Writing Any Suggestions?

[Motfati]

[size=1] This is my [size=2] copyrighted [/size] poem and I was just wondering what you all thought of it, what your idea on what it means is and um...any suggestions to make it better or edit it with a better word!


The door slams shut on the horizon
And it seems so far away
All the feelings from deep inside left
That you thought were there to stay
But then dawns on you a new day
And you'll look up towards the sky
With nothing there but confusion
A tear glimmering in your eye
You'll throw your hands up in fustration
But you'll walk away with pride
You'll smile at the people
Who stand there as you pass by
Your feelings are so special
Each and every one unique
And now that tear has met its end
And is running slowly down your cheek
You'll wipe away that tear with dignity
But you'll be afraid to say why it was there
Now you look at that horizon
And you'll find that it is bare
Everyone has left you
You're now on your own time
And all those things you've worked for
Are finally starting to shine
You'll turn back with one sad, tiny glance
And your heart will seem to wizen
But you'll turn around and keep on walking
To that the door on the horizon

Anyway...uh...*looks around at all the people with blank expressions* *runs away* [/size]

[island gurl]

Wow. what a great poem. I love the way you wrote it in second person, you don't see many examples of that. I don't have any suggestions because I'm totally in love with your poem!

Not that this has anything to do with it but I love you're siggie too! lol

[Drix D'Zanth]

I don't want to seem rude, but your poem is fairly uninspired, in my opinion. It's full of the esoteric "everything is special and unique" that it doesn't really have a point. I suppose it serves it's purpose, but I think you should continue delving into your abilities to write something truely unique and facinating.

As for the mechanics, I like how you tried to rhyme most of the time. Sometimes you wouldn't rhyme, and other times it appeared as though there was a definate scheme. Nextly, the poem seemed to have a nice flow until you started adding syllables. Try to smooth those out with different diction.

Overall, I could only judge this poem based upon how old you are and how long you've been writing. Otherwise, keep writing, you show great potential.