destro53 Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 After writing Existence, I suppose it was inevitable I would write a crappy poem. Here it is. Time Passes Time Passed Once, as a small boy awoke. He said to himself, I?m tired of being along, So he made friends, And he was happy. Time passed. Once, after breakfast, A young boy decided, These people arent like me, So he lost all his friends, But he missed them terribly. Time passed. Once, in the middle of the morning, A boy made a decision, Why regret the past? So he never regretted himself, But he never liked it. Time passed. Once, at noon A young teen said, I don?t need anyone, So he stopped to care, Except when he cried himself to sleep. Time passed Once, in the afternoon, A teenage boy said, Theres no need to feel So he never felt again, Except for the hate. Time passed. Once, at night, A young man said, Do one must like me, So he stopped trying to make friends. But he didn?t like himself now. Time passed. Once, late in the night, A lost soul said, I have no need for life, So he took his own, And no one really cared. ------- Well, I'll probably edit it a dozen times. I like the idea, but my writing could use work. I kinda forced this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyo no Ryu Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Believe it or not. I love it. But time passed is a bad title. try, Cry. That would work. There goes edit 1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 [color=teal][font=times new roman][b]Hmm, it looked more like a short story to me. But all around, good topics to discuss. Loneliness and confusion, pain and hope, these always make a good poem because they contridict one another and you get so many ideas to write. [/color][/font][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArunueShekamari Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 yes...but you see...someone may read this and see a resemblence to it and their own life...its a good poem...and i think i would like it more if i couldnt compare it to myself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyo no Ryu Posted November 1, 2003 Share Posted November 1, 2003 After looking it over again I realized the first stanza doesnt fit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
destro53 Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 OK, I rewrote it. It's pretty good now. Time Passed Once, as a small boy awoke. He said to himself, I?m tired of being alone, So he made friends, And he learned what happy was. Time passed. Once, as he got out of bed, A young boy decided, These people arent like me, So he lost all his friends, But he missed them terribly. Time passed. Once, in the middle of the morning, A boy made a decision, Why regret the past? So he never regretted himself, But he never liked it. Time passed. Once, late that morning A young teen said, I don?t need anyone, So he stopped caring, Except when he cried himself to sleep. Time passed. Once, at noon, A teenage boy said, I have no need for tears, So he never cried again, And soon he forgot how. Time passed Once, in the afternoon, A young man said, Theres no need to feel So he never felt again, Except for the hate and anguish. Time passed. Once, at night, A boy too old to be a child but too young to be adult, Said no one must like me, So he stopped trying to make friends. But he didn?t like himself now. Time passed. Once, in the dead of the night, A boy who had stopped counting years said, The pain won?t go away, So he drew three lines down each arm, With a rusty razor. Time passed. Once, in the last hours of a fading day, A lost soul said, I have no need for life, So he took his own, And no one really cared. And time passed anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArunueShekamari Posted November 11, 2003 Share Posted November 11, 2003 Yes its much better...but like i said before...im caught in the 6th stage of that poem...and ive gone through the rest before it...i gusse i can use it as a scale^_^I gusse ive got 3 more to go... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharmedImmortal Posted November 11, 2003 Share Posted November 11, 2003 That poem is not that bad. I think it's great. How the boy felt lonely and sad being alone. It's more like a story about the boy. That poem was kinda sad, but hey! It's great! Make more, okay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mouse Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Wow that was really good for your worst poem ever i really liked it it really touched me i geuss that would make ur good poems super ausome can u do me a favor i need a really short poem sumtin really deep and depressing but short if u can pm it to me plz Thank You Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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