Writing Lionball X (not a really good title, but the story is kick butt!

[Skitto]

Lionball
X

You may know about Goku's great great grandson, Goku Jr., yet what you do not know about is after his early childhood years (as he appears in the last episodes of Dragonball GT). Goku Jr. had the same innocence in his heart and the same love of life as Goku did, yet Goku Jr. surpassed his great great grandfather considerably. When Goku Jr. was about 10 he found that there are other levels that he could go to since he was less than 1/4 saiyan. He found the levels of SH - Super Human. Though not as large a power jump as going between Super Saiyan levels, they made up for that in how many there were, yet Goku Jr. did not know that as he only got to about SH 3 and quit because he thought they were too weak.
In his teen years he obtained Super Saiyan 3 and trained at it until adulthood to be able to move fluidly and be able to control the power.
In his adulthood Goku Jr. became the first saiyan ever to reach their full potential. He found that his full potential, though only slightly stronger than his highest accomplishable super saiyan level (Mystic Saiyan SSJ3) changed his look as if it were another transformation of supersaiyan. While at this ?level? he found that he could move through dimensions instantly just by thought of a number (1 would be our own dimension) and thinking about what he was trying to travel through dimensions. Once in dimension 2 he got really tired because he was at his full potential for too long but since there was no such thing as a sensu bean in that dimension, he could not rejuvenate fast enough and only was fully rejuvenated after 3 years had passed and he had gotten a wife and made a family. After that he didn?t want to go back. In this dimension there are no dragonballs, yet there were lionballs which summoned the Lion Everlasting (who?s name is Lo) who can grant wishes just like the Eternal Dragon (Shenron), other than that, this dimension is the same as dimension 1. 141 years have passed and this is the time at which this story begins.

Binnibar saga

The saga begins at the apartment of Kirai, son of Goku Jr.
Kirai is now really old and is the only saiyan other than Pan that has never gone super saiyan, his grandson Tyr and granddaughter Fira live with him because their parents died fighting a mysterious and nameless evil. This evil was so strong that it accidentally blew up the special dimension they were fighting in to avoid destruction of any people. So now Kirai has raised his son?s kids Tyr and Fira since they were 8 years old (well Tyr was, Fira was 4). But this story is really about Tyr so I?ll shut up about his grandpa.
At Kirai house, it is time for Tyr to get home from working at the local hardware store. ?Where?s Tyr gone to this time, I bet he went to his girlfriends house again, what a horndog?, said Fira, irritated, ?It?s his turn to cook dinner and I?m not cooking again!? ?Oh I guess we could order pizza!? shouted a thin voice from behind a bedroom door. ?Oh grandpa you always have to see the stupid side of things don?t you!? Fira shouted back at him, ?I do love you but sometimes you make me wonder why you aren?t in an insane asylum with all the insanely stupid stuff you say?. ?Ain?t I silly though?? replied Kirai, ?Oh shut up.? Fira groaned.
They were interrupted by Tyr as he came home with a cheery ?I?m home and I got pizzas!?

?Oh, now you come home!?
?Huh??
?Where were you??
?I was out getting the pizzas. Where did you think I would be on my day to make dinner??
?You always find some way to avoid it don?t you?
?Ya got me there.?
?Ha ha ha ha?
?Why do you always have to act like you are my wife all the time? You?re my sister, not my wife.?

Fira didn?t answer, she just put her head in her hands then pulled it out again ?I just don?t know, that is a habit I have to get rid of, or I need to get married so I?ll have a reason to do that.? She said ?But I need to find the right guy for me.? ?So.? Tyr cut in trying to change the subject before the pizza got cold ?Let?s eat, I?m starved!? he finished. Soon the pizza was gone except for a few bits of cheese on the inside of the box, but little did Tyr, Fira, and Kirai know that far off miles and miles away, a new threat was lurking in the dark ready to destroy all civilization.
The next day, Tyr woke up to an earthquake, so he ignored it because the apartment complex was built to withstand up to a 8 point earthquake without barely wavering. But when his stuff began falling off the shelves or tables they were on was when he got worried. He quickly flew through the house to get Fira and his grandpa because it was to tilted to walk. Soon they were outside, Fira and Tyr flying outside with Kirai on Tyr?s back to see their home being destroyed. But by what or whom they did not know until they landed to see a white haired (yet not old) man blasting the side and yelling ?Come out Tyr you coward!?
?What do you want and why are you destroying our home!? yelled Tyr as he let his grandpa off of his back and on to the ground, ?So, you finally emerge? the mystery man said finally ?WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!? Tyr repeated, more urgency in his voice this time ?Just you? said the man ?Just you?, ?But since you will no doubt be wondering? he said as Tyr?s home collapsed onto a nearby park that luckily had no people in it because it was too early and it was closed. ?How I know your name? he finished ?But I will not tell you unless you fight me!?. ?Alright, I will. But don?t kill anymore people!? ?Alright, let?s go then? Tyr finished as he got into his fighting stance ?Fira, take grandpa to somewhere safe while I fight this man.? ?But.? Fira started ?No buts, just go!? Tyr said, ?I don?t want you to get hurt!? Fira took one last glance at Tyr before she took Kirai and flew off to find somewhere isolated and safe ?Good luck, Tyr.? She whispered as she went.
?Where were we?? Said the mystery man, still standing upright ?Ah, yes, I promised to tell you how I knew your name didn?t I? I am Binnibar, and I have been watching you Tyr, you see, I am your little brother.? ?Impossible? Tyr stated ?My brother Kairo was killed by the same evil that killed my parents before they went into dimension 2.5, he died while I was at school.? ?No Tyr. That was a lie thought up by your grandpa Kirai so that you would not know the truth, his real name wasn?t even Kairo, it was Binnibar, I was not killed. I was infected with the darkness at the age of 5 and mom and dad sent me away so that I would not hurt anyone as I got older. To prove to you that I am really who I say I am.? He said as he pulled up his white T-shirt to reveal a scar over his chest. ?Oh my god!? said Tyr ?That is the same scar my brother had, he got it from falling out of a tree once.? ?Yes.? Binnibar said as he let down his shirt ?I am your brother. But enough of this family reunion.? He got into fighting stance as Tyr remembered that he had gotten out of his while talking to him and did the same.
?Lets do it. But before we do.? Said Binnibar ?Lets power up to our highest level.? ?Alright? Said Tyr and he quickly attained SH (super human) 2 with ease as Binnibar watched. The air around Tyr was disturbed and rushed upward and turned green as Tyr?s hair turned a lightish green and stood on end, his muscles bulked up and he was finished. ?Hah! You can only gain super human 2! I have been training for so long that I can go to SH 5? said Binnibar, and laughed and transformed into a SH 5, his hair turned black and white and stood on end, his muscles bulked up more than Tyr?s had and he was done. ?Obviously you haven?t been watching me for long? Tyr said, ?Because I am not done yet? soon Tyr was powering up again. His hair turned gold and silver, then blue and longer, then black and white, then blue, white and black and longer, then his hair returned to its original length and turned orange. His muscles bulked up lots more, and the aura around him had turned from green to orange as he transformed, and he was done.
?Ah, SH 7, I guess I?ll have to revert to super saiyan levels,? Binnibar said as he transformed into a super saiyan. For some reason he became very noticeably stronger. ?In this form I am equal to Goku Jr. at SSJ 3, you see, I would be stronger but my body can?t handle the strain of my own power so I have to have a barrier to protect me from the force? Binnibar said.
?This is childish, let?s just stop talking and just fight!? exclaimed Tyr. So the fight began, Tyr started by kicking Binnibar in the side, which he blocked then Binnibar tried to hit Tyr?s face. But Tyr dodged it and then hit Binnibar with enough force to make him waver for long enough time to catch him in a headlock from which he got out of. ?You have increased in strength much more than I had predicted you could have? said Binnibar.
"STOP TALKING AND FIGHT!!!" Tyr yelled, annoyed, "Just shut up and fight!

[color=red] More Lionball X coming soon [/color]

[b][color=red]I'll piss me off royal if anyone copies this story! This is my story written by me so don't even think about copying it![/color][/b]

[DeadSeraphim]

This is... odd. I'm not saying it's bad, just odd. It gets a little confusing with all the SH transformations but other than that it's actually pretty good. You forget to mention the other saiyan that never achieved Super-Saiyan hood however. Whatever happened to Bra? Vegeta's daughter. Unless I'm gravely mistaken she never achieves Super Saiyan either. Anyway, all up its a good tale.

[Skitto]

Thanks Rando, you know I've been working on this for about, what, 4 weeks, and I am open to editing suggestions or suggestions about the things that will happen next in the story.

Just so ya know.

[Charles]

First of all, one word posts are not allowed, Box Hoy. It's spam and I'm going to delete it. What makes it worse is that the word isn't even spelled correctly. lol

Please read our rules. ^_^;;

The same goes for you, Skitto.

We don't allow double posting or the upload of erroneous images.

If you two visit our OtakuBoards Information Center, it'd be just delightful. :)

Either that, or I'll be forced to write my own story--and it ends with members that neglected to read the rules being banned. :(

[Skitto]

What post was one word?
I am totally confused. What thread are you talking about erroneous pictures?

[Semjaza]

Box Hoy had a post in here that was deleted.

[Skitto]

COULD SOMEONE JUST POST AND TALK ABOUT MY STORY INSTEAD OF CRITISIZING THE POSTING!
I really hate this right now, I just posted this thread to see what people thought about my story!

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=1]Calm down now. There's no need to shout. It was the middle of the week before. The serious posting gets done now for me. So I'll have a look at your story, although I must warn you that IU've never seen and Dragonball or...anything to do with it. So this response will be purely literature-related/grammar related.

First of all, I have a request of you. When you post, please keep a line of space between paragraphs. Simply indenting is fine for word, but it doesn't work here, so we need the space to be able to see better and to concentrate. It becomes hard on the eyes when we can only see a big clump. [I say this to most people, because I try to look at everyone's work, but it is hard to read without the spaces.]

There should be a new line for each new speaker. So, for instance, [i]?It?s his turn to cook dinner and I?m not cooking again!? ?Oh I guess we could order pizza!?[/i] becomes [i] ?It?s his turn to cook dinner and I?m not cooking again!?

?Oh I guess we could order pizza!? [/i]. Just pointing that out.


I think the problem I have in this story is that it doesn't follow what I'vealways been told is the golden rule in writing; [i]Show, not tell[/i]. For instance, instead of saying, [i]Kirai is now really old[/i], you can say [i]Kirai groaned with his old bones as he stood up, calling out to his grandchildren, Tyr and Fira. They had lost their parents...[/i] and so on.

At the moment, the story is more of an explanation than a story, if you get what I mean. What I suggest you do is try to write in past tense for a while [present tense is very hard if you're just beginning] and describe what's happening rather than just telling us.

It's a good idea, though. I think it will turn out to be a great story. So do some revision and such, and you'll be fine. [/size]