Vicky Posted May 18, 2003 Share Posted May 18, 2003 I've wrote this story (That needs to be finished) Called the Devil's war. It's about these guys that create a demon, just like the devil and try to use there creation. But thay also fused there master piece with a human, and there creation went wrong. None of the guys surrvioved. The 'clone' devil (Or the creation) Named its self Devil jin, and went on a search for the human he was fused with and the devil. Devil jin enters the tournement and battles the devil and jin. Jin dies and the devil begian to cry (Don't ask were i got that from) Then devil Jin see's what he put the humans though. Devil Jin gives up his life to save Jin. He said " I was made with no purpose. But now, I see. My purpose is to save the brave one. My life was short..." (I didn't write it out for you because it's to long and some one will say 'Blah, blah you should have put I in stead of I'm!) So, want do you think? I need some advice. The story is okay, it's just the story line on this tread. What do you think? (Don't pesser me on the spelling...):butthead: :butthead: :butthead: :butthead: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted May 20, 2003 Share Posted May 20, 2003 [size=1]It seems like kind of a sappy ending, but a lot of endings are. The story itself sort of makes me think of [i]Frankenstein.[/i] Read that, you may find some inspiration.[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted May 22, 2003 Author Share Posted May 22, 2003 I've heard of that story, but never read the thing. I've just finashed the 5th chater to The Devil's war. I've don it as Devil Jin dismatanles a hole forest in one blow! I write laods of storys, the problem is know one in my family will rate it or help or read! I stand alone in this. My star sign is capricorn, so I will make progress and I should be happier in later life. I spend most of my time as a loner. I thank you for telling me how good the ending was. This was for a compation I did with my friends in school, but they said it was krap... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zerocrisis Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 Hey screw those ppl at school, i write stories myself but im jus too lazy to translate them to paper or to type them, just keep your head up and keep writing and remember not everyone can understand or appriciate genius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blak rose Posted May 24, 2003 Share Posted May 24, 2003 heh heh. i like it. but i agree that the ending needs work, but wat to i know? just as a suggestion, devil jin should somehow come to a world power and get defeated by some little guy with a great plan. but thats reel common, so do wat u want 2 with it. anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurama_Fan Posted May 25, 2003 Share Posted May 25, 2003 Will it be in like a typed format or a manga format? his sounds like a stupid question, but I do draw my own manga and I just wanted to know. k? butI like the plot. I've ben readinga lot o plots about the devil lately, but.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted May 25, 2003 Share Posted May 25, 2003 Zerocrisis: You have an interesting mind if you can actually WRITE with it... :p Vicky: I have to agree with Sara about the certain level of Frankenstein-ity - and [i]that[/i] story has been written too many times before. :( Not very original... Well, it would make a good bed-time story for sophisticated children, though. ;) (Read: it's way too short.) My advice is that if you really put your heart into it, make it more "you" and less something already written, it could become quite decent story. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted May 31, 2003 Author Share Posted May 31, 2003 I have wrote this story! Read me Post! If I wrote this story for you and ever one else, I'd get smart coments, like yours! I'm looking for advice, I don't want to write it! If you really, really, really want to read it, then I'll E-mail it to you. Just say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted June 1, 2003 Share Posted June 1, 2003 OR you could copy&paste it straight to this very thread. No matter how long it is, it will fit, since the new post lenght-limit is so high. I fyou do that, I can review it more properly. :) (And about the shortness, I knew you didn't write the whole story here; I meant that it lacks events - though you might have just left most of it out in your first post... :huh: ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted June 5, 2003 Author Share Posted June 5, 2003 I could try. But it won't let you paste. I'll try to guive you the first chapter. Listin to these guys I made up: Name: Dmitri Age: 108 (Looks 20) Race: Elf Others: Most people refear to him as Die. It stands for 'Drink-in-elf' He drinks loads of beer. Alcahol is his fav weapon! I would post the next guy, but I'll do it later! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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