Darkness Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 Okay, here is the problem..... I have been dating my girlfriend for the past 4 1/2 years. I'm about 4 months away from graduating college and everyone around has been asking when I'm going to propose. My girlfriend is ready to get married but I'm not. Our timeframe for marriage is essentially the same but because she is two years older than me, time is against us. Either I have to get married sooner than I really want to or she has to wait. And she made it clear to me that she was not going to wait the extra time. So it's on me. All or nothing. I do love her, but I'm 22, just graduating, and feeling very rushed right now. I don't have long to come to a decision. I need help on this one. Tell me what you think....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Transtic Nerve Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 Don't get married unles you want to. Now-a-days 50% of marriages end in divorce.... if you get married and you don't want to, you'll just end up adding to that statistic and then no one will be happy. If you're not ready, you're not ready.... whoopty doo... Two of my good friends have been together for almost 8 years.... they aren't married... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicoTranzrig Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 [COLOR=darkblue]If she wants to get married, she has to wait for you. Why is she not willing to wait if she knows it's going to happen eventually? What is she gonna do, leave? What is that? If you two are going to get married, there should be some sort of pre-nuptial devotion and flexibility.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryoko T.D.C. Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 Now I'm only 13, but I can understand how your feeling from what you just wrote. Well, if she really loves you, she'll wait, but if she doesn't like to wait, then tell her to. Say that you really love her and your not ready yet. When the time comes, you'll know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terra Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 I agree, definitely do not get married if you've got that half-trapped feeling that your post sounds like you have. Marriage is seems plenty difficult even when both people are completely ready for it, so if one of the couple isn't sure about it, it's going to be ... even more difficult. And, as you've said, you're only 22 and you're just graduating now -- plenty of people don't get married until much later in life. Even your girlfriend is only 24, which still isn't "late" to get married at all. Hopefully she'll understand your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dayday Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 It's just everyone else said. If you're not ready then you don't have to. If she loves you as much as you do her, then she can wait until you're ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juna Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 How very odd, this kinda is what I just had to go through. Pretty much, as everyone has stated, if you are not ready, don't do it. I, being female, can relate though, to your girl friend. The best advice I can offer is for the two of you to sit down and really talk about what is going on. Honestly, I also felt like I wanted the relationship to move in another direction, that frankly that guy was not at all ready for. Three years, and I just felt like I dunno... that I wasn?t getting any younger. I did not, however want to marry him, but to move in together, he still was not biting though. ~Ho-Hum~ It honestly depends on you, if deep down you know you cant marry her or whatever she wants in the relationship, then don?t do it. [b]But then, you cannot blame her for not wanting to stick around if she is not getting what she wants out of the relationship either.[/b] Maybe the two of you could agree on a baby step, such as just moving in together... shrug. One thing for sure though, if you can sit and talk about the issue with an open mind and an open ear, you will be able to come to some kind of resolution, good or bad. Hope everything works out for the two of you.... good luck. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vegitto4 Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by RicoTranzrig [/i] [B][COLOR=darkblue] Why is she not willing to wait if she knows it's going to happen eventually? What is she gonna do, leave? .[/COLOR] [/B][/QUOTE] Yes rico, she could leave. She could be thinking she's waiting around for nothing, for a lost cause. (pardon anything that might be dorogotory in your direction Darkness) Why waste time on something if it wont help you? Now, if she wont wait, and your feeling rushed, you should talk to her about it. See if things can be worked out, either she waits for it to happen, or you could propose tomorrow. I suggest you wait till you think your ready, and if she wont wait for it, then you guys might need to just take a break, that could be just the ticket you'd need for you to figure out if your ready or not. it could also ruin anything you guys have going. It's quite a gamble. Please choose wisely from the choices that life presents you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 [size=1] She doesn't love you if she won't wait. Marriage is taking things to an entirely new level...from what I've seen. I'm not exactly in love with the idea of it either. So basically..what I said up above. If she won't wait and understand where you're coming from, she doesn't love you.[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 If she's waited 4 1/2 years, I think she can afford to wait a little longer. Sacrifice is an important part of marriage, and hers would be the lesser of the two sacrifices. If you get married when you're not ready, it may cost the both of you a spouse. -Justin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oji ryu Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by dayday [/i] [B]It's just everyone else said. If you're not ready then you don't have to. If she loves you as much as you do her, then she can wait until you're ready. [/B][/QUOTE]It's true if she loves you as much as you love her she'll have to wait.So what you need to do is sit her down and tell her that. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juna Posted August 18, 2003 Share Posted August 18, 2003 < Rant > Ahhhhh! Man, to be young again. To like, the last? what 3 posts, I know yaw?ll meant well, but man?. [I]No, it does not mean that she does not love him if she chooses not to stay with him.[/I] Please allow me to use myself as an example. I am 25, my very recent ex is 23. When I met him he was 20 years old, however I was already 22. What's important about that, is that I had my chance to go out and have fun? and boy did I. Throughout my ?growing years? I went out quite often and met many people along the way. He, on the other hand, was very, ermm well, picked-on and he often secluded himself for that reason. He never went out, he never really did anything. We met and instantly fell for each other. We spent so much time together, family functions, work parties? mostly just chilling together though. Well, it got to a point that we were seeing each other so much, we work together (as Support & Systems managers for a local ISP? *toot toot* ^_~), then hung out with each other quite often. As time went on, we nearly hung out just about every night. Now comes the clincher, he realized that he hadn?t "lived" enough, he wasn?t ready for certain things, and I had to respect him for that. I though, also wasn?t ready to [i]not[/i] to have certain things. I got to a point in my life where I loved the person I was with, very dearly, I had a kick booty job makin? good money and I just really wanted to fall asleep next to him every night and wake up beside him the next morning. It's not that I didn?t love him that I wanted these things, it was because I did. We talked for a bit then he shared the fact that he would not be ready to move in with someone until his late 20's. Again, something I could not fault him with, as he was being honest, but in turn I also had to be honest with myself. We decided that even though we loved each other we were in different places in our lives. I'm ready to just chill, quite nights at home with a movie and a book. He wants to go out and meet new people. Eh, what are you going to do? Be mature enough to make the decision that you know to be true, and follow through with it. I really wish people would stop posting that she doesn?t love you if she doesn?t wait for you. It could be the hardest thing she or yourself have to decide for yourselves, and your not making the decision because you don't love each other, if you didn?t I don?t think either one would care about the outcome. Then again, people are allowed there opinions... as weird as they are.. O_o.. < /Rant > Thank you drive through... ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BabyGirl Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by juna [/i] [B] I really wish people would stop posting that she doesn?t love you if she doesn?t wait for you. It could be the hardest thing she or yourself have to decide for yourselves, and your not making the decision because you don't love each other, if you didn?t I don?t think either one would care about the outcome.[/B][/QUOTE] [color=deeppink]I agree :) Of course she'll still love him if she leaves, you can't just stop loving someone simply because they won't marry you. What do nearly 5 years of feelings do, disappear into thin air? I think, Darkness, that she probably just wants some sort of solid sign that your relationship will last forever. All I can say is that don't get married if you're not ready, especially since you're right out of college. Just let her know that your feelings are as strong, if not stronger than, ever, and that you'll love her for years to come (marriage or not :))[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest yalborap Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 I might only be 11, but I can see the issue. Just tell her how you feel about this(if she doesn't know), and like a few others said, take baby steps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baron Samedi Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 Just say that you love her geratly, and that nothing would make you happier than to be with her for the rest of your life, but explain that you need some timed, and do not feel confortable with the iminent idea of marriage. Alternately, propose, and be engaged for several years- Some people do stuff like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Epid3mic Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 I agree with juna, Marriage is a big step. And if she is truly serious about getting married, she probably doesn't want to wait around forever for it to happen. Granted, you shouldn't marry her just to keep her, nor should you if you aren't ready. Do you have a career plan to make sure you can support a family? Just because she won't wait for him to get married doesn't mean she doesn't love him. Think about it. They've been together for 4 years. That has got to show something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Forbidden One Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 [color=blue]If she really loves you she'll wait for you as long as she has to. Though here's a stupid suggestion how about a long engagement? I've known friends that have been engaged for 2 1/2 years-4 years. Doesn't mean your going to take the plunge right away however it does solidfy things in a somewhat slow paced manner. Personally though I wouldn't jump into marriage right after college, your only 22 and still relatively young to get tied down also the fact your not ready doesn't make things better. [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DevilzAdvocate Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 I only have one opion on this, that is wait untill you are ready. If she really loves you she will wait, just explain that you are 2 yrs younger and not ready for that step just yet. If you do say that your not ready and she walks out on you she must not feel the same way about you as you feel about her, but i think she will understand ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesus Chicken Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 [color=blue]Yeah, I'm with the eleven year old...*damn* Just tell her what you're thinking and if she does truly love you, I'm sure the woman will understand. Anyway, marriage is just a symbol of the love you two should have, being married or not has nothing to do with how deeply you feel for each other. I'm sure you'll be right.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cloricus Posted August 19, 2003 Share Posted August 19, 2003 Unless you are deeply Christian (or other random religion) then hey JC is right. Besides there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Though if you suck at fishing... You can't predict what she's going to do but you can't let your life be dictated by out side effects, of course you are going to have to compromise on this at some point. Eg. She wants to marry now and you want to later you?re going to have to meet in the middle. As others have said marriage is about giving but you cannot abuse that giving. You need to find a compromise that is beneficial to both sides, it sounds like you just want to live your life a bit and feel that marring is something you?re going to do but you also think it's going to tie you down a lot which is some thing you don't want to happen. That is why the compromise has to be a good one. Or you can phone a friend and flip a coin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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