Writing Arraign

[Corey]

[color=#003333][size=1]I'm not quite sure when I wrote this, but I'm almost completely sure it was after I broke up with my girlfriend of almost six months.

[b]Arraign[/b]
[i]O' diluted destruction of dominant minds-[/i]
[i]How strong a single pellet [/i]
[i]on the scale of life can be.[/i]
[i]Tipping the blind scales of sanity [/i]
[i]in either direction is simple.[/i]
[i]A contemplation of sincerest selfloathing[/i]
[i]endears the heart with thoughts of things lost.[/i]

[i]The beautiful wildflower in a meadow of monotonous marigolds [/i]
[i]slips through your fingers as easily as sleep overcomes the tired...[/i]

[i]...as life is stolen in the blink of a blade...[/i]

[i]...as meaning is lost from the poetic lines of a masterpiece...[/i]

[i]And you are left, longing for the scent of the rare flower.[/i]
[i]Yearning for the entrancing sight, for the inspiring presence.[/i]
[i]Substitution is fleeting.[/i]
[i]Like the grip of some wonderful drug,[/i]
[i]your mind fixates on the image and memories of the lost,[/i]
[i]only to assure this is what has been.[/i]


[i]And never will be again.[/i][/size][/color]

[Dagger]

KotR, this is a beautifully written poem, and I really enjoyed reading it.

[QUOTE][color=003333][size=1][i]O' diluted destruction of dominant minds-
How strong a single pellet
on the scale of life can be.
Tipping the blind scales of sanity
in either direction is simple.
A contemplation of sincerest selfloathing[/i][/size][/color][/quote]

The imagery here is simply exceptional. The word "blind" seems to have several shades of meaning; when I first read the line that contains it, I thought of an impassive, blindfolded judge--in other words, I believed that it described the "scales of sanity" as being impartial to suffering. But "blind" also implies that human rationale (sanity) stumbles about in the darkness, easily misled and without a direction or guiding purpose.

Since "selfloathing" is normally spelled with a hyphen, I assume that you intentionally merged its two parts. This brought to mind the biblical term "lovingkindness" (often seen in certain sections of the Old Testament), except that "selfloathing" is practically this word's polar opposite, which creates a delicious sense of irony.

[quote][color=003333][size=1][i]endears the heart with thoughts of things lost.

The beautiful wildflower in a meadow of monotonous marigolds
slips through your fingers as easily as sleep overcomes the tired...

...as life is stolen in the blink of a blade...[/i][/size[/color][/quote]

"as life is stolen in the blink of a blade" is a very powerful line. Unlike many plays on words, it has a meaning all its own--not only does "blade" replace "eye," but also makes one think of a knife flashing briefly before the fatal thrust.

[quote][color=003333][size=1][i]"...as meaning is lost from the poetic lines of a masterpiece...

And you are left, longing for the scent of the rare flower.
Yearning for the entrancing sight, for the inspiring presence.
Substitution is fleeting.
Like the grip of some wonderful drug,
your mind fixates on the image and memories of the lost,
only to assure this is what has been.


And never will be again.[/i][/size][/color][/QUOTE]

The poem comes to a satisfying, albeit bittersweet, conclusion. Throughout its body, every phrase flows smoothly to the next. This was a true pleasure to read.

~Dagger~

[Baron Samedi]

I can not hope to compete with Dagger's marvellous work in opening up and reviewing this poem, but I may add my little thoughts on the poem.

I particularly love the title. Arraign. Accuse.

What exactly happened with your breakup? Who dumped whom? What for? Because the title of it alone points the finger at someone.

I didn't like the 'sincerest' part of it though. Perhaps "A contemplation of most sincere selfloathing" or "selfloathing most sincere" would better fit it.

I loved the last stanza/verse. It sings to me of precious memories and good times, the rare beauty that can be found in a loved one, the inner beauty. It then moves to 'rebounds' with the "Substitution is fleeting." line. Rebounds are never serious, and often leave one longing for the original embrace.

I loved it. Great work. You can see that you put your heart and soul into this poem. It literally flows with grief.

A very touching piece.

[Corey]

[size=1][color=003333]Flows with grief. Yeah, it does doesn't it. :)
To answer your question Mr. Samedi, my ex-girlfriend cheated on my one weekend when I was constantly busy and could not be contacted.
For some reason, I blamed myself for the first month or so. Then a friend told me to get my head out of my ass and I did.
I broke up with her, but supposedly, it was a mutual decision. I kind of figured, dispite my best attempts and deepest hopes, that we were over.
The worst part? I think she might be dating the guy. But it doesn't concern me anymore.

Dagger, you hit the nail on the head with every single point. I can't quite believe you looked into my head so well.
'Selfloathing' wasn't purposely spelt like that (I actually considered using two seperate, and different, words) but I wanted to keep with the slight alliteration. And I'm not a big fan of the hyphen. *shrug*

After I wrote it and read it over several times, I was confused as to which meaning of 'blind scales of sanity' I meant. I came to the conclusion that it was both. Double-meaning (hyphen, lol) if you will.

Thankyou for the praise. :)[/size][/color]