Writing Yu-Gi-Oh: Havoc of Godforce

[Guest SuperMaxSonic]

: Natt and Darius are walking to the rec area after school. When they get there, Wave notices them and runs on over.
--Wave: Check out my dual disk, sweet huh?
--Natt: (depressed) I lost my...
--Wave: What's wrong with Natt?
--Darius: He was beaten in a dual and lost a Red Eyes Black Dragon.
--Wave: Well, he still has two more, right?
--Darius: Yeah. But there's less chance of drawing them now. Anyways, he'll find something to replace them.
--Wave: Speaking of dualing, did you hear about what the Phantom Dualist did?
--Darius: Huh?
--Wave: Rumor has it that he creamed someone and recieved card #1 of the Godforce expansion.
--Darius: Sweet.

: Meanwhile, a group of mysterious figures are watching them.
--???: (girl's voice)So that's the kid who beat dice man.
--???: (male's voice)Yep, and that one sulking is the one I got this Red Eyes Black Dragon from.
--???: (f)I bet I could cream him.
--???: (m)Go ahead. Take his other Red Eyes.
--???: (f)Sure I have'nt dualed in a while. I'll take him out.

--Wave: The dualing arena's open. Who wants to dual.
--???: (f)I do. But not against you. I want to dual against Natt.
--Natt: Who are you?
: Behind them stands a tall girl with red hair. She's wearing a red, skin-tight top with no sholders, red gloves that reach down to her elbows, tight short shorts, and red high heel shoes.
--Bird: Allow me to introduce myself, boys. My name is Bird. I am an elite dualist. I hear that Natt is also a good dualist, but recently lost his Black Dragon. Dual me, and if you so happen to win, I'll give you a card that will more than make up for your loss.
--Wave: Are you a dualist or a hooker?
--Bird: Hey, fatty. If you had something that resembles a hot body, I don't think you'd be hiding it. Especially behind that Dragon Ball shirt.
: Wave is silent.
--Bird: So, is it a deal?
--Natt: Why not?
: They both walk up to the dualing arena and load thier decks.
--Natt: You good?
--Bird: I'v been good. Let's dual.

[Guest ACW]

Okay, did Natt lose his card to the guy in the shadows? I think that's what happened. Is it just me or dose Max not answer our questions? Ignore the Attatchment.

[BlackDragon465]

Great story except I think it could you a little more setting description and a little less dueling. Every thing is duel after duel. A little more in between the duels would make the story there great.:)

[Guest SuperMaxSonic]

Thanks for replying...

--Bird: I'll make the first move. I summon Cyber Falcon in attack mode[At:1400]. Then I set one card face down and end my turn.
--Natt: The face-down card is obviously a trap. So I activate Cold Wave. No magic or trap cards can be played until the start of my next turn. Now I summon Man Eating Treasure Chest[At:1600]. Attack Cyber Falcon!
: The treasure chest opens up, and sucks in the Falcon into it's jaws. [B:7800]
--Bird: Good first move. But I summon Harpie's Brother in attack mode![At:1800] Now avenge my falcon, Harpie's Brother!
: Harpie's Brother leaps into the air, and sends a gust of air at the Chest. The Chest explodes.[N:7800]
--Natt: Sweet move. But I beleive I can counter it. I play this card: Swords of Revealing Light! It prevents you from attacking for three turns. And now I set one monster in defense mode.
: Bird grins. She draws her card.
--Bird: I summon Shining Angel in defense mode[Df:700].
--Natt: I'll sacrafice my face down card to summon: Summoned Skull!
: The face down card dissapears. In it's place, the great Summoned Skull arrises.[At:2500]
--Natt: Summoned Skull, attack Shining Angel!
: Summoned Skull launches an eletrical attack at the Angel, and destroys it.
--Bird: Thanks. You activated my angel's effect. It lets me take one light card from my deck with 1500 or less attack power and special summon it to the field. Arise Mystical elf[At:800]
--Natt: I'll wipe it out next turn.
--Bird: With that type of threat, I'll have to defend. I set one monster in defense mode, and switch my elf to defense mode[Df:2000].
--Natt: My turn. I attack with Summoned Skull! Destroy her elf!
--Bird: Not so fast! Did you forget my face down card? It's called Negate attack. I can block your attack with it.
--Natt: Fine. Your turn.
--Bird: It's over. I win.
--Natt: What? Says who?
--Bird: Says this card! It's called Soul Exchange. It lets me sacrafice one of your monsters in place of mine. So I sacrafice your Summoned Skull, and my two monsters.
--Natt: [I]This seems familiar[/I] For what monster?
--Bird: For this card: GODFORCE FALCON!
: The 3 monsters dissapear. The arena begins to shake. Suddenly, a tornado erupts. Out of the Tornado, a huge bird appears. It's wings cover almost all of the field.[At:4000]
--Natt: NO! I can't loose to that thing!
: He stares into it's red eyes. He grows pale.
--Natt: It has the same eyes as...
--Darius: Snap out of it! You can beat it using stratagy!
--Natt: Thanks, Darius. I'll play this card: Dark Hole! It will suck up your Falcon.
--Bird: I'm sorry. I sacrafice one card from my hand to negate the effect of that card.
--Natt: But how?
--Bird: Godforce Falcon can destroy any magic or trap card you play during your turn. So your card is destroyed.
--Natt: Any magic and trap... No. I'm going to set one card in defense mode.
--Bird: I'll discard another card from my hand to power up my Falcon. Then I destroy your face down card.
: The Falcon flaps it's wings, letting loose a burst of wind energy, which easily destroys the defense card.
--Natt: I'm going to loose another rare card. I can't win.
--???: (from behind Natt)You can win this. You have a card in your deck that can easily bring down that dragon.
: Natt and his friends turn around to see Dice Man walk up.
--Dice Man: Trust me, I know what I'm saying.

[Jagan]

If Godforce Falcon is #002. I'll bett #003 in the Havoc of Godforce Expansion is somethinng like Godforce Dragon! Black Widow from the beginning or Something like that, I'd say Natt will use.

[Darkness Ruler]

Too long, waaaaaay too confusing, and lack of true storywritership. No offense, but it's not a story I would reccommend for look over, too many grammar and spelling mistakes (Like I should say anything...)and it truly lacks the real feel of a Yu-Gi-Oh! story.

[Ben]

One thing all of you criticizing I think are missing, is that he's writing incredible duels. The story may be prety much weak around the duels, but let me ask you this: Have you guys ever tried to write up a duel? It's not as easy as it looks you know.

[Guest SuperMaxSonic]

The story line's going to pick up soon. However, If you want a great storyline now, Look at my Realm Of Battles story. I need someone to respond, anyways.
--------------------------------------
--Darius: Why should we trust you?
--Dice Man: Why? Becauce I witnessed the battle between Phantom Dualist and the Godforce card. I think I know what I'm talking about.
--Wave: You where there?
--Dice Man: And I know how to defeat it. Natt, look not at what the card can do, but what it can't. Trust in your cards.
--Natt: [I]What the hell is he talking about? I need to draw a card. Let's see. Wait. This card might be what he's talking about.[/I] I'll set one monster down in defense mode. Then I end my turn.
--Bird: Now I'll bring forth your demise. First, I'll discard a card to power up my Falcon. Then, I'll attack with Godforce Falcon. Use your awesome power on his pathetic monster!
--Natt: Won't be pathetic when it turns around the dual. Flip, Black Widow Spider!
--Bird: What on earth!?
: The face-down card flips, revealing a large black spider. It shoots a net at the Falcon, and uses it to climb onto the card.
--Bird: What's it doing?
--Natt: It's feeding of your dragon. At the start of every turn, It will do direct damage to your LP equal to half your monster's attack. And that's 2500 direct damage next turn!
--Bird: No! My Beautiful Falcon!
--Natt: No I beleive It's my turn. I set one monster card in defense mode and another card face-down. Your go. Oh, don't forget, 2500 out of your LP.[B:5200]
--Bird: You may have the upper hand, but I still have my falcon. I play this monster in defense mode: Mysterious Pupettear. Every time a card is summoned or fliped, I get 500 LP. That means 500 for summoning my Pupettear. And now I attack your defensive monster! Go, Godforce Falcon!
--Natt: Good, I activate this trap card. It's a new card from the Godforce Expansion called Negate Effect. It lets me ignore the effect of one monster for two turns. I use it on Godforce Falcon! It's effects are eliminated for two turns!
--Bird: Damn-it. But I still destroyed your monster. Therfore it is flipped, goving me 500 LP. [B:5700]
--Natt: Now let's see. I need to weaken your Falcon. I draw: Germ Infection! I equip it to Godforce Falcon! Each turn, it weakens your Falcon by 300 points! [At:4700] Now I set one card in defense mode and end my turn. Now my spider takes another chunk out of your LP. [B:3350]
--Bird: No matter what, I'll win this dual. I play De-Spell. It will destroy your spider!
--Natt: Oh, crap. Here we go again...
--Bird: Then I attack with my Godforce Falcon. Destroy his monster!
--Natt: You've destroyed my Electric Lizard! It paralyses your Falcon on your next turn.
--Bird: But I still get 500 LP for flipping your monster.[B:3850] [I]I'm making a comeback![/I]
--Natt: [I]I need a card that can win this dual for me. Her monster's attack drops down to 4100. I have Horn of the Unicorn to power up my monster by 700 points. There has to be some way. It all rides on this next card. I have Horn of the Unicorn, Red eyes, Vorse Raider, Polmerization, and Remove trap in my hand.[/I]
--Dice Man: You need not rely on luck.
--Natt: What? That's what it's coming down to. Any ways, you're one to talk, Dice Man.
--Dice Man: I don't rely on luck. I rely on faith. Believe you can draw the right card and you'll win.
--Natt: Faith? What's the harm? I draw.
: He looks at the card. His face lights up.
--Natt: Thanks for your help Dice Man. Now she'll face the wrath of my strongest monster.
--Bird: What would that be, Black Skull Dragon?
--Natt: No, stronger. I play this magic card: Polmerization. It lets me fuse any two monsters from my hand or field. And I fuse Red Eyes Black Dragon with...
--Dice Man: The card you just drew.
--Natt: RED EYES BLACK DRAGON! The combined strength of these two dragons forms: RED EYES SUPREME DRAGON!
--Bird: A new card from the Expansion!!!
: The two black dragons appear on the field. They move towards each other until they merge to form one beast: The Red Eyes Supreme Dragon. It's body increaces in size, it's spikes grow longer and sharper. [At:3500]
--Natt: Now I play: Horn Of the Unicorn! It makes my dragon's attack power 4200! Attack, Supreme Dragon!!!
: The dragon opens it's mouth. It lets out a blaze of black fire, which overwhealms and destroys the Godforce Falcon. [B:3750]
--Bird: NO!!! YOU'VE BEATEN A GODFORCE CARD!!! THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!
--Natt: Make your move. It won't help you.
: Bird draws a card.
--Bird:I sacrafice my Puppetear to play Millinium Shield in attack mode[At:0] Go ahead and finish this.
--Natt: Attack! Finish off her Life points!
: The dragon lets loose another attack, which easily destroys the shield, defeating Bird.
--Bird: That was a great dual. Here, take the Godforce Falcon. But be careful, next time we dual, I will take it back.

[Guest ACW]

Dice Man is the Phantom Dualist! Three reasons why: he's never in the same place at the same time, he is a skilled dualist, and he knows how to defeat a Godforce Card!

[Guest SuperMaxSonic]

You wanted more damn story? Here it comes...
---------------------------------------------
:It's late at night at Totoyo City Museam of History. There is a sign outside that talks about ancient egyptian exibits. Two guards stand at the door. A man begins to walk towards the door. He is shrouded in darkness. All that can be made out is a hat and a trench coat. As he gets to the door, the two guards block him.
--Guard 1: Museam's closed.
--Guard 2: We can't let you go in.
--???: I insist. You will let me in.
--Guard 1: What the hell did you just say?
--???: I said you will let me in you pathetic mortal, or do I have to become violent.
--Guard 2: Let's go down to the station mister.
: The guard grabs the man by the arm. Suddenly, the man jerks his arm back, knocking the guard thru the air.
--Guard 1: What the!?
--???: I did'nt want to have to do this. Well, actually I did.
: The man raises his right hand, and an invisable force sends the guard thru the air. The man turns to the door. The glass shatters. He walks in.
--???: I must attain the tablets to increace my power. That is the only way I will complete my army.
: Someone else walks up behind him. He is also shrouded in darkness. The lights flick on. Now we can see him. He is a tanned man with spiked brown hair. He looks egyptian. He wears a purple vest and baggy pants. His name is Akin.
--Akin: So, you have come to get the tablets, Fate.
: The man in the coat takes off his coat and hat. He is extremly tall. He has jetblack hair combed back. He is dressed in a black suit, and has black markings all over his body.
--Fate: So, we meat again, Akin. I planned on meating you. Of course you are no match for my summoning powers, not while I have this!
: He raises his hand. He has a metalic glove on that has a large diamond in the middle of it.
--Akin: The Stone of Security! You have merged with the demon inside?
--Fate: Yes, I have. We have become one. Now, I do believe we have a score to settle.
--Akin: Then I will do the honors of protecting the stones. (holds up deck of cards) Dark Magician! I call upon your ancient magic!
: He holds up the Dark Magician card. On the floor, a vortex opens. Out comes: The real Dark Magician!

[Jagan]

Nice. I don't get why all of you are moaning about,it's a good story even if it lacks some stuff.

[Guest SuperMaxSonic]

--Fate: You always use that Dark Magician. Even when we were in training. However, I have invested in some technology.
: Fate holds up the Barrel Dragon card.
--Fate: Barrel Dragon, awakin from your slumber to do my bidding!
: The picture on the card flashes, and a vortex opens up in the floor. Out of it emerges the mighty barrel dragon.
--Akin: Seems that you have the upper hand.
--Fate: Seems that way, indeed. Barrel Dragon, unleash your fury!
: The Barrel Dragon charges up it's cannons, and unleashes a burst of energy, which hits the Dark Magician. The magician is reduced to a cloud of blue smoke.
--Akin: The battle is not yet won.
--Fate: Looks to me that way. For my magic has located the three stone tablets.
: Fate raises his hand to an exibit, and all the glass shatters. There, sitting unguarded are three stone tablets. Fate walks up to them. Suddenly, four stone walls rise from the ground, protecting the tablets.
--Fate: What is this?
--Akin: They're called the Labrynth Walls. No monster can penetrate them.
--Fate: I see. Then I will penetrate them in my own way. This card is know as Stop Defense.
: He raises the Stop Defense card in his hand, and the walls slowly begin to lower.
--Fate: Barrel Dragon, guard that man. Kill him if it is necessary.
: Fate slowly reaches for the stone tablets. The jewel on his hand glows.
--Fate: We meet again. It's been centuries since the Pharoh locked you away. He wished to keep me from gaining the power to summon you, Godforce Knight, Godforce Falcon, and Godforce Dragon. However, with the power of the stone tablets that were originally used to summon the three creatures, I will have enough power to summon an army of creatures. And I will use this power to dominate the world.
: Suddenly, there is a screatching sound from were the barrel dragon was. Fate turns around to see a smoldering pile of metal were the dragon once stood. Behind him stands Akin, holding up a card. Behind Akin stands a gigantic creature: The Blue Eyes White Dragon.
--Akin: I wished not to release this mighty beast. But to prevent an age of Darkness, I would release Exodia himself.
--Fate: It seems that I am currently at a disadvantage. Therefore, I make my exit. DemensionHole!
: From out of the ground a vortex appears. Fate steps into it, dissapearing.
--Akin: It seems he escaped, but we managed to save the three tablets. No!!!
: Akin is shocked to see that the tabelet containing the Godforce Falcon is missing.

[Guest Pegasis]

The story's getting a little wierd. I agree with everyone. You need more detail, and more story. Great duals though.

[BlackDragon465]

This story has increased a lot since I last read it. It also seems to have gotten more description so I see you have improved it somewhat. Good story. :)

[BlackDragon465]

Awesome story. Is not confusing and simple and easy to read. I think however you should fix some grammar and other little details. Also some more detail would be great but I like the story.[img]http://www.otakuboards.com/images/icons/icon14.gif[/img]

Something got me confused on the last ones..

The falcon had 4000 plus a power up if I remember reading correctly. Meaning the falcons power was above 4000 and I doubt it only god a 100 attack power up while the other god cards get a 500 power up. Meanig the falcons power had to be atleast 4500. While the dragon was at 4200. Therefore I don't see how the dragon wins.

[Jagan]

OOOH! Spooky arena!

[BlackDragon465]

Finally some updates. :)

I like how the story is turning out. Is it anywhere near close to the end? I am just curious of the lenght of the story. I hope to see another update soon.

[SonicSlash]

the story is pretty good,MaxSonic...kinda confusing though...

[Jagan]

Good. BlackDragon will explode rolly. The stroy's coming along pretty good.

[Patronus]

[size=1]This [i]could[/i] be a good story, if you'd use better description. I know it is hard to do so, but you need to try.

Instead of the following:

He summoned the Blue Eyes White Dragon. (3000/2500).

You'd write this:

The card came alive with a great light. From the depths of the imagination, the omnious Blue Eyes White Dragon was summoned. With a an attack of 3000 and a defense of 2500, it prepared to battle.

I hope this helps you. I've been wanting a good Yu-Gi-Oh fic for a while. ~_^

-L/Z[/size]

[SonicSlash]

Geez!You should be a writer!Amazing twist to the story, and you are amazing at writing battles!

[BlackDragon465]

The story continues to be great so I keep coming back to reading it. It could use a litte touch up to make it even better but is alright as it is.:)

[BlackDragon465]

So when is the next update on the story?

[Jagan]

Nicer than before. I haven't kept up with the story this week.

[Jagan]

Good story. Can't wait to read the dual. Try to get on more to post the story?!