Writing Cash And Religion: A Truly Symbiotic Relationship...

[Brasil]

"And The Preacher Doth Preach"


And the preacher doth preach, and the holy men doth pray, and the televangelist doth sell religion.

?And call the toll-free number at the bottom of the screen, and feel the love of Him, and Jesus, our Lord and Saviour! But, before you can feel the love of Him, and Jesus, our Lord and Saviour, you must purchase my book, 1001 Ways to Profit Off Your Religion. If the Lord moves you, you can have my book, 1001 Ways to Profit Off Your Religion, for a free 30-day trial period. If, before that 30 days are up, you are not pleased with the book, and thus, not pleased with the Lord, for I tell you, I am a servant of God, to disagree with me is to blasphemy, you can return my book, free of charge.

But if you worship God, and fear Him and His wrath, then, please, send check or money order now to the address being flashed on the screen! Only your money can give you salvation!

If you are pleased with my book, then you will join my ?Holy Book of the Month Club!? As you are a member of this club, and as you fear God and His wrath, you will receive the holy book of the month each month. Should you cancel your subscription, God will come down from Heaven and punish you! He will flay your body, burn your eyes, make your body infested with maggots, and He will make your body fester with disease! You will instill His wrath should you cancel your subscription to the ?Holy Book of the Month Club!?

But, that?s not all! If you call right now, I will send you this bottle of ?Miracle Spring Water.? This is a true gift from God! It will cure all your ailments, it will make you smarter, stronger, and make you feel as if you were the saviour of mankind!

And, since I am a servant of God, and a servant of His good will, I will also throw in the entire ?Holy Bathroom Worship Kit!? In this you will find all of the blessings of the Lord. ?Soft As Morning Dew Toilet Paper?, ?His Blessed Tooth Paste?, these are just two of the Greatest Items Sold To Man! No longer will you have to not pray whilst you sit on the can! Behold, ?Bible on the Roll!? Now, as you wipe, you can read the story of Jacob, or Moses, or you can read the teachings of Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Saviour!

Call, and you can buy your salvation!

Amen!

And we?ll be back after this short commercial break!?

[Sara]

[size=1]That's hilarious. Heh. [i]And the preacher doth preach, and the holy men doth pray, and the televangelist doth sell religion.
[/i]

Good length as well. Long enough to enjoy, but short enough to stay funny. I was afraid it might pull an Energizer Bunny, but it didn't. Heh.[/size]

[The Vampire: Ed]

Haha, that was very funny-but sadly too realistic. I loved the part about what would happen to whomever canceled their subscription to "Holy Book of the Month Club." Keep up the good work.