Writing I know you won't...

[Jesus Chicken]

[color=blue]Yeah, I know you won't bother to read it...so hey. What does it matter? It's the same deal as most of my poetry. Same girl, same problem, too stupid to get over it. Tell me what you think...

[I]I know you're not coming back,
I know theres something I lack,
I know there's so much more,
that you get from back before,

when you were blind,
to the pain that was caused,
in some strange bind,
yet you never paused,

I know I should just get over it,
I know that I am falling into this pit,
But I can't, so I let you know,
that this feeling just won't go,

now I am blind,
to the pain being caused
I can tell,
its time to pause.[/I][/color]

[The Harlequin]

[font=gothic][color=indigo]Are you intending to set that one to music? It has potential...And it's not even poxy this time.hehehe....[/font][/color]

[Jesus Chicken]

[color=blue]Thanks...that means more to me then you would think. I changed it a little bit, and added some more, so here it is, longer and cruddier. Which one do you prefer? Yes I'm talking to you people who read it and didn't say anything...Bastards.


[I]I know you're not coming back,
I know theres something I lack,
I know there's so much more,
that you get from back before,

when you were blind,
to the pain that was caused,
in some strange bind,
yet you never paused,

I know I should just get over it,
I know that I am falling into this pit,
But I can't, so I let you know,
that this feeling just won't go,

But I can't cry for anything anymore,
Now I just lay on the floor,
I am by myself, its how it always ends
Sorrowful, empty, with out any friends,

But this sadness brings a creativity,
look what I can do for you and me,
whats is this, you've come back?
or is it just my mind losing track?

I know you never do the things you say,
you could always lie to get your way,
I never knew what you wanted from me,
I will never know, but I still can't see,

Why can't I lose what it is im feeling?
I should be able to kill this deamon,

Quick tear me apart again,
before I recover from the stun,
Quick come to destroy me again,
before I realise what you've done


I'm sick of the same old thing,
lose my love, my mind, the ring[/I][/color]

[The Harlequin]

[font=gothic][color=indigo]I like it...asiding the last line. I don't really get the ring reference...[/font][/color]

[Sandy]

I really like this, and I agree with Harle about the song-thing.

I am that sort of people who likes rhymes, and you've really done them originally in this. Well, it's a bit depressing and blue, but so's life itself. ;)

If I would be a writing teacher, I'd tell you to check the rhytm, but since I'm not, I'm satisfied with it.

[Jesus Chicken]

[color=blue]I would really like to set it to a really dirty bluesy rock riff. Have you heard "Ball and a Biscuit" by The White Stripes? Something like that would be absoulutely sweet. I love dirty rock.[/color]

[Queen Asuka]

[color=hotpink][size=1]I like the second version MUCH better, especially this part:

[i]Quick tear me apart again,
before I recover from the stun,
Quick come to destroy me again,
before I realise what you've done[/i]

It's just so sad...[/color][/size]

[Jesus Chicken]

[color=blue]Great, I'm glad you feel kinda depressed by my poetry, it's what I set out to do. I wrote some dirty rock to go with the lryics, and I shall go and set it all up when I feel like it, but it has been started.[/color]