My sister is nervous about dating...

[Guest Crimson Spider]

This is not me, BTW. My sister. I decided to make a topic, because I'm not exactly the best at relationship advice.

O.K. here's what happened. My sister was working at a blockbuster. Nothing really different. But then a man comes in. Nothing new. She helps him out, like she's supposed to. Nothing new. But then the guy says she's really nice, and gives his name and number to her.

She says he looks middle-eastern, and has a name to suit it. And as you may or may not have known, Christains and muslums have been against eachother for quite awhile. That's the one factor I'm really considering. But this isn't a topic about that.

The rest she's being paranoid about. "What if he's a jerk?" "What if he only wants a 1 night stand?". We watch blind date. And she says that she see's the dates on there, and for some odd reason, she says that their all horrible, and bad, and never turn out right. Why she says this I don't know. But she does, and convincing her otherwise is IMPOSSIBLE. So she's not doing a THING.

I just tell her to give it an all or nothing, and go out with the guy atleast once. But she just plain won't listen to me.

So... what advice to you guys n' girls give?

[Guest .h4ck]

if he just went in and gave her his number, then i dont recommend her going out with him, there are many possiblities what he can be, not going to list them.

hope this helped,

[Brasil]

Let's examine, shall we?

Your sister is uneasy about this situation, unsure about what may or may not arise from it.

Keeping in mind, also, but not harping on, the fact that this man may be Middle Eastern, and while the likelihood that this man knowing your sister is Christian is low, probability slim, it is still a possibility, however unlikely.

Granted, Blind Date is an idiotic show that does not portray a positive light on blind dates, but I really don't see how that positively or negatively affects the said situation, because I can guarantee that the majority of daters on that show do not meet once in a Blockbuster.

The problem is not that she is refusing to pursue this. The problem is your refusal to accept her decisions. I understand the "older sibling" ideal, but your sister has made an intelligent decision based upon an unease regarding a newly presented situation.

To pursue something that one is weary of, or not 100% sure of, is foolish. I quote Joe from Reservoir Dogs, "He was the only one I wasn't a hundred percent on. I should have my ******* head examined for goin forward when I wasn't a hundred percent."

Your sister made the right decision by not going forward when she wasn't 100%.

[Guest Crimson Spider]

That's probably what it is. Like I said: I'm not that good with relationship advice.

But you can take it from this guys possible view: This girl, looks nice, acts nice, is polite. Maybe I should try her out.

[BabyGirl]

[color=deeppink]Buh, eh, isn't that how dating works? Boy meets girl at chance encounter, girl thinks boy is cute, girl receives or gives out phone number...and a date follows.

She shouldn't be so nervous, I mean...yes, that's how dates happen. A TON of relationships happen because two people meet at some random place like Blockbuster, and end up finding they're compatible.

Maybe she's just nervous because she doesn't feel ready to start dating, and that I can understand. But if she's worried about the fact that she met him so randomly, then that's silly.

I get the feeling that she just isn't ready to date, yet. I think it takes some time and experience to be able to accept a date without a second thought, so she's probably just not there yet.[/color]

[PiroMunkie]

[size=1]I could not agree more with PoisonTongue. Rarely do I not go forward with something unless I am absolutely sure a definite good will come out of it. The only time I do not is if it deals with someone, something, or somewhere I know enough to just take a chance on. In this case, your sister does not even know the guy.

If some random girl walked up to me and told me I look nice and gave me her name and number, I would feel pretty awkward as well. However, I can bet it is a different situation for a guy to be approached by a girl, then it is a girl to be approached by a guy.

Racial stereotypes also come into play. People are going to feel uneasy interacting with a person from a different ethnicity, especially in a relationship-like situation.


Just let your sister be. She has made her decision, and that is going to be it.

This is how I would look at it. If the guy does not approach her again, then he was actually a nice guy and knows when step down. However, if he does it again, then I would assume creepy stalker-like guy.

Right now I am thinking more of the latter, but that is just because I rarely ever here of someone just walking up to a person, barely greeting them, and then giving the person their name and number. I mean, "You're really nice." ... My immediate afterthought would be "Really nice for what?"

He could have at least struck up a casual conversation, and left. Then the next time he comes in and she is there do it again, just so they can become acquainted. Then after a few times of that, give her his number or whatever. *shrugs* That would be the nice way to do it.[/size]

[Brasil]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Crimson Spider [/i]
[B]That's probably what it is. Like I said: I'm not that good with relationship advice.

But you can take it from this guys possible view: This girl, looks nice, acts nice, is polite. Maybe I should try her out. [/B][/QUOTE]

If you know that you're inadequate in dispensing relationship advice, then why, might I ask, were you trying to convince your sister of doing something, then getting annoyed when she refused? If you know that you give out **** advice, why get flustered?

And we could look at it from his P.O.V., but we're not in his P.O.V., now are we? We are concerned with your sister's feelings and trepidations. We are concerned with your sister's motivations, not the man's.

That is the dynamic of the world. No set reality, only fractured perspective. We see only what we see, and determine only what we experience. As much as the idealist in me enjoys "benefit of the doubt," we cannot always give another the benefit of the doubt.

EDIT: Just a little thing I noticed. "Try her out." You're unsure of this, too. "Try her out" is a negative connotation in dating. It signifies using someone. It might just be a typing error, or it could be a Freudian Slip.

[Guest Crimson Spider]

I guess I missed the big sign that said I was annoyed. Cuz I wasn't.

What I had meant when I said try her out was basically trying to find a girlfriends/wife, not using someone. Just lack of better wording at that moment.

[Brasil]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Crimson Spider [/i]
[B]I guess I missed the big sign that said I was annoyed. Cuz I wasn't.

What I had meant when I said try her out was basically trying to find a girlfriends/wife, not using someone. Just lack of better wording at that moment. [/B][/QUOTE]

"Why she says this I don't know. But she does, and convincing her otherwise is IMPOSSIBLE. So she's not doing a THING."

If you weren't annoyed, why ALL CAPS? Why not use italics? They're much more effective in emphasizing something.

I mean, if I were to say...

"I really don't see WHY ANYONE would do such a thing."

"I really don't see [i]why anyone[/i] would do such a thing."

See the difference? The italics represent clear thought much more easily than ALL CAPPING something. TRY IT sometime. [i]Try it[/i] sometime.

Perhaps it's because you haven't experienced the power of the English language yet that you don't see the subtleties of it.

EDIT: "Cuz"? Oh dear God. No offence, but...::shudder::

[wiccansamurai]

Maybe she's just the kind of girl who'd rather get to know a future relationship. The guy is basing everything off of looks, probably. I wouldn't like it if a guy I don't know gave me his number. But, I'm not all that good to listen to for relationship advice right now, I'm kind of in a rut.

[Guest Crimson Spider]

Using italics doesn't come to mind first. It's more of a habbit, [i]because[/i] on G-faqs, I don't know how to bold or italisize something, so I cap it. I don't even think about it when I cap something. I just do it.

I was talking about convincing her on blind date. Not the guy himself. But the least she should do is call him and tell him no instead of leaving him in the dark.

EDIT: That, and I"m half blind so I don't see italics half the time.

[wiccansamurai]

Maybe you should let your sister decide on her own love life? You can't just keep making her decisions. She'll find the right person when she wants to. You shouldn't try to hurry her.

[Transtic Nerve]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Crimson Spider [/i]
[B]She says he looks middle-eastern, and has a name to suit it. And as you may or may not have known, Christains and muslums have been against eachother for quite awhile. That's the one factor I'm really considering. But this isn't a topic about that. [/B][/QUOTE]

Then why'd you even mention it? If this is a factor in considering someone you date, then you shouldn't date at all. You should be lonely for the rest of your pathetic life.

If she wasn't considering a date then she wouldn't have questioned it. Maybe he's a nice guy. Maybe he's a wonderful guy. Maybe he wants to treat your sister like a princess, but because he's middle eastern, well god dammit, it won't work cause he's a dirty little muslim.... get a life. I can't beleieve you even considered the fact he's Muslim in this. Thats just plain ignorant. And you also don't even KNOW if he's Muslim... thats even worse.

Your sister obviously considered him... so here's some advice... tell her to go on a date. It wont hurt her to go to dinner with the guy. If she's afriad of ao one night stand, then she can go home after the dinner. If he's a jerk, she can leave in the middle of dinner.... the idea of a date is to find these things out about a person.

[Mitch]

[size=1] I have a confession to make. My penis is nervous about sexing. :rolleyes:

I think [i]anyone[/i] will be nervous about dating and its inflections. Not just your sister. I mean, we all get nervous over things. It's only human.

As for you saying that Christains and Muslims have been against each other. Again, that's only a thing called a "stereotype." Only people that are close-minded and don't see the big picture think this way. So I think that's a rather stupid assumption. Just because two people aren't of the same religion should really mean [i]nothing[/i].

I don't see why this is even a big deal. It's her choice, and frankly, I don't care what she chooses. She can choose not to date at all. Period. For all I care. It's her life and she can do what she wants with it.

If I were her I'd take the chance. Chances aren't given out too often in life, and when they come, it's good to take the initiative and see what happens. The worst thing that happens is the guy could end up being a total jerk. And so what? At least she gave it a shot.

That is about all I have to say. Honestly, I find this thread, and the slew of them, to be pointless. But that's just me, and that's also just my opinion.[/size]

[Queen Asuka]

[color=hotpink][size=1]Mitch, the last thing I want to hear about is your penis.

Now, as for the topic at hand, if it was me in that situation, I wouldn't call him. I didn't know him, had never seen him before, never talked to him. That would freak me out. Maybe if he came in more often, had some small talk, and was friendly, perhaps that would be different.

Maybe I'm just paranoid and I don't trust people? *Shrugs* It's one thing to meet someone at a social gathering and then perhaps get together again later. But this is just weird...[/color][/size]

[Mitch]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Queen Asuka [/i]
[B][color=hotpink][size=1]Mitch, the last thing I want to hear about is your penis.
[/color][/size] [/B][/QUOTE]

[size=1] Asuka, the last thing I want to hear about is you speaking of my penis. :p

It was just sarcasm, showing how inane this topic is to me. I thought it was funny, but that is just me. Who knows, perhaps you're just being a tease?

I wouldn't know.[/size]

[Queen Asuka]

[color=hotpink][size=1]Heh, I can tell you I wasn't be rude. I was just WAITING for you to respond to that. *laughs*

Also something I wanted to comment about, I just think it's so funny that the first thing you said had to do with Muslims and Christians not getting along. That sickens me. I can get along with anyone, I don't care what religion they are. Maybe YOU as a Christian can't get along with them, but don't just lump all of Christianity into that sick stereotype.[/color][/size]

[Rememberence]

is she uneasy or just plan nervous?
if she's uneasy don't let her go because trusting her instincts. this guy just goes to her and gives her a phone number...wierd...she has to be pretty and this guy wants a taste of her.
but let her trust her instincts if it turns out a disaster she learns a lesson.
but i suggest no way going with him...

[wiccansamurai]

As I've mentioned before, I would get mad if my siblings started to try to make romance decisions for my life. I would just tell them to get their own :) All joking aside, I agree with Remembrence on trusting your instincts. There are a lot of bad men/boys out there who are only looking to get in a girls pants. I'm considering putting electric fencing on all my jeans :)

[Guest Crimson Spider]

Is it just me, or does everyone here feel the need to pick apart every single thing I say and make OFF-TOPIC posts on it? Even me capitolizing something. That has NOTHING to do with this. I mean, crap man! I didn't want this to be a discussion. I wanted a 10 posts or more page, each giving their opinion on what I'm asking, not a fact that I mentioned. But NOOOOOOO. I forgot to mention this, but this would've been my sisters FIRST date ever! [i]Yes, I am capitolizing it on purpose right now.[/i] First:

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by wiccansamurai [/i]
[B]Maybe you should let your sister decide on her own love life? You can't just keep making her decisions. [/B][/QUOTE]

That's strange. It's strange because I"m not. Where you got this idea that I would make my COLLEGE sister's decisions for her is beyond me. I consented her before I made this topic, and she said go ahead. Then after about 10 posts, I told her that people said that she shouldn't do it. She agreed, and we went on our way. End of discussion.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Transtic Nerve [/i]
[B]Then why'd you even mention it?[/B][/QUOTE] Because that is the main factor that worries her. It's actually the No. 1 reason why she's nervous, or "uneasy". The reason why I said that it wasn't a discussion about religious conflicts of these 2 creeds is because people have a very bad habit of going off on stuff other than what I asked them. I thought: "Hey! Maybe if I mention it isn't a discussion about it, people wouldn't wander off about it!" but NOOOOOO! Of course not! If you talk about something that I specifically declair in MY thread as off-topic, then your all spamming!
[QUOTE][B] If this is a factor in considering someone you date, then you shouldn't date at all. You should be lonely for the rest of your pathetic life. [/B][/QUOTE] That is a very dumb thing you said right there. I tell you one thing, If I go out with a girl, and find out she's sacrificing small goats and kittens to some off-beat god, then I would be distilled. Wouldn't you? And do you think it's possible that a christian man could walk up to her and do the exact same thing? I do. But you seem to no see that. Religion is a very VERY large concern when going out with someone, especially if his possible creed has been conflicting with your own ever since they co-existed, which was about 1,500 years ago. And how do you know her life would be pathetic? FYI, she's ACING CALCULUS, is working a part time job, and graduated high-honors from our school. 4.1 GPA to be exact. And if that's pathetic, then what's not?
[QUOTE][B]
If she wasn't considering a date then she wouldn't have questioned it.
[/B][/QUOTE] She was unsure. So she seeked advice, but she had her own idea on what to do. Is that so wrong? I'm not questioning her decision. She's got good grounds to stand on.
[QUOTE][B]Maybe he's a nice guy. Maybe he's a wonderful guy. Maybe he wants to treat your sister like a princess,[/B][/QUOTE]
Maybe he's not. Maybe he's some idiot who gets drunk on the weekends and would beat her senseless just because TV wasn't good that afternoon. I said the exact same thing to her.
[QUOTE] but because he's middle eastern, well [b]god dammit[/b], it won't work cause he's a dirty little muslim.... get a life. I can't believe you even considered the fact he's Muslim in this. Thats just plain ignorant. And you also don't even KNOW if he's Muslim... thats even worse.[/QUOTE]
[b]*B* Notice how he throws these little things in just to spite me. FYI, shes a christian, and those words would NEVER cross her lips. But someone seems to refuse to see that fact.[/b]
First of all, I SAID that he MIGHT be a muslim right after she said it. I'm writing this in second person. I don't know what he looks like. I said he might not, and you should go out with him once, or atleast see him to find out. But NOOOOOOO! Someone seems to refuse to see the fact that I said he MIGHT be a muslim, nor the fact that I said she should try him out anyway. But then again: better safe than sorry. I seem to remember someone saying that if they weren't 100% sure on something when they went into it, they should have their head examined.

[QUOTE][B]Your sister obviously considered him... so here's some advice... tell her to go on a date. It wont hurt her to go to dinner with the guy. If she's afriad of a one night stand, then she can go home after the dinner. If he's a jerk, she can leave in the middle of dinner.... the idea of a date is to find these things out about a person.[/B][/QUOTE]
I did. Glad to know you took the time to read my post! Thanks a lot![/sarcasm] I said that I thought she should just go for it once, and said it. I came here to get OTHER opinions.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Mitch[/i]
As for you saying that Christains and Muslims have been against each other. Again, that's only a thing called a "stereotype."
[/QUOTE] And I guess that we've been fighting for 1,500 years isn't a factor?
[QUOTE] Only people that are close-minded and don't see the big picture think this way. So I think that's a rather stupid assumption. Just because two people aren't of the same religion should really mean nothing. [/QUOTE]
Only people that are close-minded and don't see the big picture think this way. Of course religion's a big part of the pie! Conflicting beliefs will bring NOTHING but trouble in a relationship. I'm suprised you don't see that. And you didn't see that I said she should just go for it.

[QUOTE]I don't see why this is even a big deal. It's her choice, and frankly, I don't care what she chooses. She can choose not to date at all. Period. For all I care. It's her life and she can do what she wants with it.[/QUOTE]
It's not. Like I said before: I didn't want a discussion, nor a big topic. A few words of advice. That's all. And she was unsure, so she wanted advice. I wasn't too good at it, so I went to find people who were. Oh! All the NO's!

Now I swear this was the last person I thought I would have to say something about.
[QUOTE][i] Originally posted by Queen Asuka[/i]
Also something I wanted to comment about, I just think it's so funny that the first thing you said had to do with Muslims and Christians not getting along. That sickens me. I can get along with anyone, I don't care what religion they are. Maybe YOU as a Christian can't get along with them, but don't just lump all of Christianity into that sick stereotype.[/QUOTE]
Well, last time I checked, I'm not you. When I become you, or if my sister becomes you, I'll let you know. And just because YOU don't fit into that stereotype, doesn't mean millions of others don't. And a stereotype stands if the majority of people in that group are walking involentary supporters of it. It isn't fair for some, but then again, nothing is fair to everyone.

Well, I can't, nor can Muslims and Christians, because over a millenium, we haven't been at peace. So apparently 1,500 years, that's 18,000 months, 547,875 days, and 13,149,000 hours that we have not got along. Sure, YOU may get along with people, but people may not get along with YOU. And I sure know one thing, there's a lot of people whom [b][u]I[/b][/u] don't get along with. I would gladly have this "Holy war" stop, and us all just get along, but neither side will let that happen.

*Imagines TN saying that if I didn't want this to be a debate, I wouldn't have replied*

Guess what? I DON'T LIKE TO BE SPOON-FED CRAP, ESPECIALLY FROM YOU!

[size=1]Should've made it a poll[/size]

[wiccansamurai]

Aren't you a little pissy, Crimson? We all just gave our advice and opinions. And this is what we are going to stand by. And I think I'll be the first to tell you... if you "didn't want this to be a debate" you "wouldn't have replied" After all, Otaku Boards is for discuusing things. A debate was going to happen, especially after you sealed it with your Muslim remark. I'm sorry, but I've never met a Christian that doesn't get along with Muslims. It doesn't even seem like that big of a stereotype.

[Guest Crimson Spider]

Actually, a lot of you gave assumptions on what I was doing even though I wasn't. And it wasn't exactly like all of you were too nice about it.

Well, every single christian I've met doesn't get along with Muslims. A lot simply don't care, a lot are trying to be the kind, loving, and accepting person they're expected to be, and often times can't show what they really think. These people are prone to have their services taken advantage of. Others do, and people that are the idiots they are now days say they aren't a christian for some dumb reason of which they have absolutly no understanding of, and say that they don't matter.

But to be true to the nature, we don't like the Islamic religion. The people are just fine, unless they somehow tick us off, or don't like us.

[Semjaza]

This thread has gotten way off-topic, people are jumping at other people's points with little justification and this has really debased itself into nothing more than an argument.

I'm closing it.