Can any1 tell me if they think im making a big deal outta nothing? (mature, i think)

[::Ex-Soldier::]

See? If you doubt yourself about ****, he's going to walk all over you.

Take action and don't let him. He could be dangerous. Has he ever been violent with other people or known to have temper problems?

[ChibiHorsewoman]

It has nothing to do with music either.:laugh: It just has to do with where it would cause the most pain. Just beacuse you're not as strong as him doesn't mean you can't fight back.
[b]S[/b]olarplexis-lower back, and the best way to get him there is to use your elbow
[b]I[/b]nstep-stomp down really hard with your heel, preferably with a pair of combat boots.
[b]N[/b]ose-use the heel of your hand in a quick upwards thrusting motion. You [i]could[/i] break someone's nose that way.
[b]G[/b]roin-self explanitory

Of course, you could also report the guy for sexual harrassment or-and make sure you don't burn the whole candle when you do this-do a banishing ritual using candle magick so he'll just leave you alone. The reason I say don't use the whole cand;e is because in all technicalities you're taking away his free will and we both know that's a big no no. But things like this have worked before.
Also even one else is right about this guy not being your friend. No 'friend' would put someone through this kind of stuff. He's got too much bad kharma, too much negativity and a bad temper to boot.
Try not to be so wishy washy about everything as well, stand up for yourself. Maybe you should try to do some meditation on it something could come to you through that. I know it helps me, just make sure you're grounded when you do it. A personal ritual could also help to find some strength to either confront the guy or tell someone else about him.

[COLOR=purple]I slept and dreamed that life was beauty; I woke and found that life was duty-Ellen Sturgis Hooper[/COLOR]

[Baron Samedi]

Tell him this :" I have a boyfriend, and whilst I enjoy your company, I don't want to go out with you, nor do I appreciate you making sexual moves on me. If this continues, I will have to tell someone"

That should scare him off. What he is doing is creepy, and he is wrong, and you haven't done anything wrong. But when you tell him, don't be nice. Be very proper and formal. That will probably shock him more than anything.

[wiccansamurai]

He thinks I was asleep the whole time... i don't wanna tell ne1 i wasn't, cuz they'll just think I'm a complete slut. I don't wanna hurt him, yet, anyway. I don't know if he's had previous problems. I know his girlfriend wouldn't tell me why she broke up with him, but i'm going to casually ask her about it monday.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

Okay, if you're so worried about everything that's going to happen, and since you're innocent you shouldn't really worry about all sorts of crappy backlash. Besides the fact that you shouldn't worry about other people I can offer a few solutions.
Ignore everyone else, quit acting like a victim,and tell someone. Beat the guy senseless. Or forget the whole thing.
I'm sure that other people, including myself, have been in your situation before and we've all handled it differently. But just stop acting like a statistic and do something.

[Guest rttocs77]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by wiccansamurai [/i]
[B]I was on the bus ride home from band last night, and i was sitting with my friend, s. we normally fall asleep on eachother. Then he said "If we were a boyfriend girlfriend thing, i would do this" And acts like he was going to put his face in my breast. I pulled away and said that was weird, and went back to trying to sleep. then he asked me out and i said no, cuz, as he already knew, i have a boyfriend. Then he told me a few minutes later that he only meant at band. i said he was confusing me and we dropped it. i pretended to go to sleep becuz i didnt wan t to talk about it anymore. But he started to scare me. he fingered my side, not near to anything, tho, and played around with my hand. then he would lift up hs head and smell my hair or kiss my forehead, but i continued to play sleeping. i was too scared to do anything. then sum1 gave me an excuse to pretend to have woken up, so i sat up, edged to the end of the seat. i couldnt switch seats, there was no room. so i tried to talk to sum1. no1 wanted to talk to me. so when s told me to go back to sleep against him (which was really creepy) i had no excuse and no courage to say no. and he had his fingers on my side again, which, in itself, wouldnt be too bad, but he moved his fingers up until... they were on, you know? then i sat up really fast and said i wasnt tired anymore, cuz i was too scared. He couldn't have thought i was asleep by then, so why the hell did he do that? So i cried a lot today. am i making a big deal out of nothing? [/B][/QUOTE]


Some people might consider that sexual harassment...

[John]

Whether you were asleep or not makes no difference whatsoever. It's basically the same thing as him knocking you out with a club and raping you while you were unconscious (to a somewhat lesser degree, of course). It's barbaric.
If slapping obviously doesn't work because he's stronger and faster than you, just stay away from him. If it's physically impossible for you to not be with him, always make sure there are lots of people around; never go somewhere alone with him. Never sit by him. If he tries to move in on you, tell him to stay away. Just don't try anything violent if you can help it; all that will do is anger him.

[stardust]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by rttocs77 [/i]
[B]Some people might consider that sexual harassment... [/B][/QUOTE]

Of course, because that's what it was!You know,if you have a problem with this at band again, just tell your director,I'm sure he'll understand.

[valerie]

You keep talking about how he thought you were asleep. Like that makes any difference! In fact, that means he was taking advantage of you, which is 10x creepier than doing stuff to your face...

Also, anyone that keeps doing something after you've asked them not to, needs a good kick right where it hurts. It means they do not care what you think, and don't respect you, because if they did, they wouldn't want to do anything to make you uncomfortable.

[Epid3mic]

The first thing you have to do is [B]stop defending him[/B]. He is a sexual predator in the making, period. He is not your friend. Valerie is right, doing it to you while you sleep is 10 times worse than while you are awake. No offense, but you make it a bit obvious you let people push you around. No one will think you are a slut, they'll think he's a pervert (which he is). And if you're afraid to tell an adult, atleast tell you're boyfriend to go kick his ***, I mean, if he's dating you, he should know you are not a slut. And if he asks why you let him do it, just tell him the truth: you were afraid and didn't know what to do. This "friend" of yours is obviously not healthy, I would completely cut him out from my life if I were you. And don't give me that, "well, he's my friend" bs, don't be afraid to hurt someone's feelings, if he was truly your friend, he wouldn't be sexually harassing you.

[Heartless Me]

alrigth listen to me i'm most likely older than anyone that's posted on this thread. speaking from 23years of experience with dealing with peoples problems and such. It matters not if he thought you were asleep or not, or what you did the night before. he had no reason to think that he had any chance with you just because you were warming your hands on his neck. now if you were warming your hands in his pockets that would be a different story. You need to tell him how you feel right away before it gets to far. if he doesn't listen then you need to tell an adult. it doesn't matter what other people think of you. would you rather be safe and teased or violated and left alone? That's something to think about.

PS-I mean no disrespect to any other person who's given advice to her on the boards. it's all very good words of wisdom to follow! ^_^

[Kanariya]

It's sexual harassment, tell that guy to lay off. If one of my friends as a boy started doing that, I wouldn't give a crap and I'd slap him and curse at him.
You can't let him take over you, you have to defend yourself, you got a boyfriend. Agreeing with Epid3mic, get your boyfriend to go kick his ***, no matter friend or not.
Or other then no fight then, tell a guardian/teacher/adult you can trust. They'll probably take it from there.

[Guest Crimson Spider]

I'm going with other peoples advice on this. The WORST thing you could to is protray yourself to be weak and helpless. Telling a teacher/adult/guardian is good, but you will still appear voulnerable. Show him your not. Next time he trys anything, bite his head off at a very loud angry volume telling him to cut it out or else, improvising with words that may not be uttered here. If he still trys anything, pummel his ugly but.

The 3 fastest ways to take down a man.

1. The genital area. Most commonly known, and most commonly mis-interpreted. It is not the penis itself that is the weakest. It's the scrotom. The "sac". The ball-bearings of the sac are the point of which the most pain is inflicted. Now, the location of the scrotum varies slightly from man to man. But they are located LOW. Almost downright between the legs, but on more of the frontal side. Kick with an UPWARD motion, causing the sac to be crunched against his pelvis. The pain is not immediate. The immediasy of the incompacitation comes from the psychology. He realizes that his best friends has been smashed, and he ducks down before the actual pain registers. Having his purpose for the assult badly injured will greatly deter him, along with the nausiation and the inability to walk. Him reaching down leaves his second area clear in the blue.

2. The nose. There is NO bone behind the nose. Just nerves, and cartilage. If he is crouching down from the impact of his best friends, kick him on the nose. Simple enough. But if he isn't, stiffen your arm and drive your palm into his nose in yet again, an UPWARD motion towards the eyes and brain, causing it to break, bleed like a faucet, and his eyes to immediatly tear like a little baby, rendering him blind. I mean TEERY TEER TEERAROO. Almost rediculess how much it teers. Lean your body weight into it to strengthen the strike, and use your other arm for extra power of need be. The running of blood down his nose into his mouth will cause him to panic. Since he's blind, there's not much else he can do.

3. The diaphram. Little biology lesson: the diaphram is the muscle in your body that repedidily moves up and down expanding and contracting the lungs, [b]causing one to breath[/b]. The Diaphram is located between the lower ribs, above the abs, and below the sternum. The soft spot. Now, do NOT kick the Diaphram. That's next to impossible. Strike in an almost strait motion, either using a upper-cut like motion also caled an underhand punch, or by driving your elbow forward, using your other arm as a brace. Once again, body weight increases the strength of the blow. If he is behind you, 2 elbows backwards will inflict enough pain to stop him. A second strike would help the speed of the pain take effect. This pain is the most delayed out of the 3, but once his body registers, he will lose the ability to breath because it hurts like a mother to do so. Holding your breath and running for a long time CANNOT compare to this incredible pain.

Remember: These are DEFENSE techniques. They are not nearly as effective for offense. He will NOT suspect them. But be glad that no matter HOW buff, HOW much he works out, nor HOW tough he may seem, this WILL be effective! No amount of strength will protect these areas. They shall remain soft and voulnerable. These have been tested by experts, and are proven to work. Not only that, but I myself have experienced all three of these, and they ALL work.

The reason why these 3 are most effective is because of not only that they always work, and hurt badly, but because of the other Effects of the pain. For 1, he cannot walk. For 2, he cannot see. For 3, he cannot breath. All giving you ample time to either escape, or continue to pummel him.

The easiest out of the 3 to do is NO. 2. If he was sitting next to you, you would've done both 2 and 3. Standing up, all 3. Behind you, 2 and 3. But these should be reserved as last-ditch efforts. Most men will not go that far. Remember: 99% of all sexual preditors are cowards. They don't want opposition. They aren't manly enough to get a woman themselves.

There are a few other situational methods, but these are situational.

1. IF YOU HAVE LONG NAILS, you can scatch him. The best area is on the side infront of the ear and on the neck. Also, above any of his eyes. Your nails are sharper than you think. A slitting motion above the eyes would cut a vein and cause blood to go into his eyes, causing him to panic.

Can't think of others. But another tip: A lot of common things around you can be effectivly used as weapons. For instance, if you reach into your backpack, a sharp compass or pencil or screwdriver or candycane transforms into a knife in an instant. Inhalers, cleaners, and paints are instantly pepper-spray. Even so much as throwing a bottle of water into his face, although seemingly harmless, WILL BLIND HIM.

And last but not least: fear can be a powerful ally. Fear causes adrenaline, which causes power. YOU ARE STRONGER WHEN YOUR SCARED.

[Charles]

This is completely unacceptable. To be blunt, it's heinous.

First and foremost, you were violated, you were taken advantage of. And now you're playing the victim. You're feeling guilty, shifting the blame onto yourself and making excuses for him. That's normal, sadly. Situations involving the overstepping of the boundaries of friendship have a habit of pulling the wool over one's eyes. Reason being, people simply don't want to believe that someone they have placed some measure of trust in would take advantage of them.

We can all understand that he groped you. We can see that he doesn't respect you, that he has a history of touching you inappropriately and ignoring your protests. So, while it's good that you are reaching out in some manner to people who can see the situation for what it is and give you advice, our words can only do so much for you. In the end, you're going to have to gather the strength and take the initiative to make this right. You're going to have to be the one to realize that this guy is not your friend--that friends don't place other friends in uncomfortable situations.

The fact that you've allowed this to go on for so long is bad enough. You've told him "no" and he's ignored you. Now, it's time to assert yourself. There was no accident here and I don't know how you can believe that it's possible to enjoy a friendship with someone who harasses you. Is that really someone you want to be around? Someone that would touch you in personal areas while you're thought to be asleep? Just imagine what could have transpired if there weren't other people around.

Don't ignore this any longer. It'll only fester and become worse. Show him that you're not going to stand for his garbage. Speak out to an authority figure before he becomes even more daring and potentially harms you.

[Patronus]

If you don't do anything about it now, it'll turn into rape. Believe me, I've had friends that it's happened to.

[wiccansamurai]

I don't know, I'm not good with talking to teachers and adults or anything like that. I always end up crying when i don't want to or saying the wrong thing and making me come out as the bad one. I'm scared no one will understand what I'm trying to say. I wonder if the girls sitting in the next seat saw any of that? If they did, they must of thought I was asleep. My brother was so close, and when I turned around to talk to him, he didn't want to talk. We're twins, and we used to know eachother's thoughts pratically. I wish he coulda stopped it. I'm just rambling.

[Mitch]

[size=1] Just tell some authority figure. It isn't too hard. It isn't hard at all.

If you want it to get more ugly than it is, then be ignorant and don't listen to what people--especially Charles--have said.

We're only trying to help. Excuses never helped anyone, and doubt never helped anyone either.

Just get it over with. You'll be glad you did.

Trust me.[/size]

[James]

[color=#707875]I think Charles is exactly right here. How could you want to be this guy's friend at all? You said yourself that his behavior was scaring you. That's terrible; you should never feel that uncomfortable around your own friends.

If you are unable to be really direct with this guy (ie: stop groping me, you pervert!), then you should definitely go to your teachers/parents and you should totally avoid this guy. This could become quite a serious problem (though I think it's serious already).

I don't know what else to say without really repeating the other advice in this thread; it seems obvious as to what you should do now.[/color]

[shahi]

get rid of him kick his *** to the curb. Example at school this boy tried to feel on me I beat him down with a shoe(A very heavy shoe). If you don,t want to beat him down tell a teacher. he is not your friend if he's trying to take advantage of you

[wiccansamurai]

I don't think I'll be his friend. If he tries anything on me again. he's getting slapped. Or so I say, but I've never slapped a guy before.... I shoulda slapped him long ago, too. I kinda thought it wasn't too bad when he was slapping my *** cuz he did that to brit and another girl, too. But I hope he hasn't done this to too many other girls... I'll ask his 2 exs what happened with them.

[Guest Crimson Spider]

Hm.. this is almost scary how I can relate it to my Aunt Mary. Well, she lived with an abusive husband named Steve Sprolls. He was on the news once. Anyway, as time went on, he got worse. So much he was yanking her out of bed in the middle of the night, kicking out his 2 children, drinking, blasting music extreamly loud with my baby neice in the room still, drinking, hitting. You name it, he done it. And guess what: My aunt didn't do anything because of the exact same problem you have: Talking to people about it is tough. Yes, it is. But only AT THAT TIME. As soon as your done talking, it's easier. Much easier. But my Aunt didn't. My Aunt stayed married to this idiot for years and years and years. Him being abusive all this time. And She saw it as her fault! She saw it as her son's fault, too. She would make up excuses to defend him. So now she is seriously screwed up, so is her family, simply because she chose not to take action. She would do almost the exact same things you described, and are doing. She is scarred for life. She constantly seeks to find abusive spouses. The one she's got right now pretty much broke her hand in an arguement. PS: I also think she's doing drugs. You don't want to do drugs. It's the worst thing that can happen to you... figurativly speaking anywho.

But go tell someone. Right now, or in the morning, or something! I mean, appearing weak isn't nearly as bad is being weak. Defending him, and letting him get away with it is being weak. Telling an older person about it, even crying doing so, is only appearing to be weak. Right now, your already extreamly depressed and sad over it. Doing nothing will NOT help. I've seen this with my own 2 eyes, and heard it with both my ears. I've seen what happens when you take the wrong road, so now I want to see what happens when you take the right road.

Fact: 69% of all rapes are never told. So that means that 69% of people don't learn their lesson. And 100% of the victoms are messed up for life. Almost being a victum isn't as bad is being a victum. I had a realitive. She was constantly exposed to her fathers area. Maybe even raped, but one can only assume. She was messed up so bad she grew up assuming she was a lesbian for years! Even though she's gone out of it now, I'm sure she's still not right in the head because of it. Once again: I've seen what happens when the wrong road is taken. Now I want to see what happens when the right road is taken.

[Marik_Duelist]

To make it easier to tell, I find its good to write on a peice of paper what I want to say. That is how I told my sis about something bad that was happening to me. Your parents, even if you dont, will kick and crush this boys *** for scaring you like this. Your brother will kill him. Do you have a sister? If you cant tell your parents, tell a sister, or a favorite aunt, or a really really [b]really[/b] good friend, who will help you deal with this freak of an ex bad friend of yours.

[outlawstar69]

I'm kinda glad that people can come here and share their problems like this; as a place to look for support and all. Keep in mind that I am, in mind anyway, fully behind whatever you do that will help you with your situation. If any of us were in your place, we'd be thinking differently, not with a clear head. I hope that all of our cheers of support and advice help you, in some way or another.

[wiccansamurai]

I feel much better!!! I told one of my friends, Justin (Who ended up telling half the school, but oh well) and it just became this whole joke, but not in a bad way. I don't feel as scared, and if Sean (that'd be his name) comes anywhere near me, he's getting slapped. I found out, he does have a girlfriend, was trying to get back at her for something. He also was jealous that Justin and his girlfriend were making out and wanted to make out with someone. For some reason, I was the obvious choice. Anyway, my friends can't believe how stupid I was to try to fall asleep there, but we all just kinda laughed. I have to go to jazz band, but he'll be there. As I said, if he come anywhere near me, I'll slap him. I feel much better. I only saw Sean briefly in the hallway twice, but I didn't say anything, I just ignored him.

[amibasuki]

[FONT=arial]first off (though it might be too late by now), I don't see why his ex-girlfriend should be pulled into this. you don't really need to know why they broke up, do you? I'm sure you can guess well enough for yourself, heh.

secondly, if he was any sort of friend worth keeping around, he'd never have pulled any of this junk to begin with. you don't need someone like him to be hanging around you. so if you feel like you'd be stepping on his toes by telling him to quit, then don't feel that way. you shouldn't feel any guilt about getting rid of him if he can't treat you the way you expect, and [i]deserve[/i], to be treated. there are other guys out there who would treat you with a hundred times more respect than he would, so you wouldn't be losing much anyway.

probably the most important part of getting him to stop is to get him to take you seriously. you can't act like you're afraid, like a couple of other people have said. it just tells him he can keep messing with you.

the next time he tries feeling you up, act like you're absolutely [i]furious[/i] at him (keep in mind I didn't say act like an eight-year old throwing a tantrum, because that won't work too well in your favor), tell him just how sick you are of him feeling you up like that, and move into another seat, or anywhere away from him, for that matter. I'm sure if you explained your situation to an understanding person, they'd gladly make room for you.

if he tries playing stupid, don't let him try to convince you that he wasn't doing anything wrong, or show any sign of him getting back on your good side, no matter how much sweet-talking he does. tell him that the both of you know full well what he's doing, and if he cared for you as a friend at all he wouldn't be acting like such an *** to you.

and if you can actually pull it off, I guess you could warn him that you'll hurt him by *take your pick of pain-infliction* if he doesn't stop, and actually do it the next time he messes with you. don't actually threaten it unless you plan to go through with it, or he won't take you seriously. I also wouldn't recommend trying to hurt him if he's stronger than you, because 1.) it probably wouldn't hurt him, and he wouldn't care if you do it next time, and 2.) some guys don't feel the least bit sorry for hitting girls back. go ahead and forcefully push him off you if you need to though, by all means, obviously.

for a future thought, don't even put yourself in the position for him to do something like that to you again next time. if he gets all fussy as to why you won't sit with him anymore, tell him exactly why, and don't let him convince you to change your mind, no matter how much 'apologizing' he does.

if things start to die down after that (and he actually has stopped bothering you), then you don't have to get the counselors or your parents involved. it probably would be a good thing for you to do anyway though, because talking about things like this out in the open really helps, and will most likely make you feel more relieved about it all. you should definitely report him if he doesn't quit after you've firmly told him not to, though. heck, you should've reported him by now, for taking advantage of you already. that's up to you to decide though. but if talking to an adult would've been good for you in all three cases, then I'd tell someone if I were you.


EDIT: well now, don't I feel all right as rain, seeing as you've already replied and all. oh well, at least things are starting to look in a more positive direction for ya ^_^. I'll just.....look at this useless post and fix random grammatical issues as I find them....and stuff....
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