Writing I came to speil, and speil I will...

[Jesus Chicken]

[color=blue]Yeah, the title is a Josh Homme quote. This is another poem I wrote a couple of seconds ago... It's called

[I]Colour Wonderful[/I]

"Everybody is looking for what they don't need,
but nobody needs to know,
Everybody wants to see the ice-cream wind blow,

Snow flakes on face, melting on my touch,
slowly, smoothly falling
it might as well be me on your skin,

All my time is taken up doing this I don't want to do,
but everybody is doing it now,
doing the things I want to do, I'm forgetting how,

White wings taking me to another place, one I'd rather be,
one of happiness and joy,
one where your face is all I see,

but it twists and turns and screams for me to leave,
shocked I quickly step away,
yet, I'm sure I'll return the next day,

I can't forget you"


Any Opinions would be great...[/color]

[Avatarofkaine]

Ok I almost found it hard to follow, could be I need sleep though.
I'm getting a bit of an unrequited love sort of mindset when I read that poem.

The second part I found quite thought and feeling provoking although I did think that the top half was a little "jumpy" if thats the right word. Could be you were trying to get the exaltation of the moment.

A rambling from the mind of Steve, take it with as many grains of salt as you wish.

[Jesus Chicken]

[color=blue]I'll have six grains of salt. Ok thats it, from now on, if someone reads my poems, I would like some feedback. I would prefer that its manditory. I'm sick of you dirty fiends reading it and taking it in and not telling me what you think!
I don't care if you call it the worst poem you've ever read, just as long as you give me a reason.
So please, everyone else, tell me what ye be thinking, OK? A small request.

Steve, yeah it is the whole unrequited love thing, but that's kinda obvious, so only half a point there. Well I'm glad you didn't hate it, so thats always good. Unless you did hate it, but were to tired to put it in.yeah.[/color]