Writing Journalist Audition

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[size=1][b]I'm auditioning for school journalist, and this is my paper. I really want in, so please rate it.

The Apple Festival
#3

It?s that time of year again, and everyone knows what that means; fun and happiness at the Jackson County Apple Festival. Rides, parades, games and more lie within the gates of this festival, awaiting for families to come and experience the fun they have to offer. From the past to the present, the Apple Festival is a way of life for the residents of Jackson County.

The tradition of the Festival began in the spring of 1937, when a group of members from the Jackson Chamber of Commerce had the idea to develop an annual event that would have meaning to citizens living in and around Jackson, Ohio.

At that point in time, there were more than 40 farmers from Jackson producing apples all over the country. This group also felt that something should be brought to Jackson in order to bring both small town and big town people together. Bearing this in mind, the Apple Festival, which was hoped to advertise all the industries, especially apples, was created. It also gave former residents a reason to come back and visit with friends and family.

The first festival brought great challenges. On the second day, a tremendous storm blew the roofs off of many booths. Yet, to the surprise of many who ran the booths, the crowds still came with interest. Although it was an interest to the people of Jackson, the first festival was also a financial disaster. Ten of the initial promoters signed a note at the bank so all the debts they accumulated as a result of the Festival would be paid. However, these men were not discouraged and began to plan a bigger, better festival for the next year. In time, the note was paid off and all succeeding festivals have paid their own way.

With the tradition of the Apple Festival comes the election of the Apple Festival Queen and Court. Courtney Wills has been elected as the Queen this year, and Sarah Beth Roseberry and Leah Evans her court. Past queens have included Erica Jo Alcantara (2002), Jenny Bragg (2001), and Kristi Sturgill (2000).

As with Apple Queen, comes the choosing of the Grand Marshall. Each year, a new one is chosen and this year, Ms. Alice Smith, the owner of The Fashion on Main Street, and former Spanish teacher at Jackson High School has been chosen.

Parades, rides, games and entertainment are all waiting for the residents of Jackson to arrive. With the catchy theme of "Apples and Me Under the Sea", we all hope that this year's Festival will be as successful as years before.
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Edit: Thank you BabyGirl, for the help. I edited and replaced.

[BabyGirl]

[color=deeppink]Leh, I hope you don't mind that I'm going to strip this down a bit and edit it. I was copy editor for my school year book, and I have a lot of experience in editing, so yes. But keep in mind that the corrections are only good suggestions, and you definitely don't [i]have[/i] to use them :)

[b]Edit: Buh, apparently the [strikeout] option doesn't work, so just assume that it is crossing out the words between [strikeout] and [/strikeout][/b][/color]

[b][size=1][color=darkblue]I fixed your tags. -Shy. :whoops:[/color][/size][/b]

[size=1][b]
The Apple Festival
#3

It?s that time of year again, and everyone knows what that means[color=red];[/color] fun and happiness at the Jackson County Apple Festival. Rides, parades, games and more lie within the gates of this festival, awaiting [color=red][strike]for[/color][/strike] families to [color=red][strike]have fun with them[/strike] come and experience the fun they have to offer[/color]. From the past to the present, the Apple Festival is a way of life for [color=red][strike]Jackson residents[/strike] the residents of Jackson County. [If you use only 'Jackson' as in a city, it can become confusing since you mentioned the County in the title of the Festival.[/color].

[color=red][strike]It all[/strike]The tradition of the Festival [strike]started[/strike] began[/color] in the spring of 1937, when a group of members [strike][color=red]of[/strike] from[/color] the Jackson Chamber of Commerce had the idea to develop [color=red][strike]new ideas that could really mean something to the people of Jackson, Ohio and its surrounding neighbors[/strike] an anual event that would have meaning to citizens living in and around Jackson, Ohio.[/color]

[color=red][strike]In this[/strike] At that point in time [strike],[/strike][/color] there were more than 40 farmers from Jackson producing apples all over the country. This group [color=red][strike]too[/strike] also felt [color=red]that[/color] something should be brought to Jackson [color=red]in order[/color] to bring [color=red]both[/color] small town and big town people together. [color=red][strike]Bearing[/strike] Keeping[/color] this in mind, the Apple Festival, which was hoped to advertise all the industries, especially apples, was created. It also [color=red][strike]allowed former residents to come back and visit their friends and family[/strike]gave former residents a reason to come back and visit with friends and family.[/color]

The first festival brought great challenges. On the second day, a tremendous storm blew the roofs off of many booths. Yet, to [color=red][strike]many festival-goers surprise[/strike] the surprise of many who ran the booths [? I'm not sure if you meant booth-owners were surprised or if the crowds were surprised. But if the crowds showed up, then they wouldn't be surprised that they were there, since they chose to go in the first place...heh][/color], the crowds still came with interest. Although it was an interest to the people of Jackson, the first festival was [color=red]also[/color] a financial disaster. Ten of the initial promoters signed a note at the bank so all the debts they [color=red][strike]had[/strike] accumulated as a result of the Festival[/color] would be paid. [color=red]However,[/color] these men were not discouraged and began to plan a bigger, better festival for the next year. In time, the note was paid off and all succeeding festivals have paid their own way.

With the tradition of the Apple Festival comes [color=red][strike]with[/color][/strike] the election of the Apple Festival Queen and Court. Courtney Wills has been elected as the Queen this year, and Sarah Beth Roseberry and Leah Evans her court. Past queens have included Jenny Bragg (2001), Barbie Britton (1984), and Helen Woodruff (1941). [color=red][Just out of curiousity, why did you include past queens from waaay back when?[/color]

As with Apple Queen, comes the choosing of the Grand Marshall. Each year[color=red][strike],[/color][/strike] a new one is chosen and this year, Ms. Alice Smith, the owner of The Fashion [color=red]on[/color] (Main Street)[color=red][strike],[/color][/strike] and former Spanish teacher at Jackson High School [color=red][strike]was[/strike] has been [watch your tense.][/color] chosen.

[color=red][strike]This year?s theme is ?Apples and Me Under the Sea?, and we all hope this year will be as great as years before.[/strike] Parades, rides, games and entertainment are all waiting for the residents of Jackson to arrive. [color=red]With the [catchy?] theme of "Apples and Me Under the Sea", we all hope that this year's Festival will be as [strike]great[/strike] successful as years before.[/color]
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[color=deeppink]Your storytelling is great, and the order in which you sequenced the information is solid. I just knit-picked your phrasing, wording, etc. I realize that a lot of what I corrected is probably just your style of writing, but I'm just correcting it all from an editor's point of view.

One thing you may want to include in the article is the dates of this year's Festival, just in case people who read it were wondering.

Other than that, it looks great! Good luck on the journalist audition!

-Jenna[/color]

[Spikey]

Wow Zach, I must say that is pretty good. I actually read the whole thing. The kind of sentences you use, for example: It's that time again, is very catchy and nice. I see a lot of journalists use that, and all of them have suceeded in all of their work. Great job Zach! I would love to see more. Also I hope you get the position to be school newspaper journalist, best of luck to you!

- ?³?æ?È?ç

[Patronus]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Spikey [/i]
[B]Wow Zach, I must say that is pretty good. I actually read the whole thing. The kind of sentences you use, for example: It's that time again, is very catchy and nice. I see a lot of journalists use that, and all of them have suceeded in all of their work. Great job Zach! I would love to see more. Also I hope you get the position to be school newspaper journalist, best of luck to you!

- ?³?æ?È?ç [/B][/QUOTE]

[size=1][b]Thank you, Spikey. Comments like yours make me feel good.[/b][/size]

[eleanor]

[size=1] Your introduction of the journal entry was very good; it's hard to come up with catchy ones nowadays. Anyways, the structure of the whole story is laid out very well, and you get the point across well. The story's not too long to bore the readers, and not to short to seem like a 5-minute whim.

Great job, Leh. ^_^ Hope you get that position![/size]