Writing Poem by pbfrontmanvdp....comments???

[pbfrontmanvdp]

[SIZE=3][I]When will it end[/I] [/SIZE]

Today is just another ordinary day
When will this pain finally go away?
Isnt it just hypocritical
Possibly even cynical

Im talking about our society
How frightened I am by everyone's dishonesty
Truces are made and then they are broken
Is this just God flipping a random token?

Is our fate sadly based on chance?
What I see on the news that i dare not glance
The bloodshed and torment I cant bare the misery
Why do we always have to repeat history?

Its a disgrace how society handles these situations
How many more lives must be taken?
Until we realize this is not why we were created
To be full of possession and of hatred

Im not only saying this for my sake
For if I have children is this their fate?
Will they have to suffer this constant battle?
To achieve peace which shouldn't be a hassle

I don't want to keep this in the back of my mind
Knowing there is no hope for mankind
For with these eyes to have seen such sin
Only hoping my string comes to an early end

~Tuminaro~

[AzureWolf]

Whoa, this one got no replies? It's short, and has a great flow. Wonder what was the turn-off...

Anyway, you've done an excellent job conveying the point of the poem, as well as retaining a complete, central focus. What's more, you did it all while rhyming, which is no small feat. It doesn't even seem like the rhyming scheme inhibited the poem. That is, while the rhyming helps with the "flow" of the poem, it certainly did not compromise any other part, such as the wording and focus.

Wonderful work. Highly recommended to all. Plus, something about today's world (right?).

[pbfrontmanvdp]

Yep thanks i was kinda depressed about something that day, actually i think thats the first time ive ever been depresssed. Anyway though thanks and ill probably write another one soon once i get the chance too.