Writing Married With Children

[Charles]

Here's a very [i]very[/i] rough draft of a paper I'm doing on situational comedy. So, please excuse it if it's a bit choppy or underdeveloped. I've chosen, obviously, [i]Married With Children[/i] as the topic.

When I overhaul it, I'll probably smooth out the writing and include more material to back up my opinion regarding the show. For now, this is what I have:


The honeymoon is over. We?re past the bullshit escapism ushered in by the sitcoms mom would?ve wanted us to watch. Take back the naïve wholesomeness offered by [i]The Brady Bunch[/i] and [i]The Cosby Show[/i]-- [i]we ain?t buyin?[/i]. That?s right. S?matter of fact, their sugary aftertastes are so sweet, so downright sickening, one can only assume their artificial formulas inspired the creation of the equally revolting Jello Puddin? pop. Yeah, Bill Cosby couldn?t pedal that one on us either.

Ultimately, if realistic, frank and hard-hitting sitcoms such as [i]Married With Children[/i] hadn?t risen from the ashes of [i]All in the Family[/i], couch potatoes [i]not[/i] looking to get diabetes from watching television would have probably been forced to withdrawal their collective hands from the general crotch area of their pants and impale themselves on white picket fences in idealistic Connecticut neighborhoods. Why? Well, God only knows that would have been less painful than suffering through eight seasons of [i]Who?s the Boss[/i].

[i]Married with Children[/i] enjoyed the unique distinction of being both as crude and appealing as the word ?fuck.? Think about it, it?s true. The show took the fundamental premise of an American sitcom and turned it right on its ear. Oh sure, we have a balanced family: a man living with his wife, sleeping in the same bed. As the title of the show implies, she?s even managed to pop out a couple children, both her husband?s, a boy and girl combination no less! Hell, they even have a family dog and a Dodge. That?s American! That?s middle class! That?s the family next door. Ah, and therein lies the catch. They?re together, sure. They?re a family, yes. They?re everyday people living a modest life in suburban Chicago. But ah-[i]ha[/i], [i]Family Matters[/i] this ain?t, Carl. They live in complete disharmony. Chaos to be sure. The main cast of characters is the zit-riddled nose on the face of American life. An unruly white trash family marked by sex, failure, and indifference. Just like us, but funny.

The sitcom revolves around a minimum wage women?s shoe salesman, Al Bundy (Ed O?Neil), and his family (?The Bundy Bunch.? No? Okay.)--all borne out of every negative stereotype imaginable. One could say they?re politically incorrect, even because well, they?re politically incorrect. If there was a Pandora?s box of ?politically incorrect? they would be its contents.
Al hasn?t seen a good day since his four touchdowns-in-a- single-high-school-football-game triumph of 1966. His happiness has receded faster than his hairline. He hates to have sex with his wife, Peggy (Katey Sagal) and rarely eats because she never cooks. The consummate gentleman that he is, he enjoys sheathing his hand in the relative comfort of his pants while watching sports and hates women who bother him--especially fat ones. And for good reason too. How many episodes have we seen where a grotesquely overweight, slovenly lovely would force Al to cram her hoof (as he would call it) into a shoe several sizes too small? Exactly. To keep himself from going insane, he spends an inordinate amount of time on the toilet. Which, is ironic considering that?s where his life went.

In short, Al?s bitter and opinionated, a defeated, balding, jaundice-colored sweat stained shell of his former self. The parallel opposite of the loving father who always knows best. There are no episodes where he delivers sage-like advice to his children set to sappy background music to speak of. It?s obvious he?s not married with children. He?s, say it through clinched jaw and grinding teeth--married--with children.

The rest of the Bundy family are as wholesome as apple pie in the hands of sex-starved teenagers. Peggy is a make-up clad nympho creature of the couch who wears white trash fashion with stilettos and tight pants. Thus, she waddles like a big red penguin. Her voice is a nasal squawk, a constant plea for sex or money. Despite the lack of income earned by the family, she refuses to work (the word isn?t even in her massive vocabulary) or even perform household chores for that matter. Unless of course, one counts the salad she makes in the opening credits before each show. The one with the cigarette butt in it. Mmmm. Instead, she opts to lounge about on the couch and watch talk shows all day while stuffing her face with bonbons. To her credit, she never gets fat and manages to sustain her puffy hair in a never-changing stasis. So, Peggy manages to be quite the inspiration to the female audience in that respect. She keeps herself well.

The siblings, Kelly and Bud are polar opposites and often take advantage of one another?s vulnerabilities. Kelly has many boyfriends, often at the same time. She?s the stereotypical blonde bimbo who lives at home with no realistic goals in mind. Bud, on the other hand, is obsessed with sex despite his unsuccessful approach with girls. Consequently, he masturbates frequently and enjoys the company of a blow-up doll in his room. His most useful asset to the show is providing a comedic target for the family who never squelch their opinions on his pathetic sex life. As the show progresses, he eventually creates an alter persona that no doubt influenced Eminem?s Slim Shady gimmick. We?re talking about the ultra cool GrandMaster B. He?s the same as Bud, but he wears a backwards baseball cap. And Bud?s the smart one of the family. Yeah. Tragic.

So, here?s this family--all flawed, forever marred with mediocrity, none the perfect example of how we want to live. They don?t get along all the time, their conditions are less than admirable and they stick out like a sore thumb in comparison to their politically correct neighbors. Their lives are dominated by failure. Yet, they stay together and continue with life. They keep pushin? on like their broken down Dodge because ?Bundys are losers, not quitters.?

Sound the red alarm bells. There?s the draw of the show. Sometimes in the process of tolerating life, they manage to demonstrate a genuine affection for one another that lets the audience know they?re a family. Despite Al abhorring sexual relations with his wife, we know that he would never cheat on her. He even turned Vanna White down when given the opportunity to make the biggest score of his life since his high school football career for Christ?s sake.

Likewise, Peggy, despite being flirtatious with handsome young men, would never cheat on Al. Throughout the course of the show, we?ll see other similarly loving gestures, such as Al affectionately referring to his daughter as ?pumkin?? and beating up the sleazy men she brings to the house. There?s a unity here, like the crew of a sinking ship without a life boat. Instead of feeding one another to the sharks, they settle for strangling one another. The end result is a group of people who, logically speaking, shouldn?t be able to bring one another happiness, shouldn?t be together on the same planet let alone under the same roof and wouldn?t be together if it were not for the common bond of family ties. The realistic, hard-hitting message--that a true family will stick by one another despite differences and hard times is just something one can?t and won?t find in lesser shows where everyone automatically gets along in one magic world of make-believe. Al said it best: "Love, hate, look, we're a family, what's the difference?"

[KarmaOfChaos]

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Lol, quite unique Charles. You take an interesting standpoint on 'the sitcom.' And I have to agree with you, those sickly sweet shows of family morals don't exist in reality, no one ever has one of those 'family temper tantrums' where five minutes later everyone apologizes and da de de da de dum, everything's hunky dory.

People aren't perfect, and they weren't meant to be. So it stands to reason that a show that is much more in touch with reality is going to last a lot longer, because a far greater number of people can relate to it.

I thought it was well-written and had a great focus. I'd like to see more of your work. ^-^

-Karma
PS: Lovely avatar. * snicker *
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