Writing Arasoi's Poetry

[Arasoi]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue]Thanks for your comment, Mimmi! I've been waiting for someone to respond to my poetry so that I could put up this next one. It's my first attempt at a non-rhyming poem, and I honestly don't think it came out all that great. It's short, too, but I'd like some feedback on it anyway...since I do tend to judge myself [color=darkslateblue]rather harshly.[/color][/color][/size][/font]

[b][u][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue]Prison Sanctuary[/color][/size][/font][/u][/b]

[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Every day the one before it[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Safety in solitude [/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]That leaves no hope for something more.[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]What is the life outside the circle?[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]

[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Painful, wasted happiness[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Tainting all thoughts[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]So eager to move forward[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Yet terrified of change.[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]

[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Exhausted yet unable to sleep[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Staring blankly into darkness[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]So full of nothing[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Feeling so empty.[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]

[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Awakening to dreary light[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]The new day begins,[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Same as the one before it[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Forever repeating.[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]

[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]The prison sanctuary[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]An illusionary haven[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][color=darkslateblue][font=Verdana][size=2][i]Providing all that is needed[/i][/size][/font][/color][/font]
[font=Perpetua][font=Verdana][size=2][color=darkslateblue][i]Lacking all that is wanted.[/i][/color][/size][/font][/font]

[Mimmsicle]

[size=1][color=#800000]The title is very fitting, how the place of safety in some cases is an emprisonment - keeping you away from life.[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=#800000]And when one has been cradled into serenity by this realm, one starts to look at what what was left or is yet to be explored.... but until the courage has been gathered to leave the monotonous and restraining enviroment, one is stuck in this Prison Sanctuary.[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=#800000]Very good poem, the "lack of rhyming" was unnoticable. It flowed nicely and created soft imagery.[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=#800000]- Mimmi ^_^[/color][/size]

[Arasoi]

[size=2][font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue]Thanks again, Mimmi! So...last night, I was really upset, stressed out, and depressed, so I ended up writing this poem. I'm not sure how well it turned out...but then again, I always doubt myself.[/color][/font][/size]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=#483d8b][b][u]Broken[/u][/b][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][size=2][i]Time moves so fast, but feels so slow[/i][/size][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][size=2][i]Dragged down by darkness[/i] [i]from below[/i][/size][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Needing love to dry my tears[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]A gentle wave to wash my fears[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Sitting and waiting here lost and alone[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Wishing for some place that I could call home[/size][/i][/color][/font]

[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]I?m falling away from all that I knew[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Remembering everything that I?ve been through[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Trying so hard to be strong and survive[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Beginning to wonder if I can revive[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Hope for the future just isn?t enough[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]The problems I?m facing are simply too tough[/size][/i][/color][/font]

[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Not knowing if I can hold on for that long[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Lacking that something to help me be strong[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Underneath my surface the shadows do lie[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Depression is rule that I cannot defy[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Though still on the outside the world I deceive[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]For what hope do I have if I cannot believe?[/size][/i][/color][/font]

[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Trying hard to find the truth[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Through tricks of shadows so uncouth[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Hiding wounds that cannot heal[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]From both the false and those still real[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[i][font=Verdana][size=2][color=#483d8b]Is there light beneath my skin?[/color][/size][/font][/i]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Or does only dark reside within?[/size][/i][/color][/font]

[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Reliving times from years long past[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]My hope is fading ever fast[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[i][font=Verdana][size=2][color=#483d8b]The strength inside begins to fade[/color][/size][/font][/i]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Spirits tainted and dismayed[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]To darkness I am now a pawn[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Now that the distant light is gone[/size][/i][/color][/font]

[i][font=Verdana][size=2][color=#483d8b]I've been drained of energy[/color][/size][/font][/i]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]And future hope I cannot see[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Giving in to shadow?s bane[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Surrendering to all the pain[/size][/i][/color][/font]
[i][font=Verdana][size=2][color=#483d8b]I shed at last my final tear[/color][/size][/font][/i]
[font=Verdana][color=darkslateblue][i][size=2]Then fade away and disappear[/size][/i][/color][/font]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink]
Hey Arasoi, so sorry I didn't respond sooner than this. Damn my internet and its death...;-; Anyway, my reviews. Here it goes!

Children of the Glass:

Excellent flow here, you pull the rhymes out of midair and let them flow out of you like ink through a pen. The idea of not knowing until its too late, watching from the other side as they self-destruct while you can't do anything because for whatever reason you are incapicitated (the glass wall). Maybe they won't listen to you, maybe you don't know how to say it.

Great poem.

Prison Sanctuary:

This one I could really relate to on a new level once I read it again. Stuck in a safe haven, wanting to leave but afraid to do so for fear of what's outside. The last line is wonderful, having all you needed, but nothing you wanted. Is that not so often the case? We have just enough to live, but the one thing that makes life worth living is always just out of reach.

Good stuff. Friend's gonna kill me if I don't get off her computer, so I'll finish this LATER. Love you!

-Karma
[/color]

[Arasoi]

[color=darkslateblue]Alright...for what I believe to be the third time now, I'm resurrecting my poetry thread. I'm trying to actually start posting more on this site again, though I've been extremely busy.[/color]
[color=#483d8b][/color]
[color=#483d8b]I was searching through my poetry folder and found this poem I wrote a while ago. I just thought it would be nice to post up, so that I can get comments on it. I thought it was unique, since I wrote it with every other line in each verse rhyming. I edited it where I thought it was necessary. I'm going to write an entirely new poem later, but I'm not really in the mood to at the moment.[/color]
[color=#483d8b][/color]
[b][u][color=#483d8b]Shadow[/color][/u][/b]
[b][u][color=#483d8b][/color][/u][/b]
[i][color=#483d8b]These endless nights grow ever colder[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]I just don't understand these lies[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]My suffering is the beholder[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Of my screaming, painful cries[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b][/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]The blood within my veins runs slow[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Until it freezes from lament[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]It's so hard to deal with all the woe[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]And unceasing, dark torment[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b][/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Poison pulsing through my soul[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Eternal knawing in my heart[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]I've relinquished all control[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Helpless as I'm torn apart[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b][/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Every piece of me is broken[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Lacking strength to make it end[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Losing many words unspoken[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]That I could not comprehend[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b][/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]The venom surges deeper still[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Feeding off all of the untruth[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Destroying all remaining will[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Making hope seem so uncouth[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b][/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]My tears flow, never ceasing[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]And they leave me blind to all[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]With my sanity decreasing[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Nothing stops me as I fall[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b][/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Last of all the final light[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]That dream I held most dear[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]The hope that shone most bright[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Starts to fade and disappear[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b][/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]Soon the final glow goes out[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]And with no wish to remain[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]With nothing left for me to doubt[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b]I choose to end eternal pain[/color][/i]
[i][color=#483d8b][/color][/i]
[color=darkslateblue]I'm not sure how much I like it, but then again, I did write it a long time ago. Leave a comment if you wish, and I'll post up a new poem later.[/color]

[MissWem]

[COLOR=DarkRed]You can tell that this is probably not as developed (in terms of idea) as some of your more recent poetry. It definitely seems very cynical, when you constantly talk about 'lies' and how destructive they are. I quite like this poem, although you do have much better ones than this.

Simplistic with some really good metaphors like "Eternal gnawing on my heart" Excellent line.

However, maybe it's just me. But reading this is really unnerving for me..*shrugs*[/COLOR]