Writing "Tomorrow . . ." [very short story]

[Dagger]

It's interesting how time passes much faster when you're writing than when you're studying. Anyway, this short story/piece/thing is what came out of my procrastination.



[center][b]"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow"[/b][/center]

You see the sun through the darkness and divisions of your hand. Your fingers outspread to shield light-dazzled eyes, you step back and then back again. This is what happens when you stumble too suddenly from a shadowed hallway, pressing your hip against the door's metal bar, and birth yourself from womb to fire-bright world. It's summer, but the thought of trembling flames reminds you that this heat is little different from the warmth cast by candlelight, or perhaps a fresh-lit bonfire.

Your family's fireplace cradles only false wood and violet light (gas-ignited air? You were never strong in science), so you may not have much basis for comparison, unless the sun shafting past your eyelids pierces through to memories of an older, truer house. Yes, you know the one. A sentimental child--you cried when your parents tried to sell it, and smeared your blanket on the floor whenever it grew clean. Now you wonder, what was so reassuring about the scent of dust and ancient dirt?

Maybe sunlight can illuminate forgotten thoughts. You see it spill through taut-stretched fingers and burn their edges red. Human skin is such a fragile thing: scrape it and it tears, slice it and the blood beneath leaks forth. You close your hand, holding the tendons tense. As you'd learned in childhood, your palm grows swiftly warm and the scarlet glow seeps through--a line between each tight-pressed digit, bleeding onto a bit of the surrounding skin.

By now you understand this light, the strength of the sinking sun. It's a last gasping breath, a fierce heart convulsing to its very end. Feel the life spread through your veins and let the hand fall from your face. Dark and bright combine in day's red-tinged fall from grace.


_____________________________________

As always, my heartfelt thanks to anyone who comments. ^_^

~Dagger~

[Baron Samedi]

Wow. I loved the descriptiveness in this story. You did excellently, the imagery of the scene, and allusions to a past life were excellently done. It was... quite strange. Something about the way it was written seemed really strange to me. It was a good piece however. You described it all really well, and I am very impressed by it.

[quote]pressing your hip against the door's metal bar,[/quote]

I didn't really like that part. The door's metal bar? What is this? I just didn't like that particular sentence. Aside from that, good work.

[Dagger]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Baron Samedi [/i]
Wow. I loved the descriptiveness in this story. You did excellently, the imagery of the scene, and allusions to a past life were excellently done. It was... quite strange. Something about the way it was written seemed really strange to me. It was a good piece however. You described it all really well, and I am very impressed by it.[/quote]

Thanks for replying! I'm glad that you liked it. ^_^

I think the story's sense of "strangeness" probably stems from the fact that I wrote it in the second person (with a little bit of imperative thrown in towards the end). I knew that it would end up being fairly short, and so decided to experiment with using unusual tenses, since it's a bit taxing to write lengthy pieces in anything but the first person or third person point-of-view.

[quote]I didn't really like that part. The door's metal bar? What is this? I just didn't like that particular sentence. Aside from that, good work.[/QUOTE]

Heh, yeah, I couldn't quite think of how to describe that. I was visualizing someone emerging from a large public library--the kind with double doors which open via horizontal metal bars that sort of click inwards as you push them. I'm glad you mentioned that part, though, because I was dubious as to whether or not it would make sense.

This piece was largely inspired by Shakespeare's Macbeth, which I've been re-reading in order to prepare for my English exam. So I made an effort to incorporate some of Macbeth's motifs, although the story itself takes place in a modern setting.

~Dagger~

[DeadSeraphim]

This is awesome. Plain and simple. Great description, reminds me of the Vampire Chronicles for some reason.