XxmagentaxX Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 I've really like this guy, Adam for about a year. he went out with my friend for about a week last summer and thats how we met. We used to talk online alot, and now we don't. I still really like him though, probably because he's kinda had a rough time and I just wanna take care of him. But I know that I don't have a chance with him. But since I still really like him, I'm having a hard time with other guys that actually like me and want to go out with me. Take my friend Todd for exapmle. He's one of my really good friends, I talk to him almost everyday. I found out about a week ago that he REALLY likes me. He knows that I dont have the same feelings that he does for me, but told me anyway. I used to talk to Todd about my guy problems and stuff, especially about Adam.(not knowing the whole time Todd liked me) Todd told me how jealous he was of Adam, because I have this perfect picture of Adam in my head and Todd could enver live up to that. I keep trying to get over him, but everytime I think I am, it starts over again. How do i get this picture of perfect Adam out of my head? and Why cant I feel comfortable going out with anyone who isnt him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weatherlight Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 I remember being like that with this girl angie...three years she controlled my heart...but I eventually got over her...probably because she totally changed over those three years...but I did get over her. I hope it takes you a little shorter than three years...eh...besides life will go on and change, and so will you and this guy. Everything and everyone finds their own path, and maybe you and adam are following different ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxie Faye Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 [color=#9933ff]First thing you need to do is ask yourself, (or Adam, if needed) if he WANTS help. If he thinks he's doing alright on his own, then let him go for goodness sakes. Trust me, I learned the hard way you can't change anyone that doesn't want to be changed. So before you waste any more time an energy on Adam, take a good look at everything as see if he wants to be helped. Either that, or if you REALLY want to get over Adam, purposely start a big fight with him. I promise it'll work. I think the reason that you don't feel comfortable going out with anyone but him is maybe because you've got a bit of a crush on him? Seriously. Take that into consideration. Examine yourself and see if you've got a crush on him. That could be why. If you do find out you really do have a crush on him, you can either ride it out, or make yourself not have a crush on him. Either by sheer will power you can do it, or find out something really ugly, gross, stupid, nasty, etc. about him and just think about it. Though... I would NOT recommend that as your first choice. I tell you this from experience, and apologize if I sound harsh as well, because I don't mean to be, but I'm telling you this for your own good. But please, get over Adam somehow (I didn't sya it would be easy) and go out with Todd. Look at it this way: You've got a guy who probably doesn't know you're trying to help him, and hasn't asked you out, and a guy that cares about you to death, listened to you rant about another guy, and wants you to go out with him. GO OUT WITH GUY NUMBER 2(aka Todd)![/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corey Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 I had that mindset for a good year. My first year of highschool, in fact. I did nothing but obsess over this one stunning girl. She had it all. Mind. Body. Brains. Everything. Toward the end of the year, we got together. We had a fun few weeks, but it ended. I wasn't sad. As it turns out, she wasn't what I thought. I had this [i]perfect picture[/i] of her and it turned out to be all wrong. She wasn't perfect. My advice to you, if you really want Adam, go after him. You may have fun, for a while. But, you'll also miss many more opportunities (i.e. Todd). I kind of wish that I hadn't have went after my [i]perfect girl[/i]. Later, I found out that someone else really liked me. I felt very bad. I would have had a much better go with the someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amibasuki Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 [FONT=arial]......>.<' oy. the entire first half of this school year, I really liked this one guy I knew from school. and really, he probably [i]is[/i] perfect, or at least as close to perfect as anybody could get. well, after I told him I liked him and he told me he didn't feel the same way, I was really upset, and had a really hard time trying to get over him. after a while, I finally forced myself to hate him, or at least make myself believe I hated him. not the most mature thing to do, but I didn't act like a jerk to him, and it worked the best out of everything else I had tried. a couple of weeks after I started getting over him, I almost went back to liking him. but then around that time, me and this other guy I knew started 'talking', so to speak. after talking for a while, I found out he was a really sweet guy, and he ended up asking me to prom, and yadda yadda. after that, I didn't have to force myself to forget about the first guy, it started happening on its own. so probably the best advice I can think of is to at least give this Todd guy a chance. he sounds like a really great guy, and it might make it a lot easier to forget about Adam if you see other people. hope this helps a little. [/FONT] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Macaiodh Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 [color=darkblue][size=1]There's no quick fix. It'll just take time. Mybe it'll go faster if you quit talking about him and trying to contact him. If he wants to talk, he'll contact you. Besides, you're still pretty young. Once you really get out in the world, you'll encounter so many hot guys that you won't want just one, anyway, lol.[/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishie Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 *sighs* i really cant help on this subject O_o im in abit of the same situation myself, i've liked someone for a looooong time now. I mean yeah i've dated over people. But i've never really felt the same way towards them as i do for this person. I think i've been smitten for about 2 years or so now X_x Man i need a hobbie or summat *laughs* All i can really say is time may help. But i know from experience that doesnt if you let thoughts dwell around your mind. Try doing things to take your mind off him, it works sometimes ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by XxmagentaxX [/i] [B] How do i get this picture of perfect Adam out of my head? and Why cant I feel comfortable going out with anyone who isnt him? [/B][/QUOTE] I have had extensive trouble with this. Not only in myself, but with other people that i know as well. It's just a part of the Human Psyche. it happens. I elanred to get over it, when i realized that these people that I was infatuated with actually didn't give that much of a damn about my existence. I was always creating the equal response that i was giving them in my head, thus, thinking that I loved this person. There is one main trait that you love about this Adam guy, thus making everything else that is remotely related to him, perfect in anyway. What you need to realize, and you eventually will, is that it's not perfect, and it's no fun, if he wont give you the time of day. Try and invest in another relationship, after you get the image of Adam off your mind. I understand your friend Todd's position completely. In fact, we, in thsi aspect, are pretty much the same. Girls I know, and usually like, tend to tell me all there guy problems. All I want to to is take them, hold them, and fix it all in a second. However, this is impossible outside of my mind. Only because nobody wants to date, or "go out" with good friends liket hat. All were here to do is make you all feel better, nothing more, nothing less. We're like food for parasites. Thats ok though, it happens. thats life. Thats how i've coem to accept it anyway. Sorry for the rant. ~Ryan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XxmagentaxX Posted June 5, 2003 Author Share Posted June 5, 2003 Thanx so much for all your advice... I kinda thought you were gonna tell me to just go out with Todd Im really trying to get over Adam, I dont talk to him very often anymore. I'll get over him eventually. I dont really like Todd like that though, I kinda like him more as a best friend. Everyone keeps asking me if I like him, cuz I hang out with him and talk to him alot. and since he doesnt go to my school, I talk about him. So everyone assumes that I really like him. When I dont... Can't a guy and a girl be friends?? Why does everyone assume that because I have a guy friend I like him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by XxmagentaxX [/i] [B]I dont really like Todd like that though, I kinda like him more as a best friend. Everyone keeps asking me if I like him, cuz I hang out with him and talk to him alot. and since he doesnt go to my school, I talk about him. So everyone assumes that I really like him. When I dont... Can't a guy and a girl be friends?? Why does everyone assume that because I have a guy friend I like him? [/B][/QUOTE] Because thats life. now, i persnoally hate the " Your jsut a good friend" , or, " Your more like my brother" Do you seriously know how much that hurts. However, I do understand it. It happens. Albeit it isn't very fun, but meh, oh well. As long as you convey your feelings permanetely to todd, then everything should roll over pretty soon. he wont like it for awhile, but like me, he'll get over it eventually. Good luck in all you do, and decide on this issue. ~Ryan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XxmagentaxX Posted June 6, 2003 Author Share Posted June 6, 2003 I know that it hurts him, when i tell him that i dont feel the same way that he does. I feel bad about it. I dont want to hurt him. But I can't pretend to like him just to make him feel better. i wish that it was that easy. I remember Todd used to like my friend Alexis... and she led him on, making him believe that she felt the same way he did. In the end she told him that she never felt the same way he did. I tolf him that I would never lie to him about the way i felt. I never do what alexis did to him. Cuz I saw how much he really liked her, and in the end he was crushed because of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 Well, I applaud you for that. I know it's no fun to sit there and have to tell someone who cares for you so deeply that not even Jimm Carrey can make it Humorous, that you dont have the same feelings for them. it's no fun, but I understand it. Again, Good Luck in All you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XxmagentaxX Posted June 6, 2003 Author Share Posted June 6, 2003 Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kuwabara Posted June 7, 2003 Share Posted June 7, 2003 Like it was said earlier in the forums, perhaps you should give this Adam kid a try. I mean, just ask him out or something. That's usually the way people truly find out how a person is as opposed to just idolizing them in hopes that someday things may change. In a lot of cases that I've seen, people will swoon over someone for a long time, then go out with them, and find that they never are as good as they looked before. And yes, you are probably hurting Todd immensly by the Just Friends mentallity. I'm not going to lecture you about this, so don't worry about that. Anyway, I went out with this girl for around 5 months. She and I had both like each other for a couple years and had finally decided to take it to the next level. We had wonderful times during this span of 5 months, and I thought it couldn't get any better. My hopes had been brought so high, that when she broke up with me to be "Just Friends" the pain was huge. Can you imagine getting punched in the face relentlessly for hours on end, trying to make it stop but not being able to do anything about it? That's the pain my heart felt, and does ocassionaly still feel, when the deed was done. Basically, he hasn't gone out with you yet, but the pain he feels from being sub-standard to another guy as well as liking a girl so much and not recieving anything back must be something like what I felt. It really does hurt, and I know you don't want to hurt the guy. I also understand that you don't feel the same way about him, which happens a lot, and you don't have to like him anymore than that. Yes, it's OK to have a normal guy friend and nothing more, but from my experience, the girls that are friends with me don't feel anything towards me and the same goes on on my side. It's becomes tragically different when one of your friends starts to really like you. I'd say, overall, give both this Adam kid and Todd a try. Maybe you'll like Adam a lot and he'll do the same to you, and you'll be pretty much peaches and cream, except for Todd's inconsolable broken heart for a while. But, if you did try this Adam out, he'd probably not meet what you thought was so great about him, and Todd would look a whole lot more appealing. From my seen experience, better relationships last longer if the two involved are more than just partners, but best friends as well. Keep that in mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nezzyjean Posted June 7, 2003 Share Posted June 7, 2003 Let adam know you are interested in him, who knows, maybe he's not as unatainable as you think. If he's not interested in you, then he's not worth your energy, butif he is and you go out with him, you might find out that he isnt as perfect as he seems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhys Mayiessen Posted June 7, 2003 Share Posted June 7, 2003 [color=skyblue]Lol seems a lot of people have been in your situation...so have I or I still am. I really like this guy that has been my friend for some time. I know he doesn't like me because well I've already told him I like him and nothing really happened except he said that "you know I'm not into dating yet" So anyways you don't really have to get over him if you don't want to...I mean you could always try to see if he feels the same way as you. At least you have someone that likes you...-__-[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesus Chicken Posted June 8, 2003 Share Posted June 8, 2003 Well I'm in a situation similar to those that have been spoken of already. It's a girl whom I have known for about six or seven months... and I can't get over her, its driving me absolutely insane. I don't know why...but I can't. We flirt all the time and crap, and it has come close to going further many a time. She knows how I feel, but she has never really said yes or no. I dunno what to do about it either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XxmagentaxX Posted June 9, 2003 Author Share Posted June 9, 2003 I think I've just about given up hope on Adam, he's kinda sworn off relationships and I doubt that I would change his mand. Todd keeps trying to get me to open up. and it's getting kind of annoying, because I dont want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 Have you told him you dont want to, because if you have, he's just lookign to see if you like him at all, in the slightest way possible. possibly anyway. I dont know whats going through his mind, so i can't really say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XxmagentaxX Posted June 13, 2003 Author Share Posted June 13, 2003 i told him that i dont feel anything for him.... and its just getting old. he's really getting on my nerves cuz he's such a whiny *****! all he does is complain! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 Looks to me like he's going for the sympathy route. It happens when ppl are starved for attention form a source that they think that they desperately need it from. He'll lose it soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XxmagentaxX Posted June 14, 2003 Author Share Posted June 14, 2003 Thats so it... He just wants everyones sympathy... Hopefully it will just go away... Cuz he's driving me insane!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 Confront him, and it could go away faster. He probably doesn't realize he's doing it; therefore, if you do confront him about it, he could realize, apologize, and fix the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyLynn Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 [SIZE=1][COLOR=dodgerblue]I can't really help either, because I'm sort of in the same situation..In a way different way. I've liked this guy soooo long. And he is just so sweet. I found out he liked me, but he doesn't come up to me and talk or anything that much. But even though we both like eachother, we are so far apart, as in..I just can't have him, but I want him so bad...-_-;; -CL ^_^[/COLOR][/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XxmagentaxX Posted June 16, 2003 Author Share Posted June 16, 2003 All of the feeling that I had had for Adam is now just kinda gone... It all went away.... I just got over it... Then theres Todd... we are always just kinda innocently flirting... but Im not attracted to him like that.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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