Writing My first poem

[Guest FallinAngel]

Cold


These people hate me
I don't know why
I feel hatered comeing from them
I shiver in fright

I don't know where I am
I feel like I am floating
I see a door ahead
But I fall a few inches from it

I stand in the middle of nowhere
Feeling vunlurable and scared
I feel eyes upon me
But from where I don't know

These shadows hate me
I just know it
Why did I even come
Why did I even live
Why don't I die
I just feel so very very very........cold......

[Phantom]

Pretty good, I like it but its not as deep as you probaby wanted it to be.

Trying to let out emotions like this requires pure hatred or pure love upon your part. You will get something very scary as your final product and if you take the time to spellcheck when your done, it could very well become a masterpeice.

From my personal experiences in writing melodramatic poetry, when I tried to fabricate the hatred, it would never turn out as good as if I had driven the poetry forth using my own life's anger and just let my fingers move as they want.

[Sara]

[size=1]There's a definite sense of paranoia there. When even the shadows of things hate you, you're in a bit of a bind.

I don't know..I'm used to reading this kind of poery, I guess, and this seems very...general. It touches lightly on a lot of things, but doesn't really explore what might be beneath. The whole thing seems rather..unfinished. Which is a cool effect, when done right, but I don't think it's quite what you were going for.

The last line, though, I really like. Cold.[/size]