Writing .hack//sign poems

[Heavyblade]

These are some poems about all the main and supoorting characters in .hack//sign if I missed on please tell me. Well here they are...enjoy:

Tsukasa

I walk in this world
A world created by others
A world shaped to their desire
I am alone
Yet I am not
Others walk beside me
But they aren't there
I feel pain here
A place where I can't leave
A place where I shouldn't feel anything
I am weary
I can't go on
I am alone


Subaru

I am here to leave me behind
There, I am crippled
Here, I am what I choose
I help keep peace here
But what I need is inner peace
I begin to wither yet I walk
Others try to help
But I push them away
I have no purpose here
Yet others need me
I have left myself behind

Bear

I am old
My years precede me
I know more than I let on
I have become tangled
In thise conspiracy I am struggling
To understand
I provide advice that others listen to unwillingly
I grow weary of this search
A search for answers
That seemingly aren't there
To be found

Mimiru :love:

I am here to have fun
That was my purpose
But everything has changed
And everything is different
I ask questions
To which have no answers
Or am I decieved
People around me are struggling
Struggling to understand
What it all means
I also am struggling
But struggling to find what is wrong
With him

Crim

I came here to get away
Away from my work
This was just a passtime
But now everything is distorted
The line between the real world and here
Has become blurred
And I have been caught in the crossfire
I have no choice
But to help him
But it has become much more than that
I have to help
It's my duty

Sora:flaming:

Fun
I'm always having fun
Everyone thinks lowly of me
But I just want to have fun
I was having a good time until he came
Now everyone is focused on him
And the key
I will find it first
No matter what it takes
It will be mine
No matter what

BT:flaming:

I am just a varialble
My purpose is to pass information
From side to side
I am on no one's side
Yet I want to be with him
Although there is nothing in it for me
I am confused by the choice
That has been lain before me
I do not know what to do
What side to choose
But I want to be with him

Silver Knight:cross:

I keep the peace here
Here under her
She doesn't understand
What it means to keep order
I try to pick up the slack and keep rulebreakers at bay
But she doesn't care anymore
What mattered then doesn't matter now
And she has become blind
To what we are here to do
This is what I want to do
But I fear it will not last much longer

Well I liked them what do you guys think?

[Doukeshi]

These are good as poems go, but they seem to lack a correct sense of rhythm if you ask me. Need to flow a bit more.

They have a good feel to them, just need a little tweaking is all, as will many things ^_^. Good start though.

[Heavyblade]

Yeah I wrote them during my boring classes at school so I wasn't comepletely focused. *_* Plus I hadn't written a poem since third grade so... Well they weren't exactly supposed to flow since the show is kinda like that so I mean I think you get my point.

[KKC]

I like Crim ^^

anyways, yeah I think there awesome ^^ I should start writing in the boring classes too, but... you know... I really suck... I think the flow is pretty good, but it does sound... eh.... >_< I can't think of the word... But I think there good, Tsukasa's would have to be the best because it seems to discribe him better.

[Heavyblade]

Yeah I like Tsukasa's the best to. Although for some reason I like Mimiru's. I wonder why. *wink*

[Eve]

[COLOR=deeppink]Ya I think we all know why :rolleyes:

But I love them all especially Subaru's. I really don't know why, I was just drawn to it, but again they are all very good ;) [/COLOR]

[OtakuSennen]

Hehe, very nice poems. The Subaru, Tsukasa and Mimiru ones really speak to me, but Bear's and Crim's are sorta corny, like a "who am I?" riddle.. No offense intended. They're all really good.

Oh, and about the rhyme scheme.. It's one of those non-rhyming poem sets.. They're pretty cool, in my opinion. Descriptive words and very emotional feelings..



[b]8.3/10[/b]

Oh, of course I can't forget Sora. ^_^ He's the coolest one..

[terra]

Hm, it's hard for me to comment on these because I haven't watched .hack//sign. (Don't kill me! ...) Anyway, so I don't know the background to them. In general though, the poems all seem to have the word "I" in them an awful lot. When I read them, the frequency of the word "I" does sort of stop them from flowing very well, like doukeshi03 said.

Also, like OtakuSennen said, they do sort of look like "Who am I?" riddles, mostly because they're all there in a row :D.

Generally though, they all get a feeling across very strongly, which gives me an idea about who the characters are even though I haven't seen the show. There is a definite emotion in each one, which is great :)!

[Heavyblade]

Yeah everyone in the show is like aking themselves constantly "who am I?" Thanx for all the good comments and I'll be posting a fan fic soon.