Writing The Art of Dying

[Guest TheFameof_Dying]

The Art of Dying

I am the man, The man of Blood
Shunned by all, Forsaken....
I died once, I died twice,
Yet I rise like the mighty Phoenix,
High I fly on my Drug hi.
Smashing pumpkins, Marilyn Manson
William Scott and Sue Johanson
Sexy sinners take their day,
Wreck the ball and crash the play
Were all just puppets without hearts,
?Til wee master the Dying arts,
The Art of death, It's Death, as art.
Break away, as lovers part
Sickness, Madness let me free
Blow my mind. White, Super nova
Nebula love me, Hate me
Damn me break me! Sick lust
Sick lust, So leave the lights on
Baby come to bed, Suck.... It all sucks
Death is our only home,
Children cry like little Bats, Thrown into the sun.
People die, Like little ants, Molested by a boot
Under my skin and in my eyes, Every man?s hated,
Till he dies, Dead and cold
Till his grave will then unfold
If we want to get anywhere...
We must master.
The Art of Dying

------Fame :angel:

[Hayate]

I liked it it has a meaning unlike some stuff
i've read by people who were close to depression not that i saying you are but i liked it just watch the spelling and youre good oh and use commas they may not look like much but they go a long way towards giving your poem flow

[wiccansamurai]

It was pretty good, but you have to go back and proof read some of it.

It flowed really well, up to this point:

[QUOTE]Children cry like little Bats, Thrown into the sun.
People die, Like little ants, Molested by a boot
Under my skin and in my eyes, Every man's Hated,
Till he dies, Dead and cold
Till his grave will then unfold
If we want to get anywhere.....
We must master.
The Art of Dying
[/QUOTE]

I'd fix that.

[QUOTE]Shunned by all, Forsaken....[/QUOTE]

That also made me lose the sense of flow a bit.

[QUOTE]I liked it it has a meaning unlike some stuff
i've read by people who were close to depression not that i saying you are but i liked it just watch the spelling and youre good oh and use commas they may not look like much but they go a long way towards giving your poem flow[/QUOTE]

I have never written that long of a review, whilst only capitalizing once, and without a single comma or period. O.o