Writing Fear

[Burori]

[FONT=times new roman] Just to let you all know I'm new at this poem making thing so don't make fun of me please. This poem I just made up today and my teacher liked it so much that it's going into my school's yearbook. Please give me your thoughts about it.

[U] Fear [/u]

I do not fear the end,

yet I fear the beginning of things.

I do not fear Death,

yet I fear life itself.

I only feel pain,

never pleasure.

No one feels my pain,

No one wants to feel my pain.

I am alone,

and I am afraid to be alone.

I am incomplete.

I am a human being.

I am a teenager!




[/FONT]

[Meteora]

[color=666666][size=1][i]Wow that was well written. It sounded like something inspired that poem. Well if not you did a good job. Keep it up you are great at this.[/color][/size][/i]

[Boo]

Very well written. I especially like the beginning, but the last line is not good... I dont like "!" 's in a poem that much and well... Its so sudden lol

[Mitch]

[size=1] It was very average...had nothing figurative in it, nothing painted, nothing even meaning anything but weak uses of words that have been used often. To me, for poetry to be joyful and intersting, it has to either be abstract or have some kind of rhytm. This doesn't do this..

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, just truthful.[/size]

[Burori]

I understand that Mitch and I'm glad that you think it isn't a good poem, but this is my first one. I'm going to make a new one soon that does rhyme. I hope you all will like it.

[Heavyblade]

I thought it was good exept for the part that said I'm a teenager. I think that took away from the piece. Otherwise good
9/10

[Mitch]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ssjBrolli [/i]
[B]I understand that Mitch and I'm glad that you think it isn't a good poem, but this is my first one. I'm going to make a new one soon that does rhyme. I hope you all will like it. [/B][/QUOTE]

[size=1] Hey, great. I mean, as writers, we all start somewhere...I used to be as bad as this, heh.

Thanks for understanding...most people would take it as rude. I'll definitely read into your next poem then and help you out.[/size]

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo]Its alright...keep on writing though, never let one poem represent you. I have written a lot of garbage, but occasionally something good emerges.[/color]

[Burori]

In the end:

In the beginning I see you laugh,

I see you smile and look down at me.

But in the end I see you cry,

And I think how can this be?

You showed me love and things I never knew,

Things I will always remember.

But now I see without even realising it,

We shall never meet in another December.

You were my friend my closest friend,

one whom I always counted on.

But seeing you there laying down,

I realise you are now gone.

I write to you in my fondest memories,

your life I saw in my eyes.

You were my cousin but to me you were more like a sister,

and now I realise that in the end that love never dies.

If you are wondering this is deticated to my cousin whom I cared for so much.

[Guest MoTerror]

your poems were well written and greatly inspired, ur mind is a perfect source fro, which your poems where concieved, as well as your feelings where portrayed as an important image,as well your writings may even be greater than those of Robert Frost. And that is a great feat, which is well deserved. Keep it up, once again your work was intriguing

[Burori]

Thanks a lot Brother. That means a lot to me. So what do you think Mitch?

[Ares]

I think that was beautiful, seriously. I rarely read emotional poems, and that was really good. It was well written and definitely well-inspired. It has inspired me to write of my feelings. Very nice job, Brolli, keep it up. You could be really good at this, you are already good. Congratulations on writing this beautiful piece.

[Burori]

All credit goes to my cousin. God how I miss her.

[Mitch]

[size=1] This one I enjoyed a lot more than the first. The way you write poems...with one-line stanzas is certainly interesting. I guess it kind of works, but really, I'm so used to stanzas lol.


I liked it. It appeals to the mood I seem to be in at the moment, lol. Some of the stanzas in it were especially effective, such as:

"We shall never meet in another December,"

"and now I realise that in the end that love never dies."

And so on.

I think the thing I like the most is how simple it is; using the language in the easiest and most "how it is" way you can. It isn't labored down with metaphors, similies, and other stylistic devices, but rather, you just tell it like it is, like you're talking to a dear friend. It works. Write more.[/size]

[Burori]

Thanks, if you are wondering, this cousin of mine is like a sister to me and she died 10 years ago. I put all my feelings in this poem and I'm glad you liked it Mitch. Don't worry I'll make more. :)

[Inuyashagurl_15]

They are so good I like them a lot....I was wondering could I copy them and put them in my poem book??? Under your name of corse.

[Burori]

Humm for your soul and A plushie. lol sure go ahead I won't mind. Umm do me a big favour though.

Don't go around showing my last poem to eveyone you see. It's very important to me. I put my heart and soul in that one.

OH and this just in Mitch I'm makin a new one soon. It's going to be about my first day of school. I got to get a life lol. Well later.

[Inuyashagurl_15]

Not a problem I wont show every 1 I see k
ummmmmmm I'll give you my soul but im afraid I cant part with my
plushie.....lol

[Burori]

WHAT NO PLUSHIE! No deal lol J/K. Anyways I'm having computer trouble so my poem won't be up for a while. Give me like 6 days and it should be up. later.

[Inuyashagurl_15]

ok no prob.
(But I cant give you my lovley plushie lol :p its mine ha ha ha) insanity is only the first step
N-e-whoo
pm me when its up k

[Burori]

Okay my latest on school. *Note* This is a rough draft!

with that said.

[i]

The first day!

My knees they are shakin,

My heart it is ackin.

The doors they now open,

Right now I am hopin.

School's here and today is today,

Children scream, laugh, and play.

Teacher'S call for silence again,

Children turn their ears to them.

The first bell rings to call the period to an end,

The second goes off, say goodbye to a friend.

The third goes off in 50 minutes in sucess,

The children laugh and scream, "It's Recess!"

Cafeteria is flooded in rows and more,

Children come in and out the door.

Laughter and chatter is all to hear,

Until the bell rings again the children most fear.

Class returns in a unfortunate cause,

Children moan and groan all because.

The class ends in 50 minutes and counting down,

The children sit there and await with a frown.

The bell rings again the children all cheer,

But to the next class we go, better get into gear.

Gum is the next one, a happy fun class,

Some kids though act like an ***.

Upcomes the bell the children in a bunch,

Crowd together and scream out "It's Finally Lunch!"

Voices again crowd the cafeteria room,

Food ends on the floor, here comes the janitor with a broom.

A monitor is set up on walls and doors,

To be sure no one harms or vadalises the floor.

Fifth period arrives qith hundreds of bellows,

Sixth period later on haunly follows.

At the end the children scream out, "YAHOO!"

Until they realise they have homework to do.
[/i]
Well that's my most resent poem. So guys/gals what do you think? And you too Mitch! I have to get your expert advice!

[Guest MoTerror]

very good poem man, not exactly what i felt on the first day of school, but i guess you could always see it that way, i found the first day, lets say, i wanted to assasinate the teachers...lol anyways very good and keep it up

[Burori]

Thanks man. Humm assasinate the teachers sounds like fun lol J/K. I'm working on more poems so I hope everyone will like them.

PS: If anyone is wondering MoTerror and I go to the same school lol.

[Inuyashagurl_15]

cOOL Its nice that both of you go to the same school. Nobody on this goes to mine......not many people like this stuff. How sad *looks around and falls backward* tear tear.