Eclectic Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 I started writing this a while ago, but I can't think of a way to finish it. Help and comments would be very much appreciated. ------ Dreams (tentative title) What if you suddenly couldn't wake up from your dreams? Would you remain in your world of make beleive? Or would you leave this world and move on to the next? Would your body remain without your soul? Or would you rot in the ground? And what if you could suddenly awake from those dreams? Would anyone know? Or would they beleive they want too much to talk to you to realize you were really there? Would anyone care? Or would you be just another person who got wasted and died? Would anyone remember you? Or would they remember that something seems to be missing and be unable to think of what it is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MoTerror Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 this poem was very good..... many questions remain left unanswered, and i believe that is the way you should end it, answer those questions for yourself, explain your answers and try to conect witht those reading it... all in all this was very good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eclectic Posted October 8, 2003 Author Share Posted October 8, 2003 Well, here's yet another poem of mine. And the person I'm referring to isn't really my older brother. ----- You've gone away from me To fight a war that isn't yours Because the man you looked up to so Pushed you away And filled your place Both in his heart and in his home He made it so there was no place for you So you left But you should know I still want you here And so do so many others We love you so much And I don't want my big brother to go Come back to me I want you to see me off to my junior prom And intimidate my boyfriend I still can't play basketball and I still can't drive Will you still teach me? I still have to show you how to play field hockey and lacrosse I want to show you my new hobbies And you can show me yours Any time is fine with me As long as you're there Love, [name removed] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeos Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 Those poems, are very good.. You must be proud of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eclectic Posted October 9, 2003 Author Share Posted October 9, 2003 Thanks, I appreciate your comments. I don't have anything new at the moment, but I'll try to write more soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carr Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 I like them. They make me think. I mean, more than I normaly do, which is a lot! ^__^ Anyway, keep up the good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest geniewolf Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 dude!!! well me have not seen something as beautiful as this!!!! this is totally awesome!!I am sure that Shakespeare is like wondering why you we'rent born in his time so you could help the brotha out..... Wicked and by all means keep it up and looking foward for some new and inspiring material!!!!!!!! you're the s*****!!!!! geniewolf:demon: [COLOR=blue]dude!!![/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarmaOfChaos Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 [color=deeppink] Dreams: Lovely. Do you stay in your dreams, or do you transcend them? Do you continue to dream and lay forgotten, or wake and risk still staying unknown? Intresting. The way the poem is written is definitely your own style, and could use some tweaking, but is still very well written. Good job. (?): A pretty common theme here. Someone you love and look up to leaving you. Still, very nice. I liked Dreams better though. ^-~ -Karma [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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