Writing Something recent.

[Red]

[color=002E55]This is rather rough, I would call it a first draft. I like it so far but could use some outside opinions and criticism. It's not meant to be long at all.[/color]

[center]Jay[/center]

He lay awake on his bed, living the usual dream out in his mind, which was gradually growing more twisted as his life seemingly dragged on.

Sitting up, he glanced out of the open window to see a bleak night sky; a few stars resisting consumption by the clouds and showing their distant faces. A gust of wind sent the curtains flapping into the air, and Jay smiled faintly.

[i]Cause and effect[/i] he thought. The two words whirled around in his mind like the curtains. The wind had blown ? the curtains had moved as a consequence. Now he was trying to find a cause for his effect. The small smirk disappeared from Jay?s face as he began to think.

He felt like a walking cliché. Boy grows up, boy gets tired of life, boy dies with what seems like miniscule reasons to do so. But they weren?t miniscule reasons to him. He had played every strategy in the game, but had always lost. If he was always going to lose ? why bother playing the game?

He admired the picture of a former love and the blade at the same time. They both seemed so innocent, yet both left you to bleed without a care in the world, and both were cold.

Jay would never place the reason of his death onto her, she wasn?t worth it, despite how he had said she meant everything in the world to him, he had to deny it now. He had to pretend it was all okay ? pretend he had let his love die. It hadn?t, and he couldn?t do it; so he had to die and take it down with him.

He realized he was placing the blame on her, let out a long sigh, and slowly lifted the blade from the table. It shimmered, even under the room?s discreet lighting. Jay?s hands dripped with sweat; which was soon mixed with blood as the blade fiercely kissed his flesh. A thought of regret momentarily dropped into his head, but he shook it off, reciting his previous reasons over and over until they consumed all thoughts of going back. Jay whispered to himself as he drew the blade across his other wrist, as if to reassure himself that what he had chosen to do had good reasoning behind it. As blood poured from his arms, he forgot his reasons.

The thick blood oozed from the deep wounds in his wrists, as if eager to escape and it all for Jay. He wondered if his body whole-heartedly agreed or was just trying to make it painless.

The walls gently waved and swirled into a mix of colour and light, Jay?s head floating slowly down onto the now blood-soaked pillow.

He whispered a sweet goodbye to nothing, along with everything, forgetting all except the person he gave the life he was taking a long time ago.

[Heavyblade]

Wow! Really good! I write like this to. I think it's easier to write about dark things. You did beautifully with your words and descriptions. Very good. Just a few minor problems that are easily dealt with. Good job.

[Red]

[color=002E55]What minor problems are they? Specifics would be really appreciated. >.>;[/color]