Writing Murder Strikes back!

[Vicky]

[CENTER][SIZE=2][B]Murder Strikes Back.[/CENTER][/SIZE][/B]


[I][B]Chapter One:[/B]
The killers mind.


Slowly, he crept up the stairs, not aware of what lay ahead. He clenched his handgun with both hands, and breathed very quietly. Yes, he was a murderer. He decided that this would be the last, and he would just lay low after this. He began, when he pushed a boy onto a train track, on purpose. He loved to see his family cry over it, and then it began. His name was changed from Daniel Kingjus, to Dandan Kill?ist. It was a strange nickname, but this didn?t bother him. People were after him for 5 years now, but he is never caught. He took out a second handgun, and ran it through his spiky black hair. His long brown coat dangled down on the floor. He rubbed his chin, which need a little shave, but he had no time to waste. He crept up the stairs, and then slid through a door. He found himself in a room with four blue walls, a small child?s bed, and a small boy lay fast asleep. Daniel crept up, and stared down. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a long cube. He screwed it onto one of his guns, and smiled. He carefully placed a white pillow over the boys head, and pushed down with his gun. There was a little ?Plunk? sound, and blood dripped onto the red carpet. The boys arm feel, and he stopped breathing. Daniel smiled, and walked out closing the door quietly. He picked his other gun out of his pocket, and looked up. Another man, in a dressing gown stood shocked. Daniel?s eyes widened.
?CALL THE POLICE!!!? Shouted the man. Daniel looked around. He took no chances. He aimed the gun at the man, and shot him in the head. The mans gown was full of blood, as he lay dead on the floor. Daniel heard screams and cries. He then saw a woman with long blonde hair and another gown on. Daniel aimed his gun at her, and killed her too. He couldn?t leave them alive, no matter what. Sirens screeched down his ear, as he made a break for it. He ran back down the stairs, and through the broken door. Hundreds of police cars followed him, as he ran faster and faster. He couldn?t keep going. His heart pounding faster and faster, his mind racing, but he stopped. Something dropped on his legs, as he fell face down on the ground. He saw police around him. They dragged him up, and hand cuffed him.
?We finally caught you!? Said the police sergeant. He was wearing the black and white police uniform, and smiling happily.
?Go?a hell?? Growled Daniel as he was dragged into the police car. He mumbled. He was finally caught?had his spree ended? No, not yet.[/I]

[SIZE=1] This is just the first chapter (a bit of it any way). But I guess no one will read it...may as well try.[/SIZE]

[Jagan]

It's okay for the first part, but it needs to be longer and a little more detail please?

Other 'an that, it's pretty good.

[Vicky]

[SIZE=1][I] You honestly think that's all of the first chapter? That's a little bit of the first chapter. Duh, I'd never write a chapter that short.[/SIZE][/I]

[Kanariya]

It needs some more detail. Mostly what Jagen said is what I'm saying. Other then that it's okay.

[Vicky]

[SIZE=1][I]When I do put detail, it becomes long and no one reads them. I have the first three chapters of a story I wrote on here, it has detail but guess what? No one has even bothered to read it. Thnaks for atleast commenting, I spent hours each night on my otehr one (Annihilation) and no one reads it...

This is the link to Annihilation, it's very long, and I'm no where near finished with it:

[url]http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=32088[/url]

God...I love to write long stories..I'll be finished with it in about...a year...it's no where near finished...[/SIZE][/I]