Parental Discord

[GreenEyedDragon]

[color=green]
Okay, so recently i was talking with my parents at the dinner table about how i might possibly be able to get a hardship.

The circumstances: my sister is going to be at college next year, and my brother has been accepted for a foreign exchange program in japan.

Well, about a month ago, when the subject came up, my mom seemed to be sticking up for me (i.e. my father said i was too young, and my mom said that 14 was actually the youngest age that you can get a hardship) but apparently not, because the other night she was horrible. We got into a huge fight and all they seem to want to do is pay one of my friend's brothers to drive me to school, but he has other obligations, too! Plus, my sister is the one who grocery shops and cooks around here, so i could grocery shop, too. As if they have the time. My mom hired maids to clean our house because she hasn't the time for it, so where did all of this magical time to grocery shop come from?!

Anyways, if you don't know how my family is, you may think i'm being immature because i didn't get what i wanted, when i wanted it, with full love and support--but if you think that, you're wrong. My parents are the type of people who were raised well enough to know not to beat a child, and they're both lawyers, so they know all of the consequences. but they really weren't meant to be parents.

For example, one year i went to church camp and we were given time and stamps to write our parents (more required) and so i wrote my mother about how i wanted to change our relationship, to where we could be friends...not a dictator/slave sort of nice in public relationship...but i found it lying on our mail table opened when i got home, and she never did anything or mentioned it to me in any way. My father was a 1st captain in the marines, and he is use to having 'orders' followed to a tee, the second he announces them. He gets VERY angry if they're not. One time, my sister started to yell back at my mom, and he threw her against the wall. That is about the closest we've gotten to being beaten though...it was just scary.

so tell me if you've had similar experiences, or just give me advice. right now, i'm not really speaking with them, without necessity...so just let me know what you think.
[/color]

[Corey]

[color=003333][size=1]Yeah, it might be easier if I knew what a hardship was...

But anyway, I've had basically the same experiances as you. I've never been beaten, but I have provoked my father to the point that I was roughly shoved into a wall.
My parents are great parents. And they are meant to be with child.
Ummm... I have nothing more to say until I know what a harship is.[/color][/size]

[GreenEyedDragon]

a hardship is a driver's license given to otherwise underage citizens that are in a, well, hardship.

In my case, i have two working parents unable to get me to and back from school (due to late hours), and i'm unable to use public transportation due to the fact that i'm carrying a trombone-sized $10,000 instrument (bass clarinet, most people don't know what it is, so i gave you an example of its size) to and from school.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=violet]I have one word for you: CARPOOL.
See if your friend's parents will drive you to school, or maybe suck it up and take the bus.
Yes, I'm a bit blunt, but atleast I didn't tell you to walk.
BTW-I thought hardship refered to the type of leave the military gives out when you have a death or a problem in the family.[/color]

[Carr]

[color=tomato] [size=1] I know about parental problems. A lot about parental problems. I have never lived in a happy home. My parents always fight, and I seem to get in the middle of it. Nothing I do can please my dad, and my mom won't let me grow up. I could elaborate, but I don't want to, just understand that I KNOW about family problems.


So, is the problem that your parent's won't let you grow up? That could be because you are the youngest. I had that same thing happen to me except I'm the oldest, so their excuse was, "We are just figuring things out." I had my temporary lisence for a year and a half before I got my drivers licence. I'm 18 and they still make me call before I do anything. I still have a midnight or earlier cerfew.
I'm not exactly how to solve the problem, or else I would've done it by now. But you can show them you're responsible. I've gained bits of freedom by having the busiest schedule known to man, staying on top of school work and holding a part time job.

As for the letter, I don't know what to tell ya. It seems a bit rotten in the state of Dallas.(excuse my pun) Maybe she got the letter the day before you got home, or maybe it made her feel uncomfortable or guilty when she read it, so she didn't bring it up. I've painted several paintings for my dad. He says he loves them, yet they stay in a box, in the basement. Now, if he loves them so much, why do they stay hidden?

I don't know. I'm sorry about the rambling.
I wish you good luck[/size] [/color]

[Corey]

[color=003333][size=1]What a coincedence, I was thinking about learning the Bass Clarinet. Tenor sax is beginning to bore me a bit.
I bet it would be a great Jazz instrument. ;)

What an interesting idea... I've never heard of something like a hardship before. Hmmm....
Well, I guess that all you could do is hope that this hardship thing pulls through. Or take Chibi's advice and take the bus. I'm sure Dallas has public transportation of some kind.[/size][/color]

[eleanor]

[size=1] [What's a hardship?! O_o]

Well, you could always take the bus...it's a good way of transportation to school if there's no other way. Just try and sit down with your parents and really talk to them in getting this...hardship..thingy.

But you're right, some adults just weren't meant to be parents. I know two people [one my friend] whos fathers are both in the Marines and their mothers are working ones that usually have no time to many things. I could relate as well, since my father is a buisnessman who has absolutely no open feelings and my mother is never at home. But don't mistake 'beating' with 'child abuse'. You can't report your parents unless their beatings leave you with a mark such as a bruise or scar. Most parents really do care, so they don't try to make your head crack open and bleed to death. Most child abuse sprouts from parents that are unstable. I've gotten 'beaten' plenty of time [yes, it hurts.], but it was just punishment. I really have two opinions on it. Half of the time, it doesn't work and the kid just becomes deathly afraid of their parents, or they actually compute in their minds that they shouldn't do bad things. *ponders* Most kids don't even report their parents if they do give them marks. *is way off-topic* Ah, being a teenager and not receiving fret of the American mother. :p [and I'm not even white.]

In ways, it made me more resposible since I usually finish up the housework and food-making for myself. You learn to manage yourself and deal with personal problems by yourself and become quite independent.[/size]

[GreenEyedDragon]

unforutnately, it seems once you read the first post, you don't read through the rest of the thread. I replied to a question of what a hardship was and also why i [I]couldn't[/I] take public transportation in a later response to questions that provoked my explanation.

i suppose you who don't read through threads won't even see this, but if you do, stop ignoring what has been said. Not only do repsonses get redundant, but questions that have been cleared up keep repeating....not to sound nit-picky, its just easier on people who are looking for important advice.

I cannot stress how most of you do not understand, though. Please do not make a light matter of this. If you don't think you know what i'm going through, please do not reply.

[SasukeUchiha]

I can relate to you I have had many hardships with my parents and with life in general as I am sure we all have. I am not sure the drivers licence situation is neccesarily a hardship. Its more of a you wnat something and your parents do not wnat you to have it.

I do not know you or your parents, I assume that maybe your parents worry about you, even if you may think the opposite it true. Maybe they are just scared of you getting a drivers license and being out on the road.... Or maybe your parents are like mine and they just dont want you using the car.

Try to actually sit them both down and talk to them, and once again if your family is anything like mine than something like that just doesnt happen lol, but normally if you do that and take it seriously enough you may make some progress with them.

Hope I made sense a lil' ^^

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo]If your parents were invalid then I could [i]maybe[/i] understand them allowing you to get your hardship license, but that doesn?t seem the case. It also seems that they can make other arrangements for you and your instrument to arrive at school, regardless if it suits you or not.

As far as the rest of your problem, I am not sure what your parents are really like but from reading your posts it seems like the biggest problem is that you think your parents are a bit strict. Tough. Some parents are strict, some people are strict, it seems as though they are putting food on your table, providing you with shelter, and aren?t beating the crap out of you. Like every fourteen year old, you make yourself out to be a victim. I really don?t have any advice for you except that you should quit letting it bother you, if you continue to want more than you are going to get you are bound to grow up bitter.[/color]

[Japan]

I once was in a similar boat as you. My brother went to college, my sister is going to college as well in February. My mom complaining about me spending so much time on the computer, and my dad complaing that I don't ever clean the whole house, and me getting a 'B' in Japanese.
My advice to you is to try and make the best of this hard time, and do exactly as your parents say. That way, they'll lay off you a bit. It may be a bit hard, but it will help you in the long run. I used to have a terrible realationship with my mom. After trying to do everything that she wants to do throughout Christmas vacation, I am starting to enjoy my time with my mom more. Just try and patch things with your parents. It can't happen just over night. You need to work at it a little at a time and eventually things will start turning around for the better. Trust me.

[eleanor]

[size=1][QUOTE][i]Originally posted by GreenEyedDragon [/i]
[B]unforutnately, it seems once you read the first post, you don't read through the rest of the thread. I replied to a question of what a hardship was and also why i [I]couldn't[/I] take public transportation in a later response to questions that provoked my explanation.

i suppose you who don't read through threads won't even see this, but if you do, stop ignoring what has been said. Not only do repsonses get redundant, but questions that have been cleared up keep repeating....not to sound nit-picky, its just easier on people who are looking for important advice.

I cannot stress how most of you do not understand, though. Please do not make a light matter of this. If you don't think you know what i'm going through, please do not reply. [/B][/QUOTE]

^_^;; Very sorry about that. I'm not trying to make a light matter, though. I take my cello, along with it's hard case, on the bus if I need to get it to school. You can make arrangements with the bus driver if need be. Maybe your school's rules are somewhat different, or it might work. *shrugs* If your bus doesn't have a lot of students, it might work out. My sister is allowed to be taken by car, but my mom says she doesn't have time to take me as well, and the high school is much closer to our house. That way, she can just drop my sister off and go off to work. It's rather annoying, but you can deal with it if the plan works.[/size]

[island gurl]

I do understand family troubles. My mum is passive impassive. Se is all sweetness and light in public but she actually hates me and would rather have any other child, which she makes clear almost everyday. We always fight and I end up with severe punishments. She also doesn't want me to grow up at all. She treats my little sister with such care - yet she doesn't give a damn about me and actually tries her hardest to make me feel miserable. I try to connect with her, buy her presents and do things for her so that she may love me more.

At the same time she can be the most lovely, caring gorgeous mother ever when she wants to be. She can flick in and out of "bad moods" whenever. I don't really understnad it. She shows her love in material ways. She always buys me things and send me on holidays. Does your parents do that? Maybe they have a different way of showing their love too? I think she is like this because she has had a hard life and so she takes it out on me, her eldest child.

I still really love my mum.

[Hybrid Theory]

Awww that really sucks....I have really never had hardships with my parents...only little ones but I dont really want to share them.

And I think I can kind of get an idea of what you are feeling, even though I would have never felt anything like what you are feeling...

Well about the licence, if it is up to your parents whether or not you get the licence, I think that there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to get it, as long as you drive and you have a vehicle to use to drive with, then I think that your parents should understand and let you get the licence...and if not then I really don't know what to say....execpt this :D heheh

[Terpischore]

[color=blue][size=1]Alex, I know your parents, i've spoken with them some-what, and also based by what you've told me about them, i see what you're going through. Maybe they don't realize the situation at hand. If Trey really is going to Japan then you'll be the only one left, and if Miranda is doing all of the grocery shopping and cooking, then your mother will either have to do all of the things that Miranda did or let you have the hardship and you can do it. Maybe once everything gets going next year, she'll see that she does need you to know how to drive and she'll let you get the hardship.[/color][/size]

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=violet]This is going to sound like a really dumb question, but are your parents originally from the southern United States? I know, dumb question, but hear me out.
There was this saying about the southern gentleman which seems to fit your father-iron fist in a velvet glove. One of my friends from OK has a father like that, but there's no velvet glove. His mother just went along with whatever his dad said. Is your mom like that?
Okay, new subject in this reply:
Do you have any friends you could move in with? That's what a few of my friends have ended up doing in that situation. My husband actually lived with his aunt, his older brother some ppl in VA, and a baptist preacher (not at the same time mind you) while he was growing up. Hell, his dad went into re-hab and for one reason or another his mom thought she didn't have to work so was going to make him live on the street with her and one of his aunts took him in. He had his own place by the time he was 17.
I've never really had too much of a problem with my parents until my dad went all control freak a few weeks ago and tried to get involved in my marriage. My mom's not too thrilled with the fact that I've decided to convert to Wicca and not go to church, but I'm slowly changing that-hell, by July she may actally read The Complete Idiot's Guide to Witchcraft and Wicca.
My brother is another story-My dad absolutely hates him-the feeling's mutual but I think they may be comming around. My grandma once told my mom that he needed an exocist-at the age of 3!
So maybe you should try to move in with someone if that is an option-or tough it out for 3 more years and have your father sign an early release form so you can join the military at 17. You said he's an ex-Marine, so he'd probably do that.[/color]