Writing Bio- Another Poem

[Bio]

I made this as I wrote it. I actually got the idea of writing this from
my last post on Lost Hearts, in the Adventure section.
________________

Bio

In this world, there lie two things;
Eternal hope and hopeless dreams

These things wage war,
Some fight for wings
Some fight for evil, wicked dreams

So what to do?
Devide is key:
Make a land for each philosophy

The wicked ones
Are cast away
To plan their vengance hopelessly

The purer ones,
Find eternal peace,
And rest forever, worrilessly

A boundry brakes,
But who will side,
On dark;
Who will side on light?

Elements break,
Laws are destroyed,
Who will save us from this void?

Life will rise,
Its cry to live!
Bio will annihilate!

Sealed away,
Are two worlds,
Two points of veiw
Two universal things.

Final, and Eternal breathe,
Sperate from each other's needs

[Mitch]

[size=1] Some parts of this poem I really liked, such as:

"Life will rise,
It's cry to live!
Bio will annihilate!"

Yet notice the incorrect usage of "its" in this sentence. "It's" is only used with the apostrophe in its contractional form--it is. Otherwise, if it is possesive, then it comes out as "its." It's just a little thing, but little things make bigger things. But as a whole I like this stanza--especially the second line, since it is so...unexpected? Sort of.

There were other stanzas I liked as well. The main thing I'd like to say is what I said in the last thread--I feel this thing could be tighter and more focused. Let your stanzas be as big as they want to be. Eventually, if you become great enough as a writer at the very art, you will notice that you won't even be consciously thinking if you want a stanza to be this long or that long. You'll just do it mechanically, and thereby your poems won't have this...unfocused feeling.

So just let stanzas go naturally. Try to at least, if you can't let them come naturally, let them have some meat to their bones, rather than conning around in dancing fragments.

Breathing room is good, and this is what stanzas provide; but this is the same thing as with writing paragraphs--too many is too much, and they cause the entire flow of everything to be fragmented, and the reader to lose interest.

Mostly I am saying just be more focused. Transition. Give it some essence, some substance. Otherwise the poem is good, but stumbles in what I've said.[/size]

[Bio]

Aww crap. I did it again. I need to look over the poem more carefully. Its, It's, Its, It's! I'll try to remember! Thanks, though.
I know the second line was odd, but I had to fill something in there, and I couldn't find better words.