Writing OtakuBoards: Enter the Net [PG]

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Hey Hugo any chance you might have a new Chapter for us anytime soon, it's been running on six months and we haven't seen a thing, if I remember correctly you said you'd have something new for us before now. Still a great story even if it's been a few months since I read it, I'm also waiting for another cameo or maybe a bigger role if you're up to it ;). [/SIZE]

[Dragon Warrior]

Solo, I finally read it and am replying :<

I'm a year late or so, but I read it all and enjoyed. I do indeed love how you mixed computer stuff in with real life. The concept of living in a vitual world is sexy too! Sexy as in cool! But I especially love how you interpretted new members and the hacker. It's even sexier than the story concept! That's where I got most of the laughs. How they would be all in 1337 language and everything.

But there's so much to comment on that I can't remember it all ;_; Once you make new chapter, I give full review on that >:^O

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink][size=1]Oh man, I had completely forgotten about this! I went back and read it the whole through, and I think I nearly died laughing about five times (this does not include times I started choking because I started laughing while drinking soda). Anyway, you really should continue this. You have such a talent for humor.

Love ya Solos.

-Karma

PS: That plushie bit was great. Albeit slightly confusing. @_@ * is reminded of the riddle of the two doors in the Labyrinth *[/size][/color]

[Solo Tremaine]

[color=#503f86]Well, it's been a very long time since I last completed a chapter. And now that I haveit wasn't the one I intended on putting up here first ^_^; Still, it's here and the longest chapter to date: 17 pages long.

Primarily it only features two OB members, and that's for a very good reason. This chapter was written as a birthday present to Lady Katana, but since I got the date of her birthday wrong and spent so long typing this bloody thing up, it missed by about three months ^_^;

Either way, the whole thing's dedicated to her ^__^

And here's the first part of it.

[color=#503f86][b]Enter the Net Exclusive: From Here to Katana-ty [Part 1][/b]

It was another vaguely abnormal day in OtakuBoards v7. Mods were modding, members were membering (since their dismembering privileges had been limited due to the removal of the Battle Arena and restriction of heated discussions within the Otaku Lounge), and everything was right with the world. Except AzureWolf, who hated v7.

The site had undergone considerable changes after H4XX0R?s unprecedented destruction of the Boards- the Series Forums were nowhere to be seen, the various gaming forums had all been forced into one huge gaming plaza and the Anime Forums had been confined to the Archives (with exception to the Yu-Yu-Hakusho forum, which Shy forbade anyone to speak of ever again).

In their place was a rather pretty Manga Workshop, headed by the Team Miyazaki member Lady Katana. Since she was the only Moderator of her forum, she enjoyed sitting amongst a library of mangas and reading them from cover to cover (or indeed, other cover to other cover, as mangas were that way inclined), making sure that pointless discussions were dealt with swiftly so she could get back to King of Bandits: Jing.

This particular normally abnormal day seemed almost abnormally abnormal, in such a way that was abnormal to the normal. Which was, of course, abnormal.

Dismissing the feeling of abnormal abnormality as being down to a stale cookie file she?d eaten earlier, Kei went back to scouring the Internet for Mangaka Corner info. Whilst she searched, the door to the forum swung open, and in strode a mysterious figure- tall, but oddly-shaped as if hiding something underneath his coat.

She looked up in surprise- the forum wasn?t exactly a hub of activity, but it wasn?t often that people burst through doors in such a way.

"Are you Lady Katana?" the figure asked from under his large Vampire Hunter: D-esque hat.

Kei raised an eyebrow. "That?s what the avatar says. Can I help you?"

"Yes." The figure?s voice lowered, as if it were break into an evil laugh. "Yes, you can?"

Outside the Manga Workshop, passing by with a handful of various n00b-thwacking devices, Solo Tremaine heard a powerfully sinister laugh- as he approached the room a tall, dark man in a large hat ran outside, looking very annoyed.

Solo poked his wolfy head around the door. "Everything okay?"

Kei?s expression was one of exasperation: her eyes had been reduced to dark slits and a large amount of blue shading had swept down her forehead.

"I hate when people ask me to join their forums like that."

* * *

Some while later, Lady Katana was clearing up her mountain of manga, ready to start drawing some comics of her own when she noticed something on the floor. It was small, round, and glowing.

Her curiosity piqued, she moved closer.

It was a small button with the words ?Click for Diversion? flashing repeatedly on its surface.

She shrugged. What harm could it do?

[i]Click.[/i]

[/color][color=#503f86][i][i]CRASH![/i]

[i][b]" 1 R T3H l3333333337!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!"[/b][/i]

[/i]The huge troll careened blindly through the forum wall, knocking over the leviathan bookcases that held the precious manga to their shelves. Incensed (and managing to do a perfect impression of all four Exterminatus Now characters at once), she raised her ModRod.

"Get out of my forum!"

Several members had been alerted by the huge noise. Several others had been squished by the huge creature.

It was disgusting. Its face was a poorly-animated 8-Bit version of an anime character, with the body akin to that of a cave troll from Lord of the Rings. It swung a huge spam-hammer in its hand and tucked into its (rather less than ample) loincloth were thousands of porn pictures, ready to be plastered over the walls.

She sent a frantic PM to James, who appeared almost instantaneously at the forum?s door along with the rest of the Team Leaders.

While Kei stepped back from the carnage being caused and began rearranging the manga archives, a sinister-looking pop-up window appeared behind her. A long, dark sinister hand reached out, and?

[i][b]"NOOOO! T3H l33337N35555555 15 GOOOON!111!!!"[/b][/i]

The troll?s dying words rumbled throughout the forums, sending annoying chills down the spines of everyone who heard them.

Adam clicked his fingers and the walls were repaired, the manga rearranged and the coffee stains cleared up.
Once again, Solo poked his wolfy head around the door, looking for Kei. As the rest of the Moderators dispersed, he continued searching the extensive Manga Workshop for any signs.

"Strange. No scribbling of pencils? not even any silence of concentration" He whispered idly to himself. "Not that silence is easily heard, but there?s something about that [i]kind[/i] of silence that- ow."

Solo picked himself up off the floor and looked back at what he?d tripped up on. It was a small pop-up banner that flashed a tirade of eye-burning colours every second. He felt dizzy just looking at it.

"Urgh, what?s that?"

* * *

"n00."

"n00."

Kei rolled onto her side, gripping the blankets around her. "I don?t want to get up yet?" she grumbled quietly. Whose alarm was that, anyway?

"n00."

Kei sprang up, leaping to her feet with amazing dexterity- had the low ceiling not been in the way it would have made for a perfect dramatic ascent. She collapsed back down to the makeshift bed, growling in irritation. She chanced a quick look around.

Opening one eye was a mistake- the other shot open, and both were almost as wide as frying pans by the time she?d realised where she wasn?t.

It was a huge marble room with walls that crept gracefully up to an arched ceiling, from which hung brilliantly-decorated chandeliers and hanging baskets. On the walls were portraits of anime characters, each with extravagant golden frames (although some looked suspiciously like theOtaku?s greeting cards with the text scrubbed off). Two staircases stretched up the walls behind her from the side of the room to a door in the middle of a mezzanine floor, each with a section of red carpet lining their steps.

Opposite her, at the other end of the red carpet, stood two huge oaken double-doors.

[i]Where did OB go?"[/i] she croaked. Next to her bed was a short, fat Goku look-alike with a short piece of wood. He poked Kei with great interest.

"j00 n00!" it garbled in a rather coarse dialect of l33t.

Am ominous boom sounded from the end of the room. The Goku-thing scurried away through a small doorway, screeching horribly. The huge double doors at the end swung open and through them strode a handsome (if rather sinister-looking) anime character. His hair was long and dark blue, tied back in an over-indulgent ponytail; his costume was a deep black fantasy costume complete with purple-lined cloak. His boots made a satisfying ?clomp? with each handsome (but sinister) step. She recognised him instantly as Darcia from Wolf's Rain.

When he reached the foot of her sofa, he took a gracious bow.

"My Lady Katana is awake. We?ve been waiting for you."

* * *

"Careful with that- it?s a hyperlink image."

Adam inspected the object very carefully, being careful not to touch anything but the borders around it to make sure he didn?t accidentally click on the link and get spirited away to some far-off place. Or to make sure he just didn?t get Spirited Away. He already had it on DVD.

Solo looked concerned. "Do you think Kei clicked on it?"

James wore a grave expression on his face. Mini-James wore gravy on his face. "It looks like it. Have you checked Who?s Online?"

Shin nodded. "Twice. And we checked her MyO- we couldn?t find anything."

Everyone exchanged concerned looks. Nobody seemed to want to trade, though.

"Well, we have to get her back then." Solo said eventually, staring deeply into the banner?s swirling mass of vomit-inducing colours.

James nodded. "Of course. But we have to guarantee that we can get back once we use the hyperlink to travel to? wherever it is this sends you to. We could be lost forever."

A sly grin spread over jblessing?s face. He disappeared into a backroom for a few seconds, and emerged triumphant with a disc.

"Internet Explorer!" he chirruped. "Just type in the address and go. It?s my only copy though, so only one of you will be able to go through."

"Are you sure it?ll work?" a voice that chose to remain anonymous said quietly.

Justin shrugged. "Well, it might not be as good as Netscape, but it?s all we have at the moment. I just need to install it into your personal profile."

Des looked at the circle of faces standing around the banner. "Who?s going?"

A tense silence collapsed over the group. They looked at each other, then at themselves, and then at anyone they?d missed. It only took a few seconds before someone stepped forwards.

"I?ll go."

"Somehow I thought you might."

Justin placed the disc carefully into Solo?s control panel and installed it. A small toolbar appeared on his wrist-computer that doubled as IM screen and ModRod Dispenser. He readied himself to click on the hyperlink, giving a last confirmatory look to James.

"Good luck," the admirable Admin said, with great majesty.

Solo smiled and clicked the link. A strange, sucking sound filled the room- in a flash of light he?d disappeared, leaving only the Banner Ad where he stood.

* * *

Kei found herself on a lavishly-decorated open-top carriage, two muscular but graceful horses carrying her down an endless corridor filled with extravagant anime wallpapers, statues and what appeared to be forum members dressed in nineteenth century evening dress. Through hidden speakers in the wall, Fairy Fore?s ?VIVID? echoed along the corridors.

Her ?host? was sitting opposite her, drinking some liquid that she hoped wasn?t coffee (she?d have been inclined to murder him if it was- although if she hadn?t been treated so gracefully this far she?d have murdered him already for swiping her away from OtakuBoards).

Eventually, feeling rather awkward in a large flowing satin dress, she cleared her throat to gain his attention.

"Erm, where am I?"

Her ?host? looked puzzled. "Why, you?re at your Homepage. These are The AnimeBoards, home of all elite anime and manga fans, such as yourself."

Kei frowned. "I?d hardly call myself ?elite?. I like English dubs, for one thing."

The host laughed in an indiscernibly un-British way. "Lady Katana, what you watch doesn?t matter- we?ve had our eye on you for some time and we simply want you to be part of our flourishing community. We?re all very friendly here, and you can read and draw manga to your heart's-"

"But I could do that at OtakuBoards!" she said out loud, not quite meaning to. The ?host? looked slightly taken aback, then smiled, a flicker of frustration passing through his handsome (but sinister) eyebrows.

"It must be disorientating for you to be brought here on such short notice," he said unwaveringly, adjusting his eye-patch. "But at least let me show you around before you decide to stay. I?m sure you?ll like it here."

Kei was becoming less and less pleased with this. Her look of growing dissent was mirrored in the Lothar plushie sitting next to her. Not in the mood to wonder where it had come from but somewhat comforted by its presence anyway, she pressed her ?host? for questions. "Where exactly are we going, anyway? This corridor?s huge."

"Behind each of these wallpapers is a forum dedicated to their respective animes. Each one has dozens of topics, all bursting with discussion."

Their crimson and gold chariot ground to a halt outside a Rouroni Kenshin forum. The tuxedo-clad forum member twitched slightly as the ?host? approached.

"Good day sir how are you thanks for coming." It burbled in a monotone voice.

With a wave of the ?host?s hand the wallpaper swung away and inside Kei saw hundreds of people all chatting endlessly about Kenshin- the music, the animation, the subtle interaction between the characters? not a hint of thought about who?s hair colour made them more powerful or who?s sword made the best ?schwing? noise.

She stepped back, tapping her fingers on her dress. There was something very ?not right? about all this. She knew other forums were bigger then OtakuBoards, but none were free from the most fundamental of discussions about favourite characters. And why exactly did this forum want her so badly? Stepping back into the coach while the ?host? rambled on about the vast extent of his personal anime collection, she sighed and wished she was back in her Manga Workshop reading Ctrl+Alt+Del.

* * *

[i]THOOM![/i]

[i]Crashsplat.[/i]

"Ow."

Solo rubbed his battered posterior, observing the height from which he?d entered the forum. A large drainpipe hung from a dingy, spam-covered brick wall behind him, dripping bits of HTML. Getting out was going to be interesting.

He picked himself up, restored his avatar to Yugo?s beast form and looked around.

"This place is a tip," he muttered, somewhat reminded of the state of his own bedroom. Huge chunks of grey wall littered the apparent wasteland he?d been dumped in, looking a lot like the borders of an old forum. Sure enough, with a short amount of exploration he found two separate halves of the same concrete sign that together read: "Welcome to AnimeBoards!"

In the distance he could see a large gothic building planted on the centre of a colossal column of rock, looking distinctly unfriendly. Large, ugly, [i]thick[/i]-looking creatures plodded about the rock?s base, holding large wooden clubs.

The air stank of rotten spam. Solo could see manholes partially covered by bits of forum and folded taskbars, their links completely broken.

As he cautiously progressed towards the castle on the mountain, a slow, regular thudding noise from behind him was growing ominously louder. Whirling round, he came face-to-groin with a troll.

[i][i][b]"RRRAAAR! OMFG U FURRY FR34CK!!11!1!"[/b][/i][/i]

Solo?s eye twitched. Luckily, he came prepared for an event such as this.

Grabbing a sword from underneath his T-shirt, he leapt into the air and clobbered the troll around the head, slamming the flat of the blade into the side of its smelly, slimy, leathery head. Taking a few seconds for the pain to register with its brain, the troll made a sad, almost flatulent groaning noise, then toppled to the ground, green spam oozing from the side of its mouth.

Wiping the sword clean, Solo returned it to its holster. Upon turning round, he saw a crowd of dishevelled members.

"You offlined a troll!" they gasped in unison, half in awe and half in horror.

A sweatdrop appeared behind Solo?s head. "Was I wrong?"

The group slowly began advancing on him?

* * *

Kei had finally managed to prise her ?host? from her right arm and wandered off on her own to explore the forums she was, for the moment at least, having to call home.

The anime forums stretched for miles in any direction you cared to walk in, and all of them seemed suspiciously full of activity. Some of the posts were fairly garbled, but every so often she?d overhear one that made vague sense in a typical way that really detailed posts about an anime series that you?ve not looked into much can. The Lothar plushie on her shoulder listened for a few seconds, then went cross-eyed.

Fearing the same fate, Kei decided to make her way to the Naruto forums and see what she could find.

Some minutes later she came to the conclusion that she was going nowhere at a greatly accelerated rate, which in turn led her to try talking to one of the manservant-esque members standing outside the forum doors. He stood absolutely still, wearing his Roger Smith avatar with perfect precision.

Clearing her throat eloquently, she addressed the member in the most polite way she could muster.

"Hi, I?m looking for-"

"Hi Lady Katana, I?m Member Number 3161! I?m your new friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever! Click [u]here[/u] to see my privacy policy."

A little flustered, Kei went to interject, but was pre-counter-interjected by the member.

"I can't wait to show you what I can do, but first I'd like get to know you a little.

May I ask you a few general questions? To do this later, type "skip." You can also skip any question."

Kei desperately tried to find where she should type ?skip?. Sighing with exasperation, she relented. "Sure."

The member smiled a mechanical smile. "Cool. OK, let?s get started. To skip any question, type "skip". To exit the interview, type "exit".

[i]Interview?[/i] Kei and Lothar thought in unison.

"What?s your first name? If you want me to call you Lady Katana, type "none".

"Kei. My name?s Kei."

The member smiled its disjointed, robotic smile again. "Cool. I?ll call you Kei My Name?s Kei now."

Kei sank to the floor, left eye twitching and grumbling ferociously.

* * *

"OMFG Taht r be so cool!11"

"Were didyu gettit?"

"Will u marry me?"

Solo shook the bedraggled, wet and rather musty-smelling people from his form and spread his arms out, trying to get himself some space.

"I?m looking for a friend of mine. Can anyone tell me where she is?"

The room fell silent. Although judging by the state of aforementioned room, it was surprising it didn?t fall down altogether. Its rounded sewer-like walls were covered in green slime, ageing anime posters haphazardly fastened to them by any means possible. Tiny wooden desks lined the edges of the tunnels, leaving barely enough room for people to squeeze past. At the desks huddled groups of anime fans, chanting in low voices the themes to their favourite shows. Every so often a member from a rival anime would sneak past, sparking hisses of disdain to echo through the corridor. A small stream of unhealthy green liquid oozed along the floor, broken only by larger streams of the same liquid spurting noisily from cracks in the walls.

Solo looked around cautiously. From the back of the crowd came a member slightly taller than the rest. He wore a black hooded cloak and a Nicholas D. Wolfwood avatar.

"I see you have found our [b][u]cosy[/u][/b] little home!" the member said dramatically. "[b][u]Welcome[/u][/b]! Follow me."

Carefully, Solo did as he was told.

He was led to a dark grey room with a poorly-scrawled banner above it, reading ?AnimeBoards Moderators?. Oddly enough, regular members were running in and out as they pleased- it didn?t exactly look secure. As soon as he stepped inside, he was greeted by even more dark grey walls, into which were carved gutters for the green slime to flow along in interesting shapes. In the centre of the moderately-sized room stood a square table with six or seven Moderators standing about it, all of them wearing the same expression of concern. Solo turned to look back at the tunnel, only to find himself propelled forwards by a vast mass of? Rei. A member with a phenomenally huge avatar of the Evangelion character shoved him forwards, knocking him into the table with an undignified ?crack?. The moderators flinched and retreated to behind the hooded member.

"We have been waiting for you." The Nicholas D. Wolfwood-a-like removed his hood and stared grimly at Solo. Solo stared apprehensively back.

"For me? Why?"

"[b][u]You[/u][/b] are the one who is destined to free these boards from the [i][b][u]EVIL[/u][/b][/i] that has [b][u]enslaved[/u][/b] them so [b][u]cruelly[/u][/b]!"

Solo wrung his hands. "Um?"

"[b][u]You[/u][/b] are the one sent to us by?" the member froze, his arms spread wide above his head. The others watched him for a few seconds, then sat back around the table.

"Heh, you can ignore him, heh. Heh, his connection?s frozen now." a Moderator with a Kaworu avatar said softly, shaking Solo?s hand. "Heh, I?m Kaworu."

Another appeared, this time with a Goku avatar, clutching an exclusively-signed copy of a Big O manga sidled up to him and grinned a grin that was only slightly short of psychotic.

"DO YOU LIKE BIG O?" he cooed.

"Er, what I?ve seen-"

"GOOD!" he shouted abruptly before promptly disappearing into the darkness.

Kaworu invited Solo to sit at the table, on which sat a large cylindrical device with a handle at one end. It shone a bright gold, even without the aid of decent light to hit it.

"Heh, it?s called a SpamMa-Gun, and we think this?ll help us to get into the castle, but we don?t know how to operate it, heh."

Kaworu handed it to Solo, who turned it over in his hands and then dumped it on the table, having found a big red button labelled ?Open?.

"Heh."

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED...[/color][/color]

[Hevn]

Whew! That was long--ish.

Anyway, it's good that this is back on track and that abormal paragraph almost made me abnormally abnormal, lol. The membering members was quite teh funny too ^_^

Good job Sir Solo! *salutes*

[Dragon Warrior]

Hmm... intriguing chapter indeed. I laughed quite a ways through. But my favorite line has to be...

[quote]James wore a grave expression on his face. Mini-James wore gravy on his face.[/quote]

C'mon now... that's the kinda stupid comedy I like. I also liked the part with everyone exchanging expressions, but no one wanted to trade XD Teh silliness. Anyways, I'm intrigued to see this next part, so post it quickness! We gotta get this story rollin' again ;)

[Circ]

[QUOTE]The room fell silent. Although judging by the state of aforementioned room, it was surprising it didn?t fall down altogether.[/QUOTE]

That was awfully funny. Can't wait for the next part. *jumps on the spot*

[DDG]

[size=1][quote]Adam inspected the object very carefully, being careful not to touch anything but the borders around it to make sure he didn?t accidentally click on the link and get spirited away to some far-off place. Or to make sure he just didn?t get Spirited Away. He already had it on DVD.[/quote]

Haha, that's got to be my favorite part. I was laughing throughout most of it. The way you spoke about how they were dealing with the pop-up banners and what had happened was just...hilarious.

Great chapter, Solo! Can't wait to read more![/size]

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]I'm with DragonWarrior on this one, an intriguing story, though I have to admit I didn't notice anything rather humorous about it. I can't wait to see the concluding part, the storyline itself as well as the characters lead to a very shadowy, and perhaps as you've this made, you might a few more chapters while you're at it.[/SIZE]

[Shinmaru]

Excellent chapter, Solo.

I don't remember if anyone has mentioned this, but I love the way that you write this story. The writing style that you employ for this has a very [i]Phantom Tollbooth[/i] feel to it, and I really like it. The way that you toy with words and phrases is just endlessly amusing. I don't think that I could get enough of it, honestly.

[Solo Tremaine]

[COLOR=#503F86]Thankies for the feedback, guys ^____^ It's greatly appreciated, heh. And it's such a relief to finally get this up and running again.[/COLOR]
[quote name='Kane][size=1']I'm with DragonWarrior on this one, an intriguing story, though I have to admit I didn't notice anything rather humorous about it. I can't wait to see the concluding part, the storyline itself as well as the characters lead to a very shadowy, and perhaps as you've this made, you might a few more chapters while you're at it.[/size][/quote][color=#503f86]That concerns me a little- did you mean this one wasn't as funny? Most of the first part I forced myself to write when I was trying to finish it two months ago and I didn't actually go over it to try refining anything, so it might be a little more lacklustre than the rest. Either way, things really pick up in the second part; at least, I think so.

The next new chapter will feature more members, I promise ^_^;[/color]

[Ezekiel]

[QUOTE]THOOM!

Crashsplat.

"Ow."[/QUOTE]

[COLOR=Green][SIZE=1]*grins* Love it.

I must say that this wasn't as good as other chapters, but that may be because I don't know Lady K all that well. It was still very amusing, I can't wait to read the next chapter.

...Hoping that you get it up within the next month at least *rolls eyes* Heh heh.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Doukeshi]

I really liked this chapter. As said before, I love your style of humor such as the exchanging of expressions thing heh. Its getting more in depth now and I like it, I can't wait to see what 'Solo' and 'Kei' do in the next chapter *smirks*

[Arcadia]

[size=1]Everyone else has already quoted a lot of my favorite parts, heh, so I won't bother to do that. But I still love the way you explain changes on the boards in Enter The Net. And like Shin mentioned, your writing style itself is awesome - very subtle and witty, and very easy to read. And, before I forget ...

YAY I HEART THE KEI-STER WHEE FOR GOOD STORIES!!

.... Ahem. Good show, old chap. I'll be looking forward to the next one in a most serene and refraining manner. ^_~[/size]

[Gavin]

[quote name='Solo Tremaine][color=#503f86']That concerns me a little- did you mean this one wasn't as funny? Most of the first part I forced myself to write when I was trying to finish it two months ago and I didn't actually go over it to try refining anything, so it might be a little more lacklustre than the rest. Either way, things really pick up in the second part; at least, I think so.[/color][/quote]

[size=1]I don't really know Hugo, I just didn't see anything very laugh-out-loud funny about it, yes there was subtle things that made me chuckle, but overall I just felt it wasn't as funny as previous stuff. It's probably just me as my head was a little more than screwed up last night, but if you say the second part of this is going to be better then I'll take your word on it.[/size]

[quote name='Solo Tremaine][color=#503f86']The next new chapter will feature more members, I promise ^_^;[/color][/quote]

[size=1]Well we'll just have to wait and see who they are then won't we.[/size]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink][size=1]"Except AzureWolf, who hated v7."

I loved that part. Dry humour is so great. I also love the way you played with words, like in these two parts:

"Adam inspected the object very carefully, being careful not to touch anything but the borders around it to make sure he didn?t accidentally click on the link and get spirited away to some far-off place. Or to make sure he just didn?t get Spirited Away. He already had it on DVD."

It's so matter-of-fact, which is what makes it so amusing.

"Everyone exchanged concerned looks. Nobody seemed to want to trade, though."

I had to go back and reread that part to understand what it meant, but when I got it, it was really funny. The manipulation of multiple meanings of a phrase/word is such a neat quirk of your writing style. ^-^

Can't wait for the next chappy. Oh, and lots of love for Lady K, she's the best!

-Karma[/size][/color]

[MissWem]

[COLOR=DarkRed]Gah!! It took me and entire TWO days to read all of this, mostly because I had to sift through all of the positive comments you've been getting : P

IT's so punny and punfully punned. Teehehehe.. honestly, I wish I had started reading it as it came ^^"[/COLOR]

[Shinmaru]

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the guy who said heh every couple of words was hilarious. Christ, people complain about 'lol' and then they say 'heh' a million times a day. I swear, 'heh' is just as, if not more, annoying than 'lol' is. It's even funnier when people claim that they're trying to cut down on saying 'lol' and 'heh' just becomes a substitute for it. Brilliant plan, there :rolleyes:

Anyway, that was a ramble. Another thing...I can't believe that a couple of people didn't find this chapter funny. Maybe I'm just a giant nerd, but all of the wordplay made me laugh quite a bit. I don't get why people wouldn't find it funny, but whatever. Different strokes for different folks, after all.

[DeathBug]

[QUOTE]This particular normally abnormal day seemed almost abnormally abnormal, in such a way that was abnormal to the normal. Which was, of course, abnormal.[/QUOTE]

Can I have this for my sig? ^__^

[Solo Tremaine]

[quote name='Shinmaru']Another thing...I can't believe that a couple of people didn't find this chapter funny. Maybe I'm just a giant nerd, but all of the wordplay made me laugh quite a bit. I don't get why people wouldn't find it funny, but whatever. Different strokes for different folks, after all.[/quote][COLOR=#503F86]Quite a lot of the jokes were ones aimed mostly at Kei, seeing as she was the original intended audience ^_~ Lothar, for example, is a character from the webcomic which Kei and I both read called 'Exterminatus Now', involving characters from the Sonic the Hedgehog universe.

But the next part of it has more universal appeal, I think. There was so much I was trying to work into this chapter it could easily have gone on for another ten pages, but I had to cut a lot of it out. I can give a commentary when I next post, heh.

[quote name='DeathBug']Can I have this for my sig? ^__^[/quote]Of course ^_~[/COLOR]

[Heaven's Cloud]

[QUOTE=Solo Tremaine][COLOR=#503F86]Lothar, for example, is a character from the webcomic which Kei and I both read called 'Exterminatus Now', involving characters from the Sonic the Hedgehog universe.

[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[color=indigo] And here I thought the Lothar plushie was a refernce to the Space Ghost charecter...then I remembered that was Moltar. Why that is relevant, I have no clue but I knew that it would be something you'd want to know.

Oh well, another fun fan read...[/color]

[Solo Tremaine]

[color=#503f86]This is the concluding part of From here to Katana-ty, heh. There's a huge reference to Final Fantasy: Unlimited here, so anyone who's seen the show should probably get a kick out of it, heh.[/color][color=#503f86]

[b]Enter the Net Exclusive: From Here to Katana-ty [Part 2][/b]

"Do you go to school?"

"No."

"Are you in college?"

The sound of gritted teeth echoed down the corridors. "Not right now."

"Excellent. Good luck with that. What?s your favourite hobby."

"Killing forums members."

"Wow. Okay. Let?s think of something else, right?"

[i]Finally, I?m getting somewhere![/i] Kei thought.

"Please try again."

"What?!"

"Sorry, I don?t recognise that as a hobby. Please try again or type "[b]skip[/b]" or "[b]exit[/b]".

Despite Lothar?s protests and his pulling on her dress, Kei decided that now she?d come so far, she had to stick it through. Something wasn?t right about these forums and she was determined to find out what. This would be her best bet?

* * *

The Nicholas D. Wolfwood member turned out to be the forum?s original Administrator, SSJDigiCloud (and also disproportionate husband of the Rei, aptly enough called ?Rei?). In terms of [i]dramatis personae[/i], he certainly contained more of the former, and enjoyed saying certain words in bold and underlining them to emphasise anything he thought appropriate. Which, in his own words, "could be [b][u]anything[/b][/u]".

Solo listened intently to the story of the budding anime forum that had cruelly been leapt upon by a voraciously ambitious member who?d risen to the rank of Administrator and promptly banned every single member he was able. Huge forum wars followed; unfortunately his armies won, driving the rest to lurking in the sewers and backgrounds, constantly under threat of troll attack.

"And so we were driven to [b][u]lurking[/b][/u] in-"

"Heh, you said that already."

"[b][u]Oh[/b][/u]."

The psychotic Goku leapt from the darkness and danced on the table, waving his manga in the air. "BIG O! MINE IS SIGNED I PWNX0RS J000!!!"

"Please, heh! We?re trying to think of a plan." Kaworu hissed.

Solo scratched his neck in thought, trying not to look at Rei for fear of angering SSJDigiCloud. This proved awkward, as she pretty much filled all available space in the room.

"So let me get this straight. Kei and I were destined to come here and free you? Where does it say this?"

The Moderators exchanged concerned looks.

"That?s not important." SSJDigiCloud coughed. "What matters is that you two are here now and you can help destroy HIM."

"How, exactly?"

"You two will use the SpamMa-Gun."

Solo looked at it with disdain. "What does that thing do?"

"It summons a powerful creature from the web to destroy opponents. That much we know."

Solo idly ran his finger along the SpamMa-Gun?s handle, getting bored and increasingly worried about Kei. "How did you find that out?"

The Moderators exchanged more concerned looks.

"That?s not important either. But time is of the [b][u]essence[/b][/u]! We must start taking our plan into [b][u]action[/b][/u]."

Big grins spread across the room, leaving Solo rather worried.

"I gather you?ve been thinking about this for some time."

"Heh."

"Right, okay. I presume it has a lot of action and adventure in it?"

"Heh?"

* * *

Kei was face-down on the floor by the time the member had finished asking her questions. She wrenched herself to her feet and stared it furiously in the face.


"Right, you! Where am I?"

"I can?t be too sure."

"What do you mean ?You can?t be too sure?? I thought you worked here!"

"Work? That sounds hard."

"Obviously for someone like you."

"Whatever, Kei."

Kei clenched her fists. "That?s rather rude of you, you know."

"That?s not what I heard." Roger Smith replied with a wink.

Kei blinked. "What did you hear?"

"All sorts of stuff. Mostly rumours, though."

Kei?s interest piqued. She sidled closer. "Like what?"

"Forget it."

The Lothar plushie launched an attack on Roger Smith?s leg, shooting unrelentingly at his leg. Roger didn?t move an inch, but his leg flew over the other side of the corridor.

"No, I want to know!" Kei protested.

"What would you like to know?"

"How many members are there on this site?"

"Two."

Kei hesitated. "Only two? Then who?s inside the forums?"

"Those are bots, used to generate automatic conversations at blistering speeds. Their replies have no relation to one another, only to the subject at hand."

Kei noticed that Lothar was busy chewing his way through Roger?s second leg. Wires and circuit boards spilled onto the floor. "You?re a robot too, aren?t you?" she whispered.

Roger nodded.

Just as Kei was about to run down the corridor, she was swept into a carriage by a long, muscular and handsome (if rather sinister) arm. Lothar just managed to catch onto the train of her dress.

"You!" Kei scowled at her ?host?. "These forums are a complete sham! They?re all run by bots."

The Darcia ?host? smiled in his handsomely sinister way. "Run by bots, powered by trolls. Isn?t it perfect?"

"Perfect?!" Kei shrieked. "It?s a lie! How can you bring me here when I had so much more to do back at OtakuBoards?"

The ?host? smiled wryly. "But my Lady Katana, you can have peace and quiet here. No-one will bother you with spam- you?re free to do what you will for as long as you like."

"But what?s the point of being a Moderator if there?s nothing to Moderate? It?s not as if you can call these bots ?friends?."

The ?host?s eye twitched and the carriage ground to a halt outside a big double door. "Fine," he growled, jumping out of the carriage and over to the doors. "I?ll take you back so long as you do me this one favour."

Kei was reluctant to accept, but disembarked from the carriage anyway. The two huge oaken doors swung open with a huge creaking noise.

She had to admit, even for a forum completely full of automatons, it was a pretty spectacular site to behold. Golden chandeliers hung from the ceiling, from which trailed huge gold and red ribbons. Mirrors and stained-glass windows in the designs of anime characters adorned the walls, which were all tastefully decorated with statues and paintings. As they stepped inside, the bot members all turned and clapped, in authentic period evening wear.

"Dance with me, Kei."

* * *

Darkness. Six figures crept quietly through dingy, musty tunnels. As they reached a ladder with a chalk sign next to it reading ?Teh Castle?, a deep sigh reverberated around the walls. A distinctly wolf-shaped head banged against the wall.

"This? is?"

"[b][u]Nice[/b][/u]?"

"[i]No[/i]! Ridiculous. I can?t believe I?m going to rescue Kei in this outfit."

"Heh."

"But it looks so [b][u]good[/b][/u] on you!"

"Well? I?m not denying that. But there?s a time and a place for wearing things like this."

"BIG O CONVENTIONS?"

A tense silence.

"Right, shall we go?"

"[b][u]YES[/b][/u]!"

Solo grimaced. "Who?s going up first?"

Another tense silence.

"Well, you?re the hero?"

Solo?s blush almost lit up the tunnel. "Hey, I didn?t [i]ask[/i] for this costume! You?ll all be able to see up it?"

"Would you rather [b][u]I[/b][/u] went in front of you, then?"

Another, longer, tense silence.

"I?ll go first." Solo sighed, grabbing the rungs of the ladder and hauling himself up.

* * *

All things considered, the ball could have been a lot worse. Sure, slow-dancing to "Ima Made Nando Mo" was difficult, but then so was wearing a corset. Mini-Lothar busied himself with the snacks on the buffet table while Kei?s ?host? led her in a graceful waltz.

"I appreciate everything you?ve done for me here, but I really should get back to the OtakuBoards now." She sighed, forcing a smile at him.

Her ?host? grimaced, albeit rather handsomely. "One more song."

Slowly, The Massmissile?s song faded out and was replaced with King of Bandit Jing?s main theme: [i]Shout It Loud[/i]. Just as the main guitar melody started, Kei could hear some odd banging noises. Was it the mp3?

Suddenly the two oak doors flew from their hinges, squashing twenty-odd bots and ripping a chandelier from the ceiling. Mass panic ensued, and through the hordes of fleeing robots, Kei could see six distinct figures running towards her.

All of them dressed in skimpy French Maid outfits.

Their eyeshadow glimmered brightly in the golden ballroom light, their jewelled tiaras glittered and every one of their movements resulted in vast amounts of overly-gratuitous panty shots.

Solo charged forwards, whirling his sword through the air, scanning the area for Lady Katana.

"Kei! Where are you?"

He felt something tug on his shoulder frills.

"I?m here." Kei said blankly, wearing an expression that spoke of trauma that may never be reversed. Solo blushed and tried to pull his skirt down to it at least covered the top of his thigh, but to little avail.

"This wasn?t my idea, but it was the only way I could get you back."

Kei didn?t move. "You know, you really didn?t?" Sensing that Solo would have exploded if she?d gone any further, she held her tongue and sighed. "Thank you."

Behind her, her ?host? was quaking. Partly with fear, partly with horror and partly with a sense of absolute rage. He stared deeply into SSJDigiCloud?s eyes.

"You!"

"[b][u]ME[/b][/u]!"

"Heh."

"Us!" Rei stepped forwards, brandishing her outfit with? frills.

The ?host? gulped. "You."

Kei threw Mini-Lothar at SSJDigiCloud. "Don?t even think about getting us into a pointless cycle of personal pronouns! Just finish it and get out of here."

The ?host?s shaking increased. Sharp hissing noises rasped from his mouth. Gripped with rage, he tore a control panel from his wrist and punched a large red button. The sky outside turned a deep shade of black and the walls began to shake.

Across the far end of the ballroom, the wall burst inwards. Trolls the size of small mountains lumbered inside, each holding a weapon more brutal than the last. SSJDigiCloud looked to Solo.

"The SpamMa-Gun! You two must use it now!"

Before Kei could se where Solo had whipped it from, he had done so and held it out in front of them. They both gripped the handle with one hand and Solo jabbed the ?Open? button.

It moved.

The edges of the cylinder split apart, forming wings alongside a huge array of gears, cogs and shafts that were revealed inside. In a blur of cel-shaded CGI the shafts moved around each other to form a large three-barrelled cannon pointing directly at the trolls.

"Yes, that?s it!" Kaworu yelled.

Kei and Solo looked at each other, than at the trolls. A rack filled with all kinds of coloured bullets sprung back from the main canister and three large loading gates materialised above it.

"Choose the right Spam colours, quickly!"

Quickly, they chose three and readied them for loading into the gun.

"Spam! Our Strength! SpamMa-Gun, Dissolve!" the two of them roared. "We have chosen the Spam for the likes of you!"

Solo flicked a bullet containing the #503F86 coloured-font into the air. "The wolf?s cry in the forum display, Solo Purple!" He thrust it into the first of the loading gates, which snapped shut.

Kei took the next one, flicking it into the air in exactly the same fashion. "The bladed enemy of tearing spam, Katana Blue!"

Both took the final bullet, slamming it into the last loading gate. "The all-seeing power of one, Administrator Grey!"

The gun?s whirring increased to deafening levels. They aimed the gun in the direction of the trolls and pulled the trigger.

"Summoned Creature! DESBREKO!"

Three huge beams of coloured light spiralled from the gun. They spun through the air and collided, creating a monstrous flash of light from which was catapulted Desbreko, a huge iron boot on his right foot. He cannoned through the air and straight into the trolls, destroying them all with one phenomenal nad-kick.

The SpamMa-Gun disappeared, as had Kei?s ?host?. Solo and Kei looked back at the forum?s original Moderators and smiled.

"The place is yours again now." Solo said kindly, opening the Internet Explorer browser on his wrist. "Take care of it."

"[b][u]FAREWELL[/b][/u], friends!"

Desbreko (who was a little perplexed as to how he arrived in this situation but nonetheless happy for having kicked some ?serious nad?), Lady Katana and Solo vanished in a flash of light. AnimeBoards? Moderators set about clearing up the rubble while more members slowly started creeping back into the castle.

* * *

Back in the Manga Workshop, Kei grinned happily to see her friends greeting her and all the manga and webcomics she?d left behind earlier sitting neatly on her desk. It may not be the best-looking of forums, but it was home.

James smiled widely at her reappearance. "Glad to have you back, Kei."

Shin?s expression alternated between a sneaky smile and a look of mild disturbance at Solo?s new outfit. "Nice skirt."

Solo blushed, batting his eyelids. "You think so?"

Upon realising his [i]faux pas[/i], Solo disappeared to his MyOtaku site to change his costume.

"It?s good to be back." Kei said with a tired, weary smile. Mini-Lothar clambered onto her shoulder and gave her an affectionate poke, indicating the coffee machine.

Kei made low grumbling noises at the presence of coffee, murmuring something to do with ?devil juice?, but went over to get him a cup anyway.

The crisis averted, the remaining Moderators zipped to their respective forums to help continue fight the war against spam.

* * *

The Darcia mask clattered to the floor and the dark purple cloak slid gracefully off the figure?s shoulders. Smoothly, with an almost mechanical movement, he placed his Agent Smith sunglasses on his face and disappeared through a hyperlink.[/color]

[DDG]

[size=1][quote]He cannoned through the air and straight into the trolls, destroying them all with one phenomenal nad-kick.[/quote]

That was brilliant, Solo! I never expected Des to come out of that SpamMa Gun! But then again, who better to destroy the evil trolls than Des the super nad-kicker?

Great Solo, absolutely great. Can't wait for the next chapter![/size]

[MissWem]

[COLOR=DarkRed]Aw, doesn't Solo look so puerty in a skirt?

^__^ I certainly enjoyed this story, I don't know the FF story but I don't think it mattered. So much of this amused me but I think one of the favourite parts I do remember is:
"Desbreko (who was a little perplexed as to how he arrived in this situation but nonetheless happy for having kicked some ?serious nad?)"
Ah Desbreko.. the story was 'kick-nad' to put it colourfully.[/COLOR]

[Desbreko]

[color=#4B0082]I give this chapter two boots up! ... *falls on my butt for lack of grounded feet* ... No one says a word, or else there'll be some serious nad kickage. >_>[/color]