Writing Poetry: Sweet Nightmares

[Biida]

Now I lay me down to sleep,
My dying waters, dark and deep.
Will I die before I wake?
Dear-heart, my soul, I plead you take.

And as you lay me down to rest,
A frightened body held to breast.
My heart a flutter, dare I say,
Lest it never beat another day.

And soon you sing me fast to bed,
Slowly laying down my head.
And while you now approach the stairs,
A soft, sweet whisper:
"Sweet nightmares..."

Amen.

[Sara]

[size=1]Britty--I haven't seen you in quite a while.

I like this. It's very spooky--the whole thing, and then moreso because the structure is that of a children's prayer. Very well done.

Rhythm and rhyme are good; there's only one thing I would change, and that's

[i]Lest it never beat another day.[/i]

where I would change "never" to "not." It flows better.

Very nice. ^_^[/size]