wiccansamurai Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 Deep voice but shallow lips. Skeleotons buried in closets of mist. A heart of fool's gold Shining with gray light. Fists pounding With surrendering fight Every time I fell apart I turned to find no one And I was left With no where to run Quietly I scream And stilly I shake Waiting for someone to hear The sound I dare not make Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maikiratori Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 I envy you for your talent in rhyme. I never could master it. I did notice that the rhyme scheme changed a little near the end...Intentional or not...It worked out well, I like it... A twist on the poem..Good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiccansamurai Posted October 29, 2003 Author Share Posted October 29, 2003 Yeah, the poem was forgotten ing my closet for a while, and then i couldnt regain the voice i had when originally writing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kieko Posted October 29, 2003 Share Posted October 29, 2003 Even so, it's really good. I like the way it rhyms and captures the reader. I especially like the last stanza using opposites like still and shake, very nice. And I'm sure that you can regain the voice you had ^_^! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiccansamurai Posted October 30, 2003 Author Share Posted October 30, 2003 EMPTY I'm so confused You left me empty I'm so tired I want to sleep forever I'm so angry I'm screaming alone I'm nothing but a shell of bone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiccansamurai Posted November 1, 2003 Author Share Posted November 1, 2003 HOLLOW HEART I put myself together using glue and tape Thinking I was whole When really out of shape Thinking I could walk away without falling apart but I broke into pieces to find A hollow heart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiccansamurai Posted November 1, 2003 Author Share Posted November 1, 2003 SAVE ME Save me I know that you can All that you need to do Is take a hold of my hand I know I'm not her I know I'm not anyone Just see me and what's been done I can't go on like this I know you can heal Get me out of here help me to feel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now