Writing OB fanfic: A Sweet Romance

[Japan]

I am doing this in parts...so I will explain which OBer is who
These are their actual names...
Transtic Nerve-Chris
Charles-Charles
Neoclone-7- Colin
Braidless Baka-Samantha "Sam"
Otakusennen-Nick
WW2- Will
James-James
Battosai-Josh
KKC-Caroline
Syk3-Greg
Kittylynn-Kayla
Tigergodess-Samantha
Sara-Sara
Queen Asuka-Tori
Japan_86-Laura
SSJBrolli-Kyle
Kaola Su-Natalie

Enjoy this first part

[i] "Hey Laura, get up! You are going to be late!" yelled Will from the bottom of the stairs. Will was Laura's fertunal twin brother. He had brown hair and green eyes with glasses, while Laura had brown hair and eyes with no glasses. They were much alike in many ways.
Laura said, "I'm awake, I'm awake!" Laura got up into a sitting position on her bed. Nick, Laura and Will's little 12 year old brother, walked in without knocking.
"Mom told me to come tell you that breakfast is almost done," said Nick.
"K, thanks," replied Laura as she stood up and walked over her messy closet. She got out a pair of baggy black pants, and a couple of shirts.
"So are you excited for school?"
"No, not really. The same old thing happens every year. No date for the Hello Week Couple Dance. I hate it. It is so boring. Junior year is going to be a living hell."
"school is not like that at all! School is very fun. I am very excited for it."
"Whatever," said Laura as she shoved Nickout the door. "You need to get out. I need to change."
"K"
Laura pushed Nick all the way out into the hallway and closed the door. Laura hurriedly put on the pants and shirts she found earlier. One of the shirts she picked out was a long sleeved white shirt. She put that on first. The other shirt, which was just a plain black t-shirt with System of a Down across the front over the white one. She brushed her long brown hair in front of the mirror. A tall slim 17 year old girl was staring back at her.
She made her way downstairs and into the kitchen. Will and Nick were sitting on one side, her father at the end reading his newspaper and drinking his coffee from time to time, and her mother was cooking scrambled eggs over the stove. Will was giving Nick a noogie. Will was wearing baggy blue jeans and a Rurouni Kenshin t-shirt, and Nick, who had brown eyes and hair was wearing green shorts and an Evangelion t-shirt with the character Rei on it.
"About time you joined us." said Laura's father as he looked up from his newpaper and sipped some coffee. "Please sit down."
Laura sat down. Only Nick seemed to be happy about school starting that morning. Laura siliently ate her breakfast.[/i]

[OtakuSennen]

[color=darkblue]*dances around* I'm in it. I feel special.

It seems really good from this point, Laura. It's written with a nice, upbeat style. I can just imagine that sound from Evangelion, titled Misato, playing its happy tune in the background.

This is gonna end up being a truly nice story. However, you did misspell "coffee" and "noogie", however I'm not even entirely sure how to spell the first one.

I won't give a rating until the entire story is done, if that's all right.

But why am I so happy..? I guess we'll just have to find out.[/color]

[Burori]

O.o ohh I can't wait till I'm in here. I get to be an annoying little Brother lol, can't remember who's. lol. Good work L. You have a gift in writing.

[Shinmaru]

Pretty nice story so far, even if it's missing one key element...me ~_^ In all seriousness, though, it's a good story so far. Poor Sennen, though...getting shoved into a hallway and catching a noogie...doesn't the poor guy get enough abuse at school lol?

[KKC]

I want to see more! Where is my Ickle Adam(not OB Adam)?! hehe...

I think I know why Nick is ready for school to begin *hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink* This is going to be really cool! You have inspired me (in some odd way) to write a fic! Yay!

[Japan]

Her first day of school wasn'tso bad. She got a few classes with her friends, Kayla, Samantha, Caroline, Josh, and James. They also had the same lunch. (Sam hated to be called Samantha so everyone called her Sam.) At lunch, Josh and James were playing Yu Gi Oh, and Caroline, Kayla, and Sam were talking about their boyfriends. Caroline was talking about her boyfriend, Adam, whom she met over the summer at band camp. Kayla and Sam weretalking about their dates with their boyfriends also.
"So Laura, do you have a boyfriend?" asked Kayla.
"No"...
"Why not?" asked Caroline.
"Well, I guess I didn't have any luck."
"Ugh! You need to start looking? You need a date for the dance that is coming up in less than a week."
"I know, I know!"
Brring!!!
The bell ending lunch rang. Everyone departed. James and Sam went to English. Kayla and Caroline went to math, and Josh and Laura to chemistry.
Josh and Laura sat together along the back row, Josh to Laura's right and another cool, cute-looking guy to her left. The teacher, Mr. Collar, silenced the class.
"Now students, I hope that chemistry will be a fun class for you all. When I call your name, please indicate your presence. Chris?"
"Here!" A guy up towards the front with blond highlights said.
"Samantha?"
The girl next to Chris spoke up, "Here!" She was very cheery.
"Colin?"
"Here!" Chris turned around and stared at Colin.
It took awhile for the attendance to finally come to the guy to Laura's left.
"Charles?"
The guy finally responded. Laura thought to herself, so that's what his name is. Cool.
Laura spend the rest of the period watching every move that Charles made. Josh seemed to be ther only one to take notice.
The rest of the school day went smoothly. Will and Laura drove home in his black Toyota Camry.
"So how was your day?" he asked.
"It was okay. Lunch was fun".
"Heh!" I don't like my english teacher! She's a pain!"
Laura sighed and opened the window. Will put in his Rob Zombie CD and they listened to that all the way back to their house. Nick walked home from school so he was already home. He was really hyper. You could tell because he was jumping up and down excitedly when Laura and Will arrived.
"School was awesome!"
"I'll bet it was," Will responded sarcastically.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dinner was the usual. Will picked on Nick. Laura was quiet. Their parents talked about the news. Since Laura had no homework and it being California it was still hot outside so Laura jumped in the pool and did a few laps. All of the events of her first day ran through her head over and over. She checked her watch. It was 10:45 PM. She climbed out of the pool, her swimsuit dripping wet. Laura sat in the grass to dry off and brush her hair before heading in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day at lunch before Laura showed up, Josh told James, Samantha, Caroline, and Kayla about Laura's crush on Charles. So when Laura arrived, she was pounced upon with a flurry of questions. Josh and James were teasing her a bit, too. The lunch period was kind of annoying. To Laura's relief, the bell rang. Chemistry was next so she was looking forward to seeing Charles.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The chemistry teacher put everyone in pairs. Charles and Laura ended up together. They were doing an experiment with wather and hot plates. Charles and Laura started to talk. They talked about their likes and dislikes. Charles really liked wrestling and video games. Laura liked video games as well. By the end of class, Laura was invited to go over to Charles' house after school. It was nice and big. It had a hot tub in the back and his house was just as nice inside. His little brother came up.
"Hi! Hey Charles, who's the girl?"
"Hey, Kyle," greeted Charles. "This is a friend of mine, Laura. Laura, this is my little brother, Kyle".
"Hey there" said Laura gleefully.
"Hi" said seven-year-old Kyle.
"Are you my big brother's new girlfriend?" asked Kyle curiously.
Both Laura and Charles started to blush.
"No," said Charles. "Just a friend".
Charles and Laura made their way upstairs to his bedroom. His room was tidy and spacious. He had a play station 2 with a few fighting andwrestling games. He had a pile of wrestling and video game magazines stacked neatly in one corner. An expensive stereo system sat on his dresser and a TV and VCR sat beneath the window. Charles dropped his bookbag on the floor near his closet. Laura followed suit and did the same.
"So, what do you want to do?" asked Charles.;
"I don't know. What do you want to do?"
"Video games?"
"Sure!"
They played Tekken 4 unti 6. They were having so much fun. Laura ended up staying for dinner. They had pizza which was really good. It was seven when Laura needed to go home. Charles drove her. His car was a midnight blue Mitsubishi Eclipse. The car's interior was just as nice as its exterior. It was very comfortable. Then minutes later Laura arrived home. Laura had had a good time. She had now found another friend.

[Burori]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Japan_86 [/i]
[B] His little brother came up.
"Hi! Hey Charles, who's the girl?"
"Hey, Kyle," greeted Charles. "This is a friend of mine, Laura. Laura, this is my little brother, Kyle".
"Hey there" said Laura gleefully.
"Hi" said seven-year-old Kyle.
"Are you my big brother's new girlfriend?" asked Kyle curiously.
Both Laura and Charles started to blush.
"No," said Charles. "Just a friend". [/B][/QUOTE]


Yah :D That's me!!!!!!!! My ticket to fame! Nice work L. You are very good at writing.

[OtakuSennen]

^_^ I'm the annoying little brother whom nobody pays attention to and loving it!

Yep, the story is moving on quite well. Of course there are some typos in there and there's some nitpicking on my own part, particularly with redundancy in the mid-section. But it's nothing too critical.

Ooh, Charles' house has a hot tub. *wink wink, nudge nudge, hint hint* I think I may know where this is going.

In some sections, though, you'll find that the sentences get a little choppy. You might want to use more conjunctions in future chapters.

Keep it up, Laura!

[WW2]

Yay! Someone finally wrote something with me in it!

Plus, I've got a black Toyota Camry, which is so much better than my little white Toyota truck.

Well the story is good so far, I'm interested in seein' how it progresses.
I look forward to the next entry.:D

[Charles]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by OtakuSennen [/i]
[B]Ooh, Charles' house has a hot tub. *wink wink, nudge nudge, hint hint* I think I may know where this is going.[/B][/QUOTE]

Yes, I never knew that I had a hot tub. Perhaps I should let Laura be the ghost writer for my biography some day. The story would probably be better than its real-life counterpart. I'd be stylin'. :toothy:

All in all, this is a sweet story and a fun read. I'm very flattered to be included. ^_^;

[Burori]

HAHAHAHAHA I'm your brother Charles. Now that's messed up huh?

[Geist]

[COLOR=blue]
This is turning out to be quite an interesting story, J-pan. I can't wait to read about a certain character who has not yet been introduced...I can't wait to read the rest! Please, please write some more! *pouts and stares with puppy eyes*
[/COLOR]

[KKC]

Yay! Adam and I are going out! *does Happy dance*

but... in real life hes going out with the clarinet player! NOOOOO! *dies*

[Charles]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ssjBrolli [/i]
[B]HAHAHAHAHA I'm your brother Charles. Now that's messed up huh? [/B][/QUOTE]

Nah, couldn't have asked for a better person to play the part. heh :)

[Braidless Baka]

*prods Geist* and who might that "certain character who has not been introduced" be? *chuckles*

Nice work J-pan-chan, I'm still watching ^____^

[Japan]

Hey guys, here is the next part. It is getting close to the end...somewhat. Anyways, I want to add another person to the list of OBers that are in this. I just wasn't sure if he was going to PM me back, but he did. [b]Geist-Johann[/b]. So there you go. enjoy....and reply, please.

[i]Wednesday

At lunch, Laura's friends were exclaiming, "I knew it, I knew it!"
Kayla, Sam, and Caroline were excited and kept on saying that Laura was so lucky. Laura couldn't wait for lunch to end. She wanted to see Charles. She wanted to thank him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In chemistry, Charles and Laura were talking and passing notes the whole period. The girls, Josh noticed, seemed to be looking at Charles dreamingly, while looking at Laura with piercing cold eyes. The girls looked like they were getting jealous. Charles and Laura didn't notice.
It was now 3 days till that couple dance for Hello Week at school to take place. Everyone who didn't get a date yet were tense. Josh and James had a little trouble finding theirs, but by the end of the day, they found 2 girls, Sara and Tori. Will also found a date. His date was a girl named Natalie. Kayla, Sam, and Caroline went with their boyfriends. Caroline was very hyper talking about Adam this, and Adam that. Sam, who is pretty quiet about dances, was very excited as well. She was so happy to be going with her boyfriend, Johann. They just started going out in early July. The only one who didn't have a date yet was Laura. Chemistry was now over. That girl, Samantha, was talking to Chris up in front of the class room. Charles told Laura to stay behind while he put away the beakers and Bunsen burners, for it was his turn to put them away. Laura, who followed Chris to the back of the room, couldn't help but over hear what Chris and Samanttha were saying, for they were a little loud.
"Hey Chris, I was wondering...," started Samantha.
"Yes?"
"I was wondering, will...will, will you go to the dance with me? I really like you a lot."
"I am sorry," said Chris, "I cannot returen your feelings. I'm gay. I don't really want to go with you."
Chris left the room with an eye watering Samantha behind him. Charles motioned for Laura to look at him, and she looked up into his brown eyes. Charles started to speak.
"Laura, I had fun yesterday, and you are very sweet, nice, and fun to hang out with. Well, will you go to the dance with me?"
"Sure! I would love to go with you."
Charles and Laura left the room together.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Right after school, Kayla, Caroline, Sam, and Laura went dress shopping. It took several hours for them to find the right one. Kayla got a sparkly pink dress with no straps, Sam got a black satin dress, and Caroline got a bright red dress with straps. Laura got a deep blue dress the reached all the way to the floor. It had no straps either. All four girls were excited for the dance on Saturday and couldn't wait.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday passed quickly. The guys who were going to te dance, bought their black slacks, white shirts, and ties. Samantha, the girl in chemistry got asked by that guy named Colin. She said yes, and she seemed much happier. Chis on the other hand got all upset that Colin found a date already. It seemed as though Chris had a crush on Colin. [/i]

[Braidless Baka]

Wheeeeeee!! I get to go on a date with my husband!!

O_o;; Although... doesn't it usually work the other way round?

Meh, whatever ^_^ Keep writing it and I'll keep reading it! *is enjoying it so far*

[OtakuSennen]

[color=midnightblue]And so the climax builds.

I'm liking where this has gone and where it is going, 86. It's a sweet story, and the sentences have started to flow a little better now. The chapter was a little bit short, but as long as the next one comes soon enough I will have no problem with this fact. You're being very descriptive in the writing as well. Though I think you may want to put another section breaker around the middle of that big old section in the middle of it. It looks like too large of a section in comparison to the rest of them.

Post the next one soon, Laura!
[/color]

[WW2]

Hey you finally posted the 2nd part!

The story seems to be getting better, with the dance drawing closer and closer.
The thing between Chris, Samantha, and Colin was a good addition, and helps add depth.

Oh, and I see I actually got a date to the dance. Yay! :D

If only I knew how to dance....

[Burori]

[FONT=times new roman][COLOR=darkblue]

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! IS THIS THE END OF MY FIVE MINUTES OF FAME? SHOOT!

Still L. You are a talented writer, you'll become a great author if you want to be.

Umm you think you can squeaze me in the nest chapter if you feel like it.[/font][/color]

[Transtic Nerve]

I'm a mean evil nasty little queer aren't I lol.

This is kinda odd, just reading a story here is odd enough but I promised I would. Not that it's bad, it's actually really good. I dunnow hat you said about the story being almost over, I think it would be cool to make it go on for a while, like agiant soap opera of OBer people... and I'm interested on seeing just how developed my character gets.... and he should appologize for being so rude to that poor girl lol.