Rants about Friendship

[eleanor]

[size=1] Yeah, yeah, I know. [i]Another[/i] relationship thread?! Sorry if this is spam since there already is an absolutely huge Relationship Advice Thread in Otaku Lounge, but I just wanted this thread to specifically be about friendships.

--I feel out of it. My 'best' friend and I don't even talk to each other, and when we do, it's minimal. Basically, I don't feel I get along with her at all. Our interests and personalities are too different, even if they say 'opposites attract'. It's not amusing or anything...

I basically don't enjoy the company of many of my friends now, and the people I do enjoy are people I barely know. Right now, there's only about three people I can talk to and not feel like punching them in the face. =_= If you want a challenge, it's to talk to me and make me [i]not[/i] get annoyed. Nobody in my entire life has lasted twenty minutes without me getting a bit annoyed. It's nearly impossible, really.

My schedule in school is extremely crappy, and I'm not good at making new friends. I always feel like being alone or at least having a conversation other than the usual teenage chat. None of my friends are willing to talk about politics, religion, apsects of life, etc. If I do start a conversation like that, they pull away and change the subject.

I'm in a rut.[/size]

[Zen]

Well, maybe its one of those changing fases you go threw in your early teens. Hey, i went from a punk to a B Baller and Rapster over a summer. So, that may be it. It will rpobably pass over. But if it doesn't. Get new freinds and go your seperate ways. I had a freind in 7th Grade, but now in 8th, i can't stand him, so we jsut don't talk anymore.

[Drix D'Zanth]

I think if i had to talk to someone for twenty minutes, I'd get a bit annoyed too. I need to be able to do more than just.. uhh sit... and uhhh talk.

But in all seriousness, I think that you should just be yourself, if you are outgoing, well then go talk to some people. At least make your presence known to the people you would relate too and I'm sure they will take some interest in you, after a while you will probably have friends. Find something that you can relate to with them. Offer to hang out with them, invite them to your house, do whatever you would be willing to comfortably do.

Eveuntally you'll find people who's relationships won't be judged on how much you talk about, or getting annoyed by talking. You will probably find someone who likes talking, or likes to be quiet. Either way, you don't have to judge the quality of your friendship on what you talk about (not that you do, just a little tidbit).

Well, I hope I helped. Heck you seem like a guy I could relate to from what I've read. Despite our differences in opinions, so find someone like me. Better yet, find someone that idolizes me (they're everywhere) and befriend them. It may be "fools gold" but, you'll feel rich nonetheless :D

[Frankie]

the saying "Opposites attract" only works with magnets...

Anyways umm i used to talk to my best friends all the time and alot. Now i dont we hardly walk. I guess its kinda the same but its not. We all go through changes and soemtimes our taste in friends change as well.

A long time ago i was friends with two girls in my school... they were a few years older than i and well after they got into their teens... they strayed away. Its all just kinda part of...growing up... in my experiance anyways

[AzureWolf]

Haha, there were two really good posts about this similar situation on one person's myOtaku (I'd give you the link, but she'll do it if she wants them publicly displayed). Anyway, it's not uncommon for separation to happen to best friends, especially when high school rolls along. Sure, you guys may have somehow been great friends with such big differences, but those differences will widen when high school gives you the classes you need to pursue your goals. Chances are, if you have a friend who was as different as mine, you will part ways, dissolving whatever strong bond you had built over many years in just four.

I say you should just go with the flow. Worrying isn't going to help, and if the friendship is meant to stay, both of you will feel it instinctively; you won't need to think or put any extra effort to keep it alive.

That's my cents, talking from experience.

[Moor_Child]

I went through the exact same thing as you. I only have one real best friend that I still talk to constantly. I do have one best friend that was really gettin on my nerves but I talked to him about it and he backed off for a bit, later I started talkin to him again even if he was annoying because I refused to loose our friendship...

Anyway, you just learn that there's nothin you can really do. People grow, and they often grow apart. You just learn to make new friends, even if you don't want to.

[Baron Samedi]

maladjusted, I find myself in a similar situation. I have two really good friends one who goes to my school, and another who goes to my old school. I have other people who I get on well with, but no-one that I hang out with. I don't really like it, but eventually it will change, or I will get used to it...

[James]

[color=#707875]Nearly everyone is going to annoy you in one way or another at some point in time.

Even your close friends.

The key is to remember that you are not the center of the Universe. In other words, you sometimes have to put yourself out for other people -- whether it's a conversation that bores you or something else.

I mean, when I talk to people, I'm not necessarily going to choose the topic of conversation every single time. And therefore, what someone else tells me about may be something that I am not very interested in. But because they're a friend, I listen to them and I get involved.

I find that if I make an effort to be this way, the rewards for me are many times greater. For one thing, you show friends that you care about them. And for another, those people are then around for you when [i]you[/i] need someone to hear what you have to say.

Friendships are like anything else...give and take. You can't expect to be able to take all the time. It just doesn't work that way.[/color]

[eleanor]

[size=1] It's sort a mutual thing between my friends and I. They usually would rather talk to someone else, and I would rather not talk at all. =_=[/size]

[Guest dayday]

If you wouldn't want to talk to your friends then don't and tell them that. A person deserves to have time alone to themselves and not be bothered. If you want to make friends then just talk to people and try to get to know them.

On the other hand if I ever do make a friend then I just be myself around them. Sometimes myself, is a little more than what I want it to be and I get people mad that way. Other times it's just funny and we all laugh.

But two of my friends I lost. One I have no chance of getting back because I disrespected her. And the other one I doubt I'll get back because, I don't break promises and I promised I wouldn't talk to her anymore.

I'm not good at socializing that's why when I see isolation as a punishment I actually have something I want. Being around people just isn't right. The people who think they're my friends are so annoying and I don't even like them.

To me, I just stay in my little corner crying or [spoiler] sucking my thumb. [/spoiler] Yes I still do that. It's very relaxing and decreases stress. I stay away from people unless I know I can trust them and I know I'm comfortable around them. It's what keeps me as me.

[Queen Asuka]

[color=hotpink][size=1]You know, I'm sort of in my own little situation like this one. It's pretty difficult, but I guess it's helping me to gain a bit of maturity in this aspect.

What's happened to me is that now that I'm in college, I basically don't have "friends." I have five friends who all came to UGA with me, but our communication is pretty minimal. Everyone is so busy doing their own thing that you are pretty much out of whack. Whereas in high school, you have your friends always there because your classes are at the same time, you are in the same activities, you are in one small collective area pretty much. You ALWAYS have someone to talk to.

Now I feel like I DON'T have anyone to talk to. Sure, my roomies are nice, but they do not know me and I do not want to share my personal life with them. I try to stay close to Doug, but he seems more interested in the people he's meeting. And that leaves me with two choices: my close internet friends and Ryan.

Ryan is overly stressed himself. Between school and work, he barely has time to eat and sleep, much less pacify me when I need it constantly. So I find myself relying more and more on you guys. But it's not bad. It's quite fun, actually.

But yes, it was pretty stressing, but I'm finally adapting to being alone. It's not so bad. You can eat a whole lot faster. ^_^[/color][/size]

[Sara]

[font=arial]*glances at AzureWolf*

[url]http://www.myotaku.com/users/sara/comments/view/2488/[/url]

[url]http://www.myotaku.com/users/sara/comments/view/4003/[/url]

Kinda different. People don't annoy me so much as I think I annoy them. (I mean, yeah, [i]some[/i] people annoy me, but....yesh. [spoiler]I'm sure Carr can think of someone. /[/spoiler])[/font]

[Ninjaman]

I'm in a similar situation. I started my junior year at high school a few weeks ago. I was actually excited to start junior year because I wanted to know who was in my class. I already knew beforehand that one of my best friends wasn't in any of my classes, but the I thought: "There's still hope."

But whadda ya know? I barely have any classes with any of my closest friends. I have one friend in Chemistry, one in gym, one Algebra(but I can't really talk to him, because we have assigned seats >_<), and three in my US History class. But my friend in Chemistry will be transferring classes next semester. I have friends in my other classes, but I'm not very good friends with them. I also am not good at making new friends. Besides, most of the people I have to be with I could care less about being friends with. I mainly keep to myself anyway.

Last year was a blast. I had a lot of good friends in all of my classes. But this year is just kind of depressing. I'm usually used to being alone, but this year....... I don't know. I've never wanted to be with my best friends as much as I do now.

[nezzyjean]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by maladjusted [/i]
[B][size=1] Yeah, yeah, I know. [i]Another[/i] relationship thread?! Sorry if this is spam since there already is an absolutely huge Relationship Advice Thread in Otaku Lounge, but I just wanted this thread to specifically be about friendships.

--I feel out of it. My 'best' friend and I don't even talk to each other, and when we do, it's minimal. Basically, I don't feel I get along with her at all. Our interests and personalities are too different, even if they say 'opposites attract'. It's not amusing or anything...

I basically don't enjoy the company of many of my friends now, and the people I do enjoy are people I barely know. Right now, there's only about three people I can talk to and not feel like punching them in the face. =_= If you want a challenge, it's to talk to me and make me [i]not[/i] get annoyed. Nobody in my entire life has lasted twenty minutes without me getting a bit annoyed. It's nearly impossible, really.

My schedule in school is extremely crappy, and I'm not good at making new friends. I always feel like being alone or at least having a conversation other than the usual teenage chat. None of my friends are willing to talk about politics, religion, apsects of life, etc. If I do start a conversation like that, they pull away and change the subject.

I'm in a rut.[/size] [/B][/QUOTE]

[color=silver] [size=0] I thought we were getting along great today at lunch...nothing like this has been buggin me about u...im sorry i changed over the summer...i didnt know it was causing u to dislike me, and causing u to put quotations over the word best when ever u refer to me...[/color] [/size]

[eleanor]

[size=1] Er..you don't piss me off, it's just that I'm more happy when spending time alone.

^_^ At least there are people are connect with me right now. I'm having a hard time, school-wise and family-wise. The only person I get along with well is my sister, who barely has time for since she's in her Senior year. She's going crazy with schoolwork, trying to get into a good college, and leading her orchestra.

My mother is always pushing me to do better in my Geometry and Spanish class, saying that even though I'm still in Middle school, those subjects' grades count for college. She's not happy unless I get a 100. =_= It seems like she's over-critical most of the time, but with my dad's store opening, I don't blame her. They're all worn out, and I feel sort of useless.

Today, I spend the day not talking to my friends at [i]all[/i] after school, and instead did my homework quickly and spend the rest of day reading the fifth Harry Potter book. It felt awesome, really. But it also sort of worries me. V_V Are 13-year-olds supposed to enjoy being alone 99.9% of the time?[/size]

[Epid3mic]

maladjusted, there's a word for people like you: teenager. What you're going through is not uncommon. In fact, like so many others here, I have that same problem. But then I always remember this great quote, and I'm sure you'll know who says it:

"There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually doing something about it.
Too often a person grows complacement with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt."

[Dagger]

I see so much of my friends at school that I generally save evenings and weekends for pursuing my own interests. If you're having fun, then it doesn't matter who you're with, even if it's just yourself.

That being said, it sounds like you're pretty dissatisfied with your current situation--which is quite normal for a 13 year old. Middle school is a time when many people start to mature and grow out of their old friendships. There's nothing wrong with this, but it can get lonely at times. You should try to hold onto the friends you have now. You don't have to spend every minute of your spare time conversing with them--just don't push them away, either.

If the people you do enjoy spending time with are acquaintences rather than friends, make an effort at becoming closer to them. It certainly can't hurt, and you'll probably be a lot happier for it.

I wish you the best of luck with fixing your old friendships as well as forming new ones. In the time being, if you have the urge to talk politics, religion, or anything else that goes beyond normal teen topics, go ahead and PM me. Everyone loves a good conversation, and I'm no exception. ^__^

~Dagger~

[PloKoonDS]

Heh, welcome to the club kid. I got close to no friends, I would say just about 2. Tops. On top of that I rarely get to hang out with either of them, and on top of that when I do it has something like a month inbetween the next time we can even think about doing something. You may ask "why?". I dont know, because no one cares? Or maybe the parents are like "rwar, stay home with us, you are never home any more". Doesnt matter, but hey, welcome to the club.

~Plo

[wrist cutter]

I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU LET ME WIPE AWAY MY TEARS.

[PloKoonDS]

I wasn't looking for pity bud, only pointing out some simple facts. So ph34r.

Any who, upon further consideration, maybe she doesnt spend time with you that much any more because she "likes" you. And because of this, she becomes shy. Or whatever. You figure it out.

~Plo

[Adahn]

I used to treasure being alone. If you ask me, some children are the most horrible creatures on the face of the planet. My self-esteem took a deathblow from a few jerks whose parents never told them all of the "be nice to other children" rhetoric, but probably never meant it. Until recently, very recently, the only way I could convince myself that someone didn't automatically hate me was if they were so outgoing that they convinced me otherwise, and those are my closest friends. Right now, I CANNOT judge people. If you assume everyone dislikes you, with only the very, very rare exceptions, you realize that it doesn't matter at all to you what social parameters they fit into. I would be friendly and kind only when I was forced into contact with others, such as when I sat next to someone in class. Until I no longer was "forced" into contact with that person, I would treat them as I would an acquaintance who was close to being a friend. After there was no forced contact, however, I thought I was doing them a favor by ignoring them thereafter because I assumed they were only being civil, and didn't really want to have anything to do with me. If only I had realized earlier that this is absurd, I might have doubled, tripled, or quadrupled my friends. As of now, I'm going through the difficult process of a forced paradigm shift. It's like relearning math, and 1+1 suddenly equals five. It won't be easy, but if I don't do it, the false paradigm will only bury itself deeper into my character until nothing can dig it out. If anyone else shares my old perception of others, then I advise you to change it, now, before it's too late. I'm a senior this year, and after pushing everyone away, I'm not sure I can develop relationships, but I'll be damned if I don't try.

[Queen Asuka]

[color=hotpink][size=1]Oh, by the way, the grades you make in middle school are not even on your transcript that is sent off to colleges. Just to let you know.[/color][/size]

[eleanor]

[size=1] V_V The courses I'm taking [Geometry and Spanish] are high school courses, so even though I'm in middle school, our teachers spend about 30 minutes on the first week of school telling us that the grades I make in Geometry and Spanish affect your college transcript. :P

But who knows? You're the one who's just gone off to college, so...[/size]

[Queen Asuka]

[color=hotpink][size=1]Oh, okay, I see what's going on. When I was in middle school my Algebra I class counted as high school credit if you made an 85 or higher. I didn't even think about that...sorry. ^_^;[/color][/size]

[Naru]

Thats what my Algebra teacher said to me also....any way. this is off the subject.

I know your friends annoy you. I know this because they're my friends also & I have spent alot of time with all of you. I know for a fact that you have been annoyed by me atleast once. Every one of my friends (nothing against you so do not think that) have annoyed me at some point or another, depending on what, it varies. Yet, I still remain friends with all of them (except a small few but that is for a different reason.)

It is not a matter of opinion but a fact, that there will be times that you will feel like punching someone in the face but will forget in a few minutes. If you do not, then you need to let it go & move on.

I mean not to offend anyone if you do not agree with anything I have said.

~NaRu