Question (for lack of a better subject title)

[GinnyLyn]

Do you think it is possible to live a life that allows people to wholely accept you as you are, or must you compromise yourself in order to be accepted?

Think deeply. I am interested in hearing your responses.

[DarK DeatH]

Some people can accept you as you are, even though it's hard, there will always someone who will... sometimes you will have to search for your whole life, sometimes they just come to you, but after all, there will be someone...

[Semjaza]

This question is really, really vague lol. I'm not sure where to go with it, but I'll try.

I don't know. I don't really think that anyone can be at an extreme side of either spectrum.

In a sense, if you compromise yourself and your integrity all the time... you have no reason to even be living, in my opinion. Not in the sense that you should just go commit suicide, but in the sense that you're a robot. You exist for the needs and wants of others. I personally wouldn't want to be in that situation, and I'm sure there are people that are (although I refuse to think every person that's depressed is like this, despite how bad they want to make it out to be - we're talking complete lack of [i]anything[/i] that makes you individual. I don't think that's really something that's easily possible).

I'd like to think I mostly do what I want to do, and people will either just accept it or not accept it. Of course, this is not always the case. You can't please everyone, and at times you really do need to compromise many things to make even the simplest of things work.

I guess it just depends on the outcome. If I think it would benefit myself and others to compromise, then I will. If the compromise directly hurts my integrity or credibilty, then no... I wouldn't do it. It all just depends.

Really, I wonder if I even care about acceptance anymore. My good, true friends know me for who I am and it hasn't hurt anything between us. So what am I gaining from compromise? "Friends" and so on that are with me for the ride? The fact that they are somehow getting a benefit and really, nothing more?

I don't want to deal with that crap anymore. I think that if I don't like you, it's obvious. I'm not trying to keep anything from anyone here, and I feel I am a rather honest (and sometimes confrontational) person. At the same time, I try not to be a total dick about it.

I guess my point is, acceptance isn't everything. I'd rather live knowing that I did what was true to myself, than doing something that would appease most everyone else.

But really, that's just not 100% possible for me, or probably for anyone. The way sociology and such are, it wouldn't even work heh. I know I'm not like this, even if I like to be. Although I am definately becoming more like that every week... I often compromise and do things I don't want to do. Keep doing things I don't really want to because of a fear that someone will get on my case otherwise... and so on.

But whatever. I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'll shut up heh.

[James]

[color=#808080]This is a very interesting question.

I think that sometimes, we always compromise our true selves for a particular reason. It might be to please someone close to us (family/friends), to avoid confrontation or something else. There are so many reasons and not all of them are negative ones.

Over the last few years, I think I've learned to "be myself" a lot more. I've realized that even if I try very hard, I'm not going to please everyone. And for a while, I was unsatisfied if I left something lacking (or left someone else dissatisfied with me). But now, I realize that I just have to be my own person and do the best I can. That's all I can ask of myself.

I don't know if I've explained that very well, but it's what I thought about when looking at your question.[/color]

[Frankie]

*clears throat*

I may not have a long response or one that means anything to anyone... (which makes me wonder why i even bothered posting it in the first place)... But i do have..... an opinionm or response to this "Question"

In the past i would say anything, DO anything to feel wanted...to fit in. I learned thats not the right path.... and i only just learned this..... a few weeks ago when i had a ......bad run in at school...

I was going with the flow...against my better judgement just to fit in. But you know what. I have a new idea now.

I am NOT changing myself..modifying myself or compromiseing myself for others to accept me. If they dont accept me for who i am..100% .... then they are not worth... MY time. If i am not who i am... then i am not me... That would make me think "who am i"... And thats not worth the effort.

If they want me to change before they will accept me... Then forget it. They can go find a new lab rat...Mindless drone for themselves. I am staying me.. and if they have a problem with my views...opinions... likes and dislikes... then forget it.

[DarK DeatH]

I don't care for what others think of me, as long as I still have those who are important to me... Those who know me for what I am and who I am, and I would not compromise myself just to please someone who is just a so called "friend"... Never... If they don't like me, just let it be, because I'm that kinda person who says "You don't like me? So what? I don't like you either..." to people on their face, and not on their back...

[Dan L]

Not really. For two reasons:

1: We all have little flaws that we don't like about ourselves, whether they appear in our thoughts and actions daily, or less regularly. We also usually have things that we personally believe, but which go against the beliefs of our friends. The normal response is to try to cover them up so that we may be accepted, or even just not mention them because it'd cause argument, even though a lot of the time it doesn't matter a massive amount.

2: There are some very pretentious people around who will only accept people who appear to be like them. Whether they are actually like them or not is never really an issue, but rather it's an issue of image.


So what I'm saying is that we're all far from perfect, and it's impossible for anyone to live a life without compromising their true self at some point.

However if it were possible for someone to go their whole life without compromising their beliefs or themselves (which we Christians believe happened, but heh.. that was a different kind of guy altogether), you wouldn't be accepted by everyone because some people are just pretentious like that.

(Entering religious opinions mode.. will add spoilers in case you don't wish to read. If you do, then don't complain, because you chose to.)
[spoiler]Jesus never compromised himself for the whole time he was down on earth. Of course, it's not so easy for us because we are 100% human and nothing else. However, despite this refusal to comprise himself, the Pharisees [i]hated[/i] him and were very open about it.[/spoiler]

So in my opinion, you can't really have it both ways, even if you could go your life without compromise.

Of course, there are always [i]some[/i] who accept you as you are (after re-reading the post I dunno whether you meant being accepted by some people or all people), but there are also always those who don't and require compromise.

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]I'm not sure it's quite possible for humans to be accepted by everyone if they act what they feel and believe all the time and such.

For instance, if you felt you wanted to grow up to be a serial(sp?) killer, and you acted that out, I'm sure not a lot of people would like you for being who you are. O___o

I personally wouldn't despise anybody because of their beliefs. If they thought about killing people and thought all the world should go to hell, I really don't care. It's when people act that out that I have a problem... ^^;

I think, also, a lot of us don't want to create arguments with others, and sometimes don't voice our opinions for that reason. My personal belief is that if you believe strongly in something, then you should speak up. But then again, that's just what I believe, and that's who I am.

Others simply want to fit in, which is okay. That's their choice, and that's fine with me. If they're trying to fit in, then obviously they're compromising who they are.

Um... I think I got off topic somewhere... but my main point is that I don't think it's possible to live life always, always being who you truly are, and having others accept that.[/color]

[Lady Macaiodh]

[color=darkblue]One thing that always keeps me from being myself is dress codes. As soon as I put on some sort of business attire, my whole personality changes because I'm supposed to be impressing someone. It's just something my mother has drilled into my head.

Society expects a certain amount of conformity. It's just the way it is.[/color]

[KittyLynn]

[SIZE=1][COLOR=deeppink]Well maybe its possible. But, not really, because if you were someone that someone accepted [I]everything[/I] you do or represent. That would kinda mean you're..perfect? I don't know. But I think you can see through the little things.

^^;; Whoa. I'm not making any sense.

But I know, that I can't make everyone like me. But as long as I'm not 'someone else' or just not myself I'm good. I like to be myself, I don't hide anything really.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Shaun]

Personally, I think that there are a select few people for each individual person that can accept them as they are. It seems that you can have all the friends in the world, but only a handfull of them know the real you. People other than those select few see you for what you do, what you've accomplished, what you look like...stuff of bennifit to them. Not saying that they are selfish, but most aquaintances are in it for some bennifit.

In comparison, if you lose one of your close few, it is far more devistating that it would be to lose just an aquaintance. I know of some people that have been driven insane by the loss of a close friend. It's not an easy thing to bear.

[Sara]

[size=1]Whether or not you adapt to please others is your choice. Everyone does it, a little...Sometimes without meaning to, sometimes consciously.

But do you [i]need[/i] to, in order to be accepted? I'm not really sure if I like this question, or maybe the way it's worded.

You shouldn't have to change yourself so that others like you. If there's some aspect of you that someone can't accept, then it is their job to a.) learn to accept, or b.) ignore it. It is [i]not[/i] your job to change it.[/size]

[Transtic Nerve]

It really depends on who YOU are and where you live... if you are something out of the norm in a society then it'll be hard to live with people accepting you as you if you aren't the accepted norm. If you are the norm, then it's alot easier to be accepted by people... not saying people won't accept the ab-norm, but it's highly unlikely all will.

Think o fit in my situation... in American society and that around the world, being gay is not the norm. Not matter how you look at it. Thus it's very hard for gay people, including myself, to just be accepted. So we compromise... we stay in the closet, alot of people never come out. SOme of us marry women, act straight, etc... We don't show alot of public affection like straight people do. (Unless you're in San Fran and realted cities) I mean when's the last time you walked in the mall and saw two guys holding hands, kissing, or hugging in an affectionate way? It doesn't happen much, so we do conform to social norms alot... Even if it's not what we want, we do it because it's what's accepted and untill we can change that social norm (which is ever-changing herein American and lots of countries) we will have to continue to conform.

[Mina]

It may be possible for very few people.
Just the other day, we had this assembly thingy where we are taught not to modify ourselves to the point where we lose our true selves. Right there, many kids promise themselves they won't do such a thing, but soon more than half of them will find it hard to keep the promise.
It basically depends on the person's will and choices.

Heh..that's me. When i first came to the USA, I don't think I was readily accepted, but now that I lived here for a few more years, I'm getting to be more confident yet still I'm not the life of the party.

[Kwai]

I guess you need to compromise or to change yourself a bit when you go out into society. Its good to be 'yourself', but sometimes, that really does not fit the quota of society. I live in NJ, and I go to a school in NY. I have to change myself accordingly for the two different images I have. I didn't purposely try to create a new image when I entered the school, but now everyone I know in my school has a completely different image of me then the image my friends have back in NJ. I guess that means the ones in NY aren't really my true friends, but oh well... I kinda ranted... X_X

[Solid]

i think we have all tried both, there can be no exception...

anyway, i think anybody should do anything he wants, anything he likes, to act how he wants, but from my experiance, its far harder than it sounds, i think nobody wants not to bind with the people around him. so everyone must change his personality a bit atleast.

as fot the depression, it is really depressing changing yourself to other people aspects of life, can be both this and confusing (im not just thinking of it im living it) it not like you dont know who you are, your just used to not doing things your way...
i have abdopted myself the method of sense of humor ,very good to take a bit of the depression off, averyone likes sense of humor, no matter what it is, so using it always comes with benefit, once you start using it it creates you an image of a dumb person thats the catch though.

wow, is it just me or this is really depressing, so now its 2/2 deprssing posts, comon bring it on...

[Change]

People must compromise themselves publicly at every turn, it's called sociable. However, privately, people rarely compromise their core values and belifes.

[Cora Jane 2]

[Font=arial][Size=1][Quote][b] Do you think it is possible to live a life that allows people to wholely accept you as you are, or must you compromise yourself in order to be accepted? [/B][/Quote]

Well? after much thought? hmmm. I think I would say that it would be a nice ideal, though in order to do this, it would be almost impossible if you ask me. I think that no matter who you are, you will end up compromising in some area of your life, at some time in your life. Even if you think or say that you will not compromise, you are lying to yourself. There are things that you will do, just because people around you are, it?s in style, peer pressure, or you think, ?Hey that looked cute on her, I want to try that too.? That would be compromising. You are compromising your style for society. You might not realize it in the moment that you are doing something, but you might later on, or some one else might notice.

I once said that I would never grow my hair long. Now my hair is halfway down my back, and its natural color. I used this exemplar just to say that you can compromise with yourself. This not only shows that people are fickle, but that things change with time.

I think you can try to be ?you? and not change for anyone, but you have to give a little and take a little for things to work. You might think, ?What the hell is she talking about?!? But it actually makes sense if you think about it. In order to succeed, people need to compromise. You can?t have one person who thinks their way is right, when you say your way is right. You have to compromise as well in this scenario.

I have told myself that I will [u] try[/u] to be myself even when I don?t think that I can show my true self. Things have changed, and I have changed for society and myself? more than once. But either way, you are compromising. Even if you do not want to accept it.

Well that?s my two cents.

Peace Out!!
Cora
[/font][/size]

[Guest Jeremiah]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by GinnyLyn [/i]
[B]Do you think it is possible to live a life that allows people to wholely accept you as you are, or must you compromise yourself in order to be accepted?

Think deeply. I am interested in hearing your responses. [/B][/QUOTE]



So what your saying is do you think everyone will compromise for you
or should you compromise for them?

Well to be honest your not worth my time if you can't at least meet me halfway.:freak:

[ChibiV]

Interesting question. For years, I've tried to fit in and to adapt the new environtment. [spoiler]I'm not an easy person to be around with due to my strange personality[/spoiler] I tried to be every person that I could be to make everyone happy. I found out that, I made no one happy (including myself).

I learned that, I should be true to myself. I don't expect other to accept me, or expect me to be accepted to other. Everyone has a choice of accepting others or not accepting them.

[GinnyLyn]

Yes, I've recently learned what you just spoke of. I had spent most of my life doing what everyone else wanted, pleasing everyone else, and completely denied myself.

Though I was following the Christian way, there was one important point I had failed to remember--Christians are allowed to set boundaries. In fact, if they don't, they get messed over, like I did most of my life. Being a mat for others to walk all over is no fun.

Of course, like many of you pointed out, for reasons of decorum and higher authority, you must put a mask over your beliefs. I guess my question was meant strictly in the friend sense, but good responses all around.

I'm slowly but surely learning it's ok to say no to people, to know that I don't have to put aside my religious and personal beliefs just to make my buddies happy, and so on and so forth.

Trying to think of what else I was going to say, but I need to go to work now. >.>

[Mitch]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by GinnyLyn [/i]
[B]Do you think it is possible to live a life that allows people to wholly accept you as you are, or must you compromise yourself in order to be accepted?
[/B][/QUOTE]

[size=1][font=rockwell] The thing is, I don't know who I am anymore.

But that's besides the point a tad, so I'll try and work this out in my mind.

Everyone compromises themselves in some way. Whether it be consciously, subconsciously, or whatever. Everyone has to sacrifice some part of themselves sometime in their lives.

I don't think it's possible for people to [i]wholly[/i] except you for who you are. Especially if we're talking just first meeting someone.

Because when I first meet someone and talk to them, I'm a completely different person kind of. You see, I'm shy, so I don't really say much at first. I just talk lightheartedly to them, say things that don't really say much.

That right there is compromising yourself. But I do it subconsciously, without even knowing. Psychologically, that's the way I am. When I first meet someone, I just put up a wall at first. Then, as I get to know the person, I slowly realize that I can maybe be the true me to them. The thing is, I don't know who that "true me" is.

So yeah, I'd say you do have to compromise yourself. At least I do. I can't just talk to someone and, at the same time, try not to set some feelings aside.

I don't know, this question's really vague. I did what I could think of..what's been running through my mind.

All I know is there's people out there that you don't have to compromise a thing for. Like you Ginny, you've shown me that in ways.[/size][/font]

[DeathKnight]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by GinnyLyn [/i]
[B]Do you think it is possible to live a life that allows people to wholely accept you as you are, or must you compromise yourself in order to be accepted?
[/B][/QUOTE]

[color=crimson]Haha. You're funny.

Of course it isnt possible. Thats where things like racism and prejudice stem from- The lack of acceptance. It isnt possible because the world has set molds in which it thinks everyone should be in- Each mold different in all our eyes.

Some parents think their children have to be the perfect, grade A submissives. White people think black people should be below them, away from their jobs and security- both of which they feel is somehow threatened by someone with a different color of skin. This society is still trying to break free from the morals and stereotypes that have been established during our growth in the last 50-80 years.

We most likely will never be able accept every person for themself- some people as themselves pose as a danger to everyone around them, and find the only way to keep sane IS to put on a mask. Maybe its best that, for now, not everyone accepts- It makes the ones that still strive to be their true selves that much more ascended.[/color]