anime_guy Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Well, right now I kinda wanna die.. So I wrote this poem: [I]I want to die, Take a big fall And just end it all. I'm in so much trouble, It seems to double every day My grades, my relationship, What next? I don't know... I wish some one.... Would just end it all... *bang* Thank you...whoever.... you.... are... (falls dead)[/I] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amity Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 That's depressing...Why would you write a poem of death though? When I got your PM about it I didn't know what you felt, but then you said it was your talent but I still don't know. What is it trying to tell the reader? You're good at depression poems, or you want to commit suicide? I don't know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anime_guy Posted December 14, 2003 Author Share Posted December 14, 2003 Well, I'm saying "right now, my life sucks" and " can depress you all and there's nothing you can do about it" Well, I geuss I'll try and think up another good depresstion poem.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amity Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Thank you for clearifying that up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinken Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I wrote a death poem too, but not the same kind of thing, I guess (I meant it in the old samurai fashion). But I think this one's kinda funny, in a morbid sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anime_guy Posted December 18, 2003 Author Share Posted December 18, 2003 Thanks ^_^ I have to think up another morbid, depressing/goth poem... I'm pretty good at writing those I geuss ^_^ Oh, and this is off-topic, but I like that "frisbee seppuku"^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesus Chicken Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 [color=blue]The language you're using just makes it a bit too shallow to be quite believable. Which is a pity as everyone feels like this some time in their life, so people would be able to relate to a work of this topic. I'm not sure of your intentions though, perhaps you ment for it to be so obvious. But the falls dead bit is something I don't like. It adds a childish feel to it, and ruins the mood you have attempted to set up. Oh well, my thoughts.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kris roby Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 I liked the poem. but i do agree with Jesus Chicken that the falls dead bit seems to add a very childish apperence to your poem. but other than that i thought it was very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 [color=gray]Well yeah, a 'little' bit on the depressive side heh. The poem sounded nice, but the bang and falls dead part doesnt really fit in... [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anime_guy Posted December 19, 2003 Author Share Posted December 19, 2003 Yeah, I know taht part was kinda wierd... Well, It's pretty good for my first poem [I]ever[/I] ^_^ I'm trying to tihnk of another one soon... My next one will be better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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