who out there lives a living hell?

[White Akita]

[size=1][COLOR=darkblue]does any one here feel like they have nobody that cares?teachers that harm you, siblings who've literally tried to kill you[parents too!]?have any of you ever held a loaded gun in your hands, pondering why you've chosen to live for so long?
[/COLOR] [COLOR=indigo]thats how my life is. i've had teachers whoe cussed at me and thrown me agaisnt things, sister who threw knives and glass at me, parents who have tried to suffocate me before i put them to the test, and to top it all off, i had a loaded handgun in my room and sharp knives in my closet.suicide was never an option, and i am scared for my life. i've had counseling,and i've put everyone to the test and toned them down 600 knotches, and the worst now, sister and school and grandmoter who blames me for everything.[/COLOR] [COLOR=purple]im wondering, who else out there has been through what i have, so i don't feel alone anymore?[/COLOR] [/size]

[Guest .h4ck]

kick your teachers ***, take control of your life, leave them and live with a friend. save your money and get a name change or something, and dont tell your parents.
the basic summary: take control of your life, or just ignore them, thats what i do, it doesnt accomplish anything but keeps you from some physical harm;

im sorry to hear about your situation

look at my quote: fock fear, drink beer!

o i like that little poem in under your posts :) where is it from?

[Justin]

Yep, I know exactly what you mean, bro. The only thing that kept me from putting a bullet in my mouth was God. And even after I had made peace with God, it wasn't until I wanted to be delivered from that state that I got my deliverance.

Depression(at least for me) was reassuring. At least I knew [i]someone[/i] felt sorry for me...myself. So, it was a step outside my comfort zone to get rid of it...but when I was ready, so was God. I think that that deliverance was the mortar that sealed my connection to God.

-Justin

[Radaghast]

Is that the band teacher you told me about the one giving you the crap? Tell a principal, or a counselor. They're there to take you seriously.

I don't exactly have a loaded gun in my closet, but I do have sharp model knives that I've pondered when I was depressed for a while when I started high school. The whole thing about my not having any friends, and people treating me like crap. It's that kind of thing that makes you cry yourself to sleep. Hopefully my life will turn into some kind of Cinderella story and I'll have a good group of friends that I actually hang out with. Since I've never had one friend that I can hang out with outside of school.

But we all have something that will get us out of our slump. Justin said he found comfort in god. I've never been very religous, so I found comfort in my music. Playing music, for me, zones everything out. There is also that thing about low self-esteem and eating food. I've fallen into that a few times. I feel low, so I ate suff.

But I don't think this kind of post that I'm writing right now would be the best for you. I'm(Justin also) are just trying to show you that you're not alone, and we have found ways to get through it. What we need to give you is more of that positive reinforcement that .h4ck gave. So do what he says, and stay with someone who cares deeply for you to help you get back on your feet.

[wiccansamurai]

I don't really see the point of living. We walk each day to hurt or be hurt, no one really seeing eachother for who they really are. Everyone on this Earth is suffering, immensly and each in different ways. Yet we all cling to life. I don't understand, why are we here?

I just can't seem to end my own life, though I've tried. I wish it would all just leave me alone. This all might just be my science project due tomorrow, barely started talking, though. And my stupid headache! I can't stand this anymore, hiding from that guy in band, finding out that despite what I thought, I'm not going out with Zach, a bunch of people being mad at me for unknow reasons. I'm just plain tired!

[Guest LokiofAsgard]

Isn't beleiving in god a load of **** because he created us, he should want us to feel happy, i ahte my life ive held myself at knifepoint numerous times, life sucks, im just one of those people god doesn't care care about, im gonna shoot myself now.......... i think at least, or maybe ill just drink my problems away......

[wiccansamurai]

I don't really see how drinking your problems away will work... alcohol is a depressant. I wish I had a gun... Would make things easier. But there are times I don't want to die. I just wish I had the confidence to tell my mom and dad what's wrong with me. I want help, I really do... sometimes.

[Guest LokiofAsgard]

Yeah, sometimes, same here, but when i get drunk or smoke, i don't worry about anything that's going on, so to me it's just better, ill send you a gun if you want, o and my parents are ***holes too. I can't tell them anything and my dad is off in some other state running from the cops.... you can see where that leads

[Charlie Levoy]

Lol *starts tearing up* It's funny how that within three weeks of me being depressed that there just happens to be someone asking if anyone else's life seemed like hell.

Well yeah I've been there and done that. Actually I was born into hell and didn't really start living on earth until about six years ago. My real father was an a**hole. For 7 or 8 years of my life I had to deal with him until I did something about it and then my mom divorced the jerk.

Then after those 7 or 8 years I just simply drifted through life as if I was dead. For three years I was like that and alot of my teachers seemed to always pick on me. I mean that in class my teachers treated me like a joke.

You see I told my horrible past to my oldest bf. Little did I know that she had become a blabber mouth. So she accidently blabbed my little history out to one of her classes and the whole story about me spread around the school like wild fire.

Well eventually my mom got remarried and we moved to Florida. We lived there for six years and I finally felt like I was living on earth rather than in hell. I got some really close friends and started a whole new life. Granted that I seemed to have matured a heck of alot faster than usual so I always seem older than my actual age.

However I now have moved again and for some reason I feel that I'm slowly drifting back into hell. I have found my self at the end point of a knife, but I can never actually take my own life. I think that eventually my life will get better one way or another.

I'm hoping that my depression will end when I get situated in my new surroundings. Basically what I'm saying is that yes, I do feel like I'm living in hell. I have felt like this before and I know for a fact that eventually my life will get better one way or another.

Your not alone Akita and all you have to do is wait and be paitent. If you can't wait then you need to do something about your problems so that way your life doesn't seem quite so unbearable.

Oh and when I say do something about your problems I don't mean take your gun and go shoot every single person who has maked your life a miserable hell. lol Of coarse I don't think you or any one else in this thread is that dumb to pull some kind of stunt like that.

I hope this post helps you out.

~Charlie Levoy~ :cool:

[Justin]

If believing in God were a load, I wouldn't believe in Him. If He didn't care about you, I wouldn't believe in Him. God does want you to be happy, but He can't make you happy until you let Him in your heart to do so. You have to give yourself to Him before He's able to do anything with you. But this thread is not for you to question my beliefs. My PM inbox is open if you want to do that.

Anyway, as I said, I struggled with depression. Severe depression. Yet I never killed myself. Some of you guys are listing reason for your depression that are really very silly reasons to be feeling like you do.

I'm at the point now where I see that there's nothing in life worth killing yourself for. No person, no people, no anything is worth taking your own life.

-Justin

[dark king]

i have one resolve for problems although it is temporary.
sleeping and hoping i stay that way.
i have tried to kill myself poisoning myself with a mixture of all sorts of chemical stuff like amoniac bleach and such things.
nothing happend only a fu(ked up taste in my mouth.
that`s when i realized i wasn`t done yet living.
sometimes you have to take matters in your own hands.
like indeed getting out of that place.
try child protection, sue them all, take them out legally and you will be free of them.
only cure i see is liberation, you feel the way you do because of others.
if everyone is blaming you for nothing then who is there really to blame.
not you.
legally you have better chance to be free from them, so you get a surrogate family who can catch you up and give you what you deserve, a piece of mind and some family love, even if it takes a little wile.
also change school.
i think that is the best solution.
i think when that`s over you will recover strength and will to survive again.
i hope it has been of any help.
and i don`t really know you, but nobody deserves a life you have right now.

[White Akita]

[color=red] well, i've tried everyones advise. counseling, child protectionn, police, principle, everything. i hate suicide,and i'm not saying i'm going to commit. i'm just saying i'm scared fo my life. my teachers, when they hurt meand i tell, they act like they've done nothing at all. and no one is ever around to see it. its always after class. whenever i get the chance to punch the teacher, someone always gets there before i can lay a hand. i spend my life locked willfully locked in my room,drawing and writing. the only two ways i can express myself. i only leave when nobody's around so they dont treat me relentlessly. i can't get any money, but i do go to a friends whenever i can get a lift over. they are the only people i can even CONSIDER family. my parents aren't as bad as what they used to be, but i still am alone. i've looked death straight in the sockets,but i still held on. i have no idea why. i've tried to poison my self, almost pulled the trigger on the handgun, but couldnt ever do it. i believe its some sort of omen.the poems i post, people ask all the time where they come from. i always put my feelings into the paper.[theres your answer .h4ck]same with my art. somehow, the trigger will never pull, the poison will never work if its from my own hands. what am i to do if someone else has the gun pointed at me? is that another omen? thats happened to.just take a guess who. sister of course. family doesnt like me. only a select few who can tolerate me. just TOLERATE. i go to church and i listen to the sermons. you know hard it is to go though? my mom wont let me. so i go when i can. i seek all the help i can get. thanks to you for even helping. if you knew me in person, you probably woulnt even speak to me. i'v hurt a lot of people for sake of protection.[/color]

[wiccansamurai]

[QUOTE]Anyway, as I said, I struggled with depression. Severe depression. Yet I never killed myself. Some of you guys are listing reason for your depression that are really very silly reasons to be feeling like you do.[/QUOTE]

Depression occurs when stress outweighs coping mechanisms. And don't say God is the universal coping mechanism, because that is [I]not[/I] true for all people. I know that people who believe him feel he can make your life complete, but for others, blind faith does not work. I know that people say you shouldn't kill yourself because you won't feel anything afer you're dead, but maybe that's what I want. No more struggling! I would give up all my happiness for that...

[Guest rttocs77]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by White Akita [/i]
[B][size=1][COLOR=darkblue]does any one here feel like they have nobody that cares?teachers that harm you, siblings who've literally tried to kill you[parents too!]?have any of you ever held a loaded gun in your hands, pondering why you've chosen to live for so long?
[/COLOR] [COLOR=indigo]thats how my life is. i've had teachers whoe cussed at me and thrown me agaisnt things, sister who threw knives and glass at me, parents who have tried to suffocate me before i put them to the test, and to top it all off, i had a loaded handgun in my room and sharp knives in my closet.suicide was never an option, and i am scared for my life. i've had counseling,and i've put everyone to the test and toned them down 600 knotches, and the worst now, sister and school and grandmoter who blames me for everything.[/COLOR] [COLOR=purple]im wondering, who else out there has been through what i have, so i don't feel alone anymore?[/COLOR] [/size] [/B][/QUOTE]



Dude, that's just a little creepy you are saying that. A forum as an avenue to help is probably not the most beneficial way you could go about getting help. You should probably talk to a counselor or doctor....

[White Akita]

i've tried every **** thing in the book rttocs77!read my last post and you'd figure that out.no body NOBODY will help other than here! this was my last resort! 5 schools hate me because all the rumors teachers start. the principle, the councelers, all never believe a word i say! its my parents and teachers word against mine!every one hates me...............

[wiccansamurai]

Call a hotline or email [email]jo@samaritans.org[/email] who actually listen. They don't know you but they actually care and reply. I just got a reply and they understood. It feels better just to talk to them. Whoever it was leveled with me about everything that's going on and asked me if I'd like to talk. Didn't preach, just actually listened!

[MarkM]

take a free tests at colorgenics....always helps me understand my mixed feelings....

here is the basic one:[URL=http://www.colorgenics.com/index.cfm?pageview=test_8cube]Here[/URL]

[Ryu_Sakura]

i know what you mean i was abused and still am, by my teachers (menatl) and my parents (mantal and physical). i've tried every thing, and i have knives hidden all over my room so nomatter where i am i can find one. and i carry a dagger around at school, no one but me knows about, and well you people who read this. but you cant possibly go to my school. its and upereclass twon filled with drunk teens and ****. ya know?

[dark king]

if you can have the principal and the teachers together and call their bluff.
it`s risky of believing in you.
but you can be cunning.
if you can get them to listen then let them give their lies.
but the truth can not be hidden if you act correctly.
i you monitor your teachers, put up a camera in the class or whear a mic.
you can single handed cover them up.
you spend much time in your room.
you have internet.
time and resources that can help you.
or to think up ideas to secretly dig their pitt to fall in.
if you try those sorts of things, ofcourse make no traces that lead to you.
or try this on your teachers.
you know tea bags.
you open one up by the little staple, add some ingredients that make them real sick.
those kinds of things.
if legal is ineffective than make sure you are the one to hold your fate.
and if i knew you in person, if you where mean to me your eyes would tell me a part of the story.
you can`t be a bad person, your not a bad person.
i can tell off your writing.
your more desperate.
again you feel this way because of others.
make friends try it at least, it can be a relief and so you gather people around you.
and the gossip? **** it.
or you could try a trick someone i know did.
he had a sortly situation but then only with his stepfather.
he faked mental illness, he pretended to be insane.
so he was placed out of house.
for 2 years untill he was 18 he "recovered" and split and started his life again, with a clean record.
and is happy.
but that is verry hard to do.
but it is an option although you can reject it because you have to act real silly, and you must be able to maintain it.
oh and if your parents try to get rid of you again then you can pull the trigger in selfdefence and i mean only in selfdefence.
or just point and call the police.
just think about those things and learn from them.
but hang in there, and never give up life, they may have taken your peace of mind, but not your will and spirit.

[Guest rttocs77]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by White Akita [/i]
[B]i've tried every **** thing in the book rttocs77!read my last post and you'd figure that out.no body NOBODY will help other than here! this was my last resort! 5 schools hate me because all the rumors teachers start. the principle, the councelers, all never believe a word i say! its my parents and teachers word against mine!every one hates me............... [/B][/QUOTE]

Do you mean 'principal'? Principle is an adjective.

What have you been doing for teachers to spread rumors? If they were spreading rumors, they wouldn't have randomly decided to do it.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

Akita? How old are you in the first place? If you're like 18 or something you could probably join the military and get a whole new living hell. Drill seargents will help you with that.
All joking aside tho. I moved back home on Saturday and into another Hell completely.
My brother and my dad have never gotten along and things have just gotten worse over the years. My dad comes down every night when my brother comes home from his girl friend's house and starts yelling at him and my brother thinks about moving into his car. There are other things entirely, but I'm not allowed to talk about it.
My mom gets caught in the middle of it. Once she tried to talk to my grandma (My dad's mom) about the whole thing and tried to get some support. My grandma said that she should try to be a good Christian wife and support her husband. In other words-abandon her son completely. I don't know about everyone else's religion (except for Justin's :) ), but[ [i]that[/i] comment didn't sound all that Christian to me.

[White Akita]

i havent done anything is the point. i am one of the good kids there, and they dont like me. if they had their way, i wouldnt be in that school.i'm not even old enough to leave home and live on my own. i've got to wait a few years. not many though. the teachers favor students and one of the least liked is me. they hang on thier "pets" word. not mine. my siblings and parents dont help much either. they always belive the teachers because their older then me. i can only think of 4 teachers in my life that would ever stick up for me. the PRINCIPAL wasn't always one of them.




thanks to you all who have/are trying to help.

[Japan]

I feel like the whole world is mad at me right now at this very moment. I am mad at this world. If it weren't for God, Charles, James, and Tori, I would kill myself right now. I just been teased all my life, and I feel that I am not wanted around when I am talking to my online friends, except those mentioned above. It is even worse when I am with my friends at school.

[Megumi]

...Bah. I don't believe in whining about your problems to strangers.

[wiccansamurai]

I respect your beliefs. On the other hand, it feels good to talk to people who have an unbiased opinion of you. Its better to unload on strangers sometimes.