ZF SSA Goten Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 1. Shop for bargains in the clearance tent. 2. Show off your church duds on Sunday afternoons. 3. People-watch. Trailer-trash-people-watch. 4. Study the cheap clothes in the Skinny Chick section and then buy yourself some cheap fabric so you can make skin-tight velour stuff for your own fat self. 5. Show off your Camaro in the parking lot. Drive it around and around. Crank on the Def Leppard, dude! 6. Go to McDonald's and stare at the giant statue of Ronald McDonald while you eat your grease. 7. Can't afford the McDonald's today? Then go fill up on free samples of poundcake. 8. Take your kids to the electronics department so they can watch Disney movies you'll never buy for them. 9. Take your kids to the "toy department." (Everyone knows it's not really a toy department at all. It's a public park.) 10. Pick up some Taiwanese supplies for making kuntry krafts. 11. Steal stuff. 12. Follow people around if you think they're trying to steal stuff. Makes 'em nervous. 13. Go turn on the boom boxes REAL REAL LOUD. Aren't you cool? 14. Have a family reunion right there in the aisle. Especially if it's the aisle I'm trying to get through. I don't mind. Really! 15. Get your hair cut by Dodi. She cut mine and it looks good! I'm not kidding! 16. Get some cheap glasses. Bad-mouth Lenscrafters in a quiet voice with the Glasses Technician Person. 17. Keep on talking more and more loudly to the women at the fabric-cutting table, until you lose your voice. Then they'll understand that you want two yards of the Precious Moments flannelette, not thirteen yards of the hunter green leatherette. 18. Run your hand up and down the shaft of a big shotgun, over and over again. Make you feel good about yourself? Then put it on layaway! 19.Buy some half-dead plants. 20.Buy some three-quarters-dead fish. 21.Buy some plastic shoes. 22.Buy some plastic cheese. 23.Buy a dead deer head with plastic eyes. 24.Meet some skank in the parking lot and tear out her hair for messing with your man. 25.Stand at the doorway and spit. Whistle at the fighting skanks and don't mind the flies going in and out of the automatic door that keeps opening coz your fat butt's parked in front of it. 26. Shoot somebody. What the hell? It's Saturday night! (ok. i'm going to stop #ing them now. i typed them all but put image numbers so when i copied and pasted it, the images don't copy. so figure out when the stop on your own.) Go mess with the jukebox thingie at the front where they have all the bargain compilation cds. You press the button for "Boot-Scootin' Best of Country & Western" and walk away. Then I'll press the button for "Awesome New Wave Hits of the 80's" and walk away. Repeat as necessary. You take the big kids and I'll take the little kids and I'll meet you down by the trout bait. Drive one of those shopping carts with the attached bench for extra kids, and pretend it's an eighteen-wheeler. Or, better yet, drive one of those motorized wheelchair shopping carts and pretend you're back in World War II. Get you some Sam's Choice cookies. Wash it down with some Sam's Choice soda. Put your kids on that little tw-five-cent airplane ride (next to the bubblegum machines) that plays the first half of "Highway to the Danger Zone" over and over again. Keep checking the Sam's Choice soda machine coin return slot for quarters so you can play Street Fighter while your mom buys you underwear. Complain to the manager that the people greeter didn't greet you. Go play bingo in the snackbar on "Senior's [sic] Day" and try to win yourself a Sony Playstation. Flirt with the sackers. That's what they're there for! Whirl, whirl. Twist and twirl. Jump all around like a flying squirrel. Go to the built-in travel agency and plan the trip to Vegas that's gonna make you a millionaire. Buy your five-year-old daughter a tiny black and red, sleeveless, mini-skirted, Lycra outfit. Smell the perfume samples. Check out the Christmas decorations, which are on sale four months of the year. Don't forget the ice! Purchase an Icee cup from the cashier, and then proceed to let your kids make a big mess all over the Icee machine and the floor. Check out the cubic zirconias. Ask the cashier for change for a dollar so you can give your kids some quarters so they can put them in the huge gumball machine and watch the gumballs go through the gumball rollercoaster and then shove them into their mouths and then finally STOP CRYING. While you're getting your hair cut, why not get some highlights, too? Or why not get a perm, and then shop with the rollers in your hair, subjecting everyone in the store to the smell of the fumes until time's up? Go on a day when they have clowns. Leave your kids with the clowns while you go have a good time. Get your tires rotated. Put some things on layaway that you can pawn later when you really need the money. Return the outfit you purchased to wear to Pat's Boot Scootin' Water Hole the other night. You didn't get lucky, so the outfit didn't work, so you deserve a refund. Buy your kids some Christian coloring books. Buy yourself some beer. Talk to the lobsters and tap on the glass. Repeat above with crawfish. Ask the manager why they don't have menorahs or Buddhist coloring books. Then email me and tell me what the manager said. I'm curious to know. Fall on the floor and sue. Walk around with all your friends, wearing really big pants. You're so cool! Walk on the treadmills they have on display. Stand in line with your grocery cart for a long, long time. Spit. Buy someone you love a simulated-birthstone ring. Ask one of the worker bees to come over with the ladder to get down a pinata for you. (That's pinata with an ~.) Wait til he gets one and then say, "Oh, I changed my mind... I don't want the orange clown. I want the blue mouse instead." Keep doing that til it gets old. Chat with the deli workers about the good old days. Report the deli workers to the manager for being such slow bastards. Buy in bulk and save. Apply for a job. They start at seven dollars an hour! At least, that's what Dawn told me. Argue with your spouse. Puncuate your arguments with abrasively witty comebacks, like those spouted by Dan and Roseanne Conner, for the amusement of the other shoppers. Get a few gourmet coffee beans out of the machine thingie, just so you can walk around sniffing them. Let your kids take turns sniffing the votive candles until the baby takes a bite out of one. Block the magazine rack while studying each photo in Details. Just ignore any women trying to get around your huge pants in order to reach Crochet Universe. Tell the cashier that you KNOW you saw the sign that said "Hamburger Helper - 59 cents - Today Only!" and then make everyone behind you in line wait while the sacker goes to check, even though they all know you're lying. Attend an impromptu seminar from the cashier explaining what exactly constitutes foods paid for by WIC. Learn that, no, Kool-Aid is not juice. Cheez-Its are not cheese. Frankenberry is not nutritious, grain-filled cereal. Make jokes about Kathy Lee and sweatshops. Buy camo outfits for all the men and boys in the family. Test reels and fishing lures on the clothing and coifs of passersby. Check out the pile of $1/yard fabric. Sometimes there's good stuff in there. I'm not kidding. Buy your kids toys, outfits, bedding ensembles, and camping gear emblazoned with the latest animated movie characters. Check out the latest Walmart exclusive edition of Barbie. Hold on to the clothing racks so no one will notice you're drunk and/or high. Return something you bought three years ago and get store credit. Use a "Raisin Rage" lipliner to draw mustaches on the pictures of Cindy Crawford plastered all over the Revlon display. Visit the restroom. Take along your galoshes. Add up your bill in your head while the baby bangs on the calculator attached to the shopping cart's handle. Check out the burr on that guy. It's shaved everywhere except the back, where it's long. It's like a combination burr/mullet. Weird. Gape at the woman in the sari like you never saw a non-white person before. Walk in with your mohawk and walk around all rebellious and so-anti-establishment-you're-establishment and all. Scream, "Garth Brooks SUCKS!" and then be prepared to run. Leave on your cowboy hat indoors like the cretin you are. Drive around the parking lot three or four times with white junk painted all over your windshield to let people know that your high school won some kind of game last night. Stand around with your friends and complain about how Walmart is evil and is running the Mom & Pop stores out of business. Then pay for all your stuff and go home. Walk through the door in your bike shorts and tank top with pink makeup all over your face, as if that's gonna catch you a guy who'll support you and your habits and your four kids. Stand there looking at everybody and thinking up snarky comments in your head, as if you're anything better than a fat housewife in Payless shoes who runs a petty website. Don't forget your coupons! Do random good acts of kindness or whatever. Say hi to Willie Nelson if you see him there. And last but not least - say hi to me. Coz I'm always at Walmart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZF SSA Goten Posted October 7, 2001 Author Share Posted October 7, 2001 READ THIS! READ IT!! REPLY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathKnight Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 one time i was at a wal mart and all the workers were in a rush... i asked them whats up, they said someones kid was missing... i asked them if i could help, they said yea hes in a scooby doo shirt and hes suppose to be in the games section.... so i went to the game section and he was standing there... i was like... gd...who hires these ppl? and where did they get there common sense? so i saved the kid... didnt get a thank you or anything left the store *shrug* lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZF SSA Goten Posted October 7, 2001 Author Share Posted October 7, 2001 damn those Walmart trolls, DAMN THEM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Mystical Pan~ Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 walmart trolls? WHERE? lol I got to admit..the stuff you've been posting is FUNNY! :D lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 Hey some of those are really useful! LoL JK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSJ5 Vegeta Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 I have some things to do at WAL-MART: [B]1[/B] Run full speed at the automatic slide open doors. If you smash into them go complain to the manager that his sensors aren't calibrated correctly and he needs to up the speed on the opening of the doors. Tell him that someone could get seriously injured. [B]2[/B] Bring checkered flags, green flags, and yellow flags, and some friends. Get some shopping carts then act like you're having a NASCAR race around the parking lot. [B]3[/B] Go post a home-made sign in the womens department that says: "USED CONDOMS 50% OFF!" [B]4[/B] Walk around the store then randomly stop in front of people and yell: "STOP TALKING TO ME! SHUTUP!" smack your head several times, or fall on the ground and start kicking and screaming. [B]5[/B] Go to the hunting section and put some of their camo on then go hide in a clothes rack. When store security asks what the hell you're doing say: "ONE BY ONE THE PENGUINS STEAL MY SANITY" then look about suspiciously. :smirk: [B]6[/B] Go into the snacks department then open up a box of twinkies and dump them on the floor and stomp on them. (It's funny cuz' cream filling shoots everywhere.) All the while get in a hick voice and go "TWINKIES ARE THE DEVIL!" :devil: Or for good measure add on: "TWINKIES MADE MAMA' FAT!" [B]7[/B] Act like a DBZ character and go to the frozen foods section grab a frozen pizza and yell Destructo Disk-Ha then chuck it at your friend. [B]8[/B] Get a water gun then go set up a barrier made of cereal boxes in the cereal aisle and hide behind it and pop up and shoot, and when people ask you what you're doing say: "I'M GUARDING YOU FROM THE ALIENS... ALIENS!" [B]9[/B] Act like a doctor and throw your friend in a shopping cart. Rush them to the car department and try to restart their heart with battery cables. [B]10[/B] (This is for guys) Go the womens department put on underwear and a Bra and run around the store. (This one really get's the looks.) [B]11[/B] Stand right in the middle of your aisle head ducked down as if you're asleep then when somebody walks up to you pop up suddenly and scream at them then run off screaming. [B]12[/B] Go to the McDonalds and hump the Ronald statue. [B]13[/B] Go to the tree nursery then go behind one of the trees and take a leak. [B]14[/B] Get a large fish net and net random people. [B]15[/B] Stand by a gumball machine and like it has just eaten your quarter. Scream and shout random curses at it, punch or kick it. [B]16[/B] Drive a shopping cart around and wreck it into things and scream random cursewords like : "****!" [B]17[/B] Stand where a bunch of people are talking and yell: "EVERYBODY SHUTUP!" [B]18[/B] Go to the music department stand by the stereo systems they have with some friends then suddenly begin a mosh pit. [B]19[/B] Go sit in front of the T.V.s that play movies with some popcorn or other food item. Boo and toss food at the T.V. screen whenever the villain appears. Act like you're really getting into it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Gohan Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 O_O that's alot of things to do at walmart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tec-9 Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 ok, i dunno if this was added, but here's wat i did once: Go up to a security gaurd and say "Code Blue in Aisle 3!" in a frantic voice.. then see what happends! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amibasuki Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 ROTFLMAO:laugh: :laugh: for if you wanna find another way to get weird looks: while in a large checkout line, argue in loud voices over whose finger is the most crooked. believe me, it works:cross: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 Of course you know cuz you probably did that........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Macaiodh Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by SSJ5 Vegeta [/i] [B]I have some things to do at WAL-MART: [B]7[/B] Act like a DBZ character and go to the frozen foods section grab a frozen pizza and yell Destructo Disk-Ha then chuck it at your friend. [/B][/QUOTE] :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: oh, god, that's great!!! wal-mart rules b/c once when i was homeless i lived in there for like a month. i got the idea from a natalie portman movie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amibasuki Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Forte [/i] [B]Of course you know cuz you probably did that........ [/B][/QUOTE] smart cookies:p yup, me 'n my sis Anna were bored one time, so we decided to start something to make things a little more interesting/annoying/disturbing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathKnight Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 homeless.... lol.... living in wal mart.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Macaiodh Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 it's not funny, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Shears Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Hide in the women's dress's rack, and when the people check out a dress, whisper, "Pick Me!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostProphet Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Fill a shopping cart full of random crap, ask someone to watch it, and leave..just did it tonight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panda Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 This thread is going to cause poor post quality that I doubt will improve. It already is filled with one line posts, poor grammar/capitalization/punctuation, too many emoticons in a row and a double post. Please review the rules for the site and be sure to put effort into your responses. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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