Carr Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 I love this poem I wrote, but I need to finish the third to last line, any ideas. I has to rhyme with be. [color=blue] fake flowers are like broken dreams future fancies frozen in time reminders of a better day of summers carefree rhymes just as artuficial shrubbery tries to brighten witner rooms winter dreams try to guide us though night's sullen tombs until the day comes broken and hopeful thoughts of this hour crash dead upon the rocks like a fallen ornate flower faux flowers bring cheer and color when viewed from far away but when one stops to smell the roses are not given time of day real flowers have their time alive fufilling a short while eventually they run their corse and endup on some rotten pile everlasting blooms stay fresh for forever and a day but are ultimately overlooked forgotten in the fray however neglected ingnored ---------------------------- they will sit waiting a reminder of what would be[/color] ghaa I hate leaving it blank, but nothing I put in there seems right. Other constuctive criticizm would be appreciated too. :therock: [b] Edit[/b] Wow, I cannot spell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rein Sakado Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 How about if you put in: 'wishing once more to be free' in the blank space? Would that work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carr Posted September 19, 2003 Author Share Posted September 19, 2003 I dunno, I was trying to keep with the whole flower/dreams theme. Tis a good suggestion though, thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted September 21, 2003 Share Posted September 21, 2003 Sharing their melody O.o ehm yesh... dunno why i thought of that... "being forgetten maybe" (-___-) Anyways i really like the poem. Great job. Too bad for the blank line Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinkoru Posted September 21, 2003 Share Posted September 21, 2003 however neglected ingnored frozen in an ageless frame they will sit waiting a reminder of what would be That sound cool? ^_^ Hope I helped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carr Posted September 30, 2003 Author Share Posted September 30, 2003 [color=blue] however neglected ingnored, [color=red] left in the debree,[/color] they will sit waiting[/color] [color=blue]a reminder of what would be[/color] What do you think? I like it! thanks for the suggestions, and just to keep the thread going: [b] Does anyone else have any unfinished poems that we can helf with?[/b] :therock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinkoru Posted September 30, 2003 Share Posted September 30, 2003 Oh wow. I like whatca did! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitch Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 [size=1] Nice poem. You show good use of metaphors, which is one of the main things I base nearly everything I write around. Another plus is it rhymes. So the poem works rather well. Nah, more than rather, it works. The third to last line you added works well as well. Yeah. Just keep on writing heh. This is just the tip of the iceberg as far as I'm concerned![/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted October 1, 2003 Share Posted October 1, 2003 [size=1]Oh, my. Praise from Mitch. Carr, dahlink, be proud.[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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