Writing The Stream

[Talon]

[color=royalblue][i]Silence.
All is quiet but the pain of the wound.
The wound inflicted by my brother.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

Fire.
It burns within my chest.
This wound inflicted by my brother.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

Blood.
My blood pours freely.
Pours from this wound inflicted by my brother.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

Blossoms.
The cherry blossoms fall to my mask.
This mask marred by the wound inflicted by my brother.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

Silence.
My brother is silent,
Silenced by a wound inflicted by me.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

Tears.
My tears flow, my brother's death vain.
His vanity the greatest wound inflicted by my brother.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

Water.
The swift stream cleans my wound,
This wound inflicted by my brother.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

Shinobi.
The clan is gone, our fight in vain.
Leadership the goal, a wound inflicted by our father.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

Sword.
My katana broken in the center,
A wound inflicted by my brother.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

Silence.
His breath, to soon, has halted.
Finished by a wound inflcited by me.

[b]Still, the stream runs on.[/b]

End.
My life meets its end....
At this wound inflicted by my brother.

[b]The stream no longer runs on........[/b][/color][/i]

[Guest Magdalena]

It's really dramatic, but I was thinking it was a bit too long, and had some unnecessary parts. For example,

"Sorrow.
My tears come, but to no avail.
The worst wound inflicted.....was to my trust."

That part didn't seem to fit. Other than that, I thought it was excellent.