Writing Inu-Yasha Fanfic-"A date with Kagome [waring contains spoilers]

[Japan]

This is a month after the fall of Naraku. Scene: Kagome's Living room.

[i] "Do you know where Kagome is?" asked Kagome's mom.
"She went to Fuedal Japan," replied Kagome's grandpa.
"Again!?! That girl!! Even though she collected all of the jewel shards, and defeated Naraku, she is still spending a lot of time there. She is goin to miss more school."
"There is nothing we can do, we can't go get her."
"I just wish that she would pay more attention to her studies. That's all."

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Meanwhile in Fuedal Japan, Kagome and Inuyasha are walking along in the forest with Miroku, Sango, and Shippo sneaking behind trees listening intentively.
"Inuyasha, I was wondering, is a full moon tonight?" asked Kagome.
"Yes!" spat Inuyasha.
Kagome, who knew Inuyasha well enough, knew not to be bothered by his attitude of being half demon, said, "Well, I was wondering if you would like to come to my world and do something."
"I guess so, but if I don't like it, I am leaving."
"Fine!"
Meanwhile in the bushes nearby, Shippo was talking to Sango and Miroku. "Did you hear what they said, their going to do something in Kagome's world."
Miroku put on his serious face and said,"Maybe they want to make a child."
POW!!
Right when Miroku said that, Sango punched him in the back of the head. "You pervert!!!" Miroku fell backwards and Sango ans Shippo chatted excitedly about what Kagome and Inuyasha would do in Kagome's world.

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That night, Inuyasha transformed into a human, and he and Kagome made their way to the well. They jumped in to it and out into Kagome's world. They went into her house and up to her room. It was still day light outside. Kagome checked the time on her new clock, 4 PM.
Inuyasha was the first to break the siliece. "So Kagome, what are we going to do?"
"I was thinking of going out to dinner. So, how about it?
"Diner sounds good."
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. You need to change before we go anywhere."
"Change!?!"
"Yes, change. Here, this used to belong to my dad, but I think that they will fit you. I will step outside so you can change."
Kagome closed the door. What she had given him were baggy jeans and a black Tokyopop t-shirt. He took of his clothes and threw them on Kagome's bed along with the Tesiaga. He put the strange clothes on.
Kagome yelled through her bedromm door. "Are you finished yet Inuyasha?"
"Yeah!"
Kagome opened the door and looked at Inuyasha. "You look nice."
"I do?"
"Yes"
They walked down the stairs. Kagome's mom stopped them in the hall right when they were about to go out the door. "Kagome, you need to study and stop spending som much time in Fudeal Japan. Now I want..." Her voice trailed off when she spotted Inuyasha behind Kagome. "Now, who is thisthat was in your room?"
Kagome responded, "Inuyasha."
"How can that be Inuyasha? I don't see white hair or dog ears."
"I'll explain later mom. We're going out to dinner."
"So that explains the clothes that Inuyasha is wearing. Alright have fun, but I want you to study for an hour after you get back."
"Ok"
They went to the front door. Kagome gave Inuyasha a pair a shoes, while she put on hers. Inuyasha looked clueless.
"Here, I'll help you," said Kagome taking the shoes out of Inuyasha's hands and helped him put them on. They finally made their way out of the door and towards the train station. They went on the next available train downtown. Inuyasha looked kind of scared. That's right thought Kagome, he's never been on a train before. "Don't worry Inuyasha, this isn't scary."
"Who said I was scared?" snapped Inuyasha. Several people were staring at Inuyasha thinking that he was weird. The train gave a jolt and started to make its way downtown. Inuyasha was amazed that the outside was moving so fast.

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They walked down the steps of the train station. There were so many people and moving cars. Some girls laughed as they passed by. Three girls walked up to Kagome and Inuyasha. They were Kagome's friends. They were surprised to see Kagome for she is always gone. "Kagome!" all 3 girls exclaimed.
"Hey guys, what's up?"
"Nothing really, except that your guy started to date another girl because were always sick and turning down dates..Wit who is this guy?" asked the first girl.
They finally noticed Inuyasha who was blushing cherry red. "oh, this is Inuyasha, Inuyasha, these are my friends," said Kagome.
Big Grins started to show on each of the friends faces. "So this is the guy you are always talking and thinking about," said the 2nd girl. It was Kagome's turn to blush. She looked at Inuyasha who was blushing even more.
"Um, well, we better get going," said Kagome who was at this point, just as red as Inuyasha.
"Alright then!" said the third, "Have fun on your date."
Ack! thought Inuyasha. Did that girl just say date? What is this about Kagome talking and thinking about me all the time? She never told me that when we confessed our love to eachother. They continued down the street to a burger fastfood resteraunt. They walked in and Kagome found a seat. She told Inuyasha to stay there while she got the food. 5 minutes later she came back with 2 sodas, fries, and cheese burgers. Inuyasha was hungry, but he had no clue what Kagome brought him. Kagome unrapped her cheeseburger and bit in. Inuyasha cautiously followed suit. When he bit in, he was so relieved and exclaimed, "This is good!"
"I know."
"Um, what were your friends talking about? "
" What do you mean?"
"About your guy and you always talking and thinking about me."
"Oh, that guy that they were talking about was the guy that they've been nagging about, and wanting me to date him. I also never stopped thining or talking about you."
"How about now?"
"I still do..."
This answer relieved Inuyasha. They finished their dinner and made their way back to the train station, and back to Kagome's house at the family shrine.
They opened the door and went inside. They took their shoes off and went upstairs. Kagome let Inuyasha change back to his clothes. "I'm finished," he said. Kagome walked in. Inuyasha took his testiga and put it back into his belt. His hair started to change back to the color white. He was back to his demon self.
"Inuyasha, do you want to go back to your world now?" asked Kagome, "I have to study for an hour."
"Yeah sure, but after you study, will you come back?"
"Yes."
"Alright," said Inuyasha. The next thing that happened, happened so, but it felt like it was forever. Inuyasha and Kagome were in eachothers arms kissing. They finally parted. Both Kagome and Inuyasha were blushing. Kagome was light headed, but happy. Inuyasha was very happy too. Inuyasha opened the screen door and stepped outside. Kagome watched him disappear into the shadow of the night. He... he...kissed me! thought Kagome as she slumped into her chair at her desk to study.

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Inuyasha jumped out of the well into the Fuedal Japan side. Shippo was right next to it. He was surprised that Inuyasha jumped out of the well so quickly. "Inuyasha!" said Shippo, "Don't scare me like that!"
"Me!?!" said Inuyasha, picking up Shippo by the tail, "What do you think you are doing here by the well? Trying to see if you could attack me once I got back?"
"No, no!" replied Shippo, "I just wanted to know what you and Kagome and you were up too."
Inuyasha smelled the air and turned to look at the a bush nearby. "It is none of your business!" He threw Shippo into the same bushes that he was looking at earlier. Sango and Miroku spilled out behind it. Inuyasha looked up into the sky. "Can't I ever get any privicy around here!!!!!"[/i]

[Tog]

Aha! Wonderful! I don't even really like Inuyasha *hides from thrown objects*, but that was really good! You're writing style is cute and enjoyable, and the story is cute and enjoyable. You portrayed the characters very well. If there's one thing I hate about fanfiction, it's when characters go all OOC. Yuck. But you did a great job making sure that didn't happen! All hail the Queen!

[Fyxe]

[SIZE=1][COLOR=darkblue] Wow... that was good! Whenever I try to write fanfic I always start it, but then never finish it... I get distracted to easily I guess. That was a nice short story, I need to read more of your writing. ^_^ Nice work.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[OtakuSennen]

Aw.. How cute!

This is a pretty nice, well-written fic.. The only real typos I can make in it is that in some places it would have been better to put a period or question mark instead of a comma.. Heck, even a semi-colon would do in that one spot...

^_^ I like reading Inuyasha and Kagome fictions.. They're always sort of humorous yet romantic..

[b]9.4/10[/b]

Great job, 86!

[WW2]

Not bad.

You did well in capturing the characters' personalities, they each acted like they would in an episode.

But it could have used some action. You could've had the train de-rail, and have Inuyasha, in his human form, try to find a way to save Kagome.

But thats just my opinion.
:D