Writing um...my story/poem thing

[BearsBaby635]

[color=blue]He sinks his jagged fangs into my neck, tearing the flesh.
It creates small holes. Through the holes flows a scarlet liquid.
It shimmers in the dim candlelight.
My neck goes numb as he begins to drink.
He drains my body of the precious fluid.
My head falls? the liquid still pours?he still drinks.
My eyes close, never again to see the light.
Finally, he stops. He looks at me and smiles.
My eyes flicker open, a new hunger in them.
Now, I crave, I long to drink the liquid that was drained from me.
To taste its sweet bitterness
To hunt the creatures that have it.
Tonight is a new beginning.
I will hunt; I will drink until I can?t anymore.
This is my night. I will feed on any pray I chose.
So beware of me; I?m coming for you.


This is a poem/story thing I wrote the other day. What ya think? I kow it has a few mistakes and such but my friends and teachers seemed to like it and I was wondering what ya'll thought. [/color]

[Sara]

[size=1]It's not quite what I expected. Some of it seems more matter-or-fact than poetic, and it seems a little out of place with the rest of the work.

The whole thing is rather surreal, which is probably something you're going for in a topic like this.[/size]