sure what it says but you like how it sounds. So you keep it and hope that it makes sense. Or you try to impose some artificial meaning to it. Sometimes you get lucky and get away with it. This is not one of those times.

C.


PS: If anyone would prefer I didn't comment on their piece please say so in your post and I won't interfere. I understand perfectly. Rest assured I won't be offended. :D

[Sara]

[size=1]Heh, it does jump around a bit, but I kinda like it.

I guess the point was the idea, not the execution, heh...[/size]

[KittyLynn]

[COLOR=deeppink]The jump around it the part I like. So..thoughtful. I thought it was very creative and pretty. I love it Sar.[/COLOR]