RPG OtakuBoards and the Holy OtakuBot [rated PG-13 for language and suggestive themes]

[Shinmaru]

Well, I'm finally starting up the RPG, heh. The start to this has been a slightly bumpy road, but all for a good cause. I'm looking forward to seeing what develops in the RPG ^_^

Just one note for this...when you add posts, I'd like you to first post a message saying that you have called this spot in the RPG and that you will edit your post into this spot. However, I ask that you not do this unless you know for a fact that you will have enough time to make your post.

Just so everyone knows, here is the list of people in the RPG. Only these people may post:

Shinmaru, DeathBug, Manic, Sara, Ben, Annie, KnightOfTheRose and Heaven's Cloud

And now...without further adieu...

[b]Prologue: OtakuBoards and the Holy OtakuBot[/b]

[size=1][deep narrative British accent]We must all go on a journey at least once in our lives...what that journey entails is unknown to us. However, a certain man by the name of King Shinny will embark on a journey that will test his skills and change his entire outlook on life...[/deep narrative British accent]

"Would you shut up and stop giving away the story?!" a deep-voiced, whiny British guy yelled. "I paid ten pounds to see this movie and I'll damned if I have some crackpot narrator give away the entire story!"

[deep narrative British accent]...terribly sorry. Anyway, King Shinny would go on a journey that would change him forever...[/deep narrative British accent][/size]

[size=5]OtakuBoards and the Holy OtakuBot![/size]

[size=1]A lone figure emerges from a blanket of fog that is enveloping the countryside. As we all know, Great Britan is stereotypically foggy, which is why people make fun of it, even though we've never been there and could never really know if it is this foggy. Anyway, the shadowy figure walks slowly, slighty stooped over due to some slight exhaustion. This man was [silly British accent] King Shinmaru John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt III esq [/silly British accent] more commonly called King Shinny...or, rather, just Shinny since he was no longer king. Shinny's fall from the throne was very well documented as the news appeared in several British tabloids mere seconds after King Shinny was exiled from the Holy Otaku Kingdom.

We now join Shinny as he is about to talk to himself in a long, whiny rant, after finishing up a day of hard crap scooping...

"I can't believe I've been reduced to this..." Shinny whispered to himself in a deranged tone. "I was on top of the world! I was king! I was king of the world!" He raised his hands into the air as if to emphasize this point. "Then the people banished me for some reason! I mean, who cares if there was widespread famine and the economy was a bucket of shit?! It would've gotten better eventually!"

Shinny continued to walk in a straight line, with his head slightly bent, ignoring all the people he was bumping into. He was a jerk like that, you know.

"And the worst part is that I had a scepter! And it was shiny! Yet they took it from me! Why did they take my shiny scepter?! Did they really hate me that much?!"

A deep, booming voice that seemingly echoed in all directions gave Shinny a simple answer: "Yes."

Shinny looked around nervously, not knowing whether or not this was a side effect from scooping crap all day.

"Uh...who's there?" Shinny asked.

"Follow the path of the wolf and you shall see..." the voice said mysteriously.

"The path of the wolf? What the hell are you talking about?" No sooner than Shinny had uttered those words, a pack of wolves came running at him from behind. "Oh, for the love of God..." Shinny muttered because bolting off like R. Kelly to a Middle School prom [rimshot]. The pack of wolves gave chase and got in several nips before Shinny led them to a secluded forest.

"Jeez, what else could go wrong?!" Shinny yelled before tripping over a conveniently placed rock. "Wow, this is just fantastic," Shinny muttered. The wolves surrounded Shinny in a tight circle before going in for the kill. Several wolves chomped at the bit, eager to satisfy their hunger by eating poor Shinny for lunch. Some of the other wolves had already begun to attack and Shinny had several scratches and bites all over his body. He curled up in the fetal position, certain that he was doomed, when bright white light flowed all over the forest and the mysterious booming voice from earlier shouted at the wolves.

"Hey! I didn't give you orders to eat him! Get the hell out of here!" The wolves, apparently very frightened by this voice, scampered off into other areas of the forest. Shinny, who was still very dazed from the attack, looked out in several directions at once.

"Who are you?! Where are you?! Why are you here?!" Shinny yelled.

"Jeeze, I only talked to you two weeks ago and you've already forgotten who I am?"

"...yeah."

The mysterious voice let out an audible sigh. "You're such an idiot."

"That's not very nice," Shinny said with a frown. The mysterious voice ignored this comment.

"I'll make it simple for you...I am God!"

"...I don't believe you. You're hiding somewhere, I know it!"

"SILENCE!" The voice roared, whilst shocking Shinny with a well-placed lightning bolt. Shinny fell to the ground, twitching. "Do you believe me now?"

"Yes," Shinny croaked, still twitching uncontrollably.

"Good," God said with an implied nod of His head. "I'm here to give you an offer of redemption..."

"Redemption?"

"Is there an echo in here? Yes, redemption, you fool."

"Redemption for what?"

"...for being exiled from the Holy Kingdom."

"Oh yeah. That."

"...you've been complaining about it for the past couple of weeks! How could you forget about it just now?!"

"Eh...I do that sometimes."

"Right. Moving on...I am ordering you to go on a holy quest of the highest caliber."

"Ooh, this should be fun!"

"NO! IT WON'T BE FUN! IT WILL BE EXTREMELY GRUELING AND WILL TEST THE LIMITS OF YOUR VERY BEING! But other than that, it will be quite exciting."

"...right," Shinny said. He suddenly took an interest in a very fascinating speckled rock while God went on explaining what the holy quest exactly entailed. God finally finished his long speech and Shinny became quite bored with the rock and hadn't heard a thing He said.

"So...why hasn't anyone else taken on this mission thing? I mean, you have to be pretty desperate if you're going after me," Shinny said.

"Who cares why anyone else hasn't taken on the mission, you jackass?! I'm trying to save your damned soul here!" God roared.

"...fine, I'll go on the damned stupid holy adventure thingy. But I won't like it."

"Good...then I shall be going," God replied before disappearing in a flash of overly bright white light.

"Good God, I'm blinded!" Shinny's pupils expanded to the size of dinner plates before finally shrinking back to their normal size. "Jeez...I didn't even hear what He wanted me to go get..." Shinny tried to remember if anything he had would be considered holy...and suddenly, it came to him!

"Yes! That gold-plated OtakuBot coffee holder I keep by my bedside!" Shinny yelled triumphantly, with his index finger raised into the air. "That's the most holy thing that I know of!"

And so, Shinny embarked upon his holy adventure, not knowing where the hell he was going, or even if the Holy OtakuBot was even missing from his castle. But I suppose we'll have to assume that it's missing, since this story would be extremely boring if the Holy OtakuBot was just sitting by Shinny's bed. The people waved goodbye to their beloved pooper-scooper as he dissappeared one last time into the thick, grey fog.[/size]

[Annie]

[color=indigo][i][size=1][inaudible Australian accent][b]"So, I 'ard that[/b] [silly British accent][b]King Shinmaru John Jacob dangleheimlich shit, or whatever[/b][/silly British accent][b] is on a 'oly mission........quest.....theng,"[/b][/inaudible Australian accent]a tired townsperson wavered their hand, flinging poo onto Sir Annsie's boot.

[b]"Okay, who flung poo? Honestly, who throws poo?"[/b] Sir Annsie kicks and wiggles her foot.

[inaudible Australian accent][b]"Owh, Sir Annsie! F'give me,"[/b][/inaudible Australian accent] the person started to bow, more poo splattered over Sir Annsie's face and shiny breast plate.

[b]"STOP IT YOU FOOL![/b]*shakes fist*[b].......Man, I just had this buffed..Oh, go back to your disgusting...crap!"[/b] Sir Annsie griped and scraped the chunks from her armor and face. The townsperson scampered away.

[b]"Wait..what were you saying about a [/b][silly British accent][b] King Shinmaru John Jacob dingleheimlich shit[/b] [/silly British accent][b]?"[/b] Sir Annsie set her leather bag down.

[inaudible Australian accent][b]"I said, 'e be out on a 'oly mission..quest..theng..Se'posedly sent by God 'imself,"[/b][/inaudible Australian accent] the townsperson nodded and pointed his finger as-a-matter-of-factly.

Sir Annsie scratched her chin curiously, [b]"Which way did he go, sir?"[/b]

[inaudible Australian accent][b]"Owh, 'e 'eaded off to tha no'th. And, I'um not a 'sir'....I'um a womun. See,"[/b][/inaudible Australian accent] the now revealed woman opened her robes to prove her most filthy woman-ness.

[b]"Ma'am, please! Robe yourself!"[/b] Sir Annsie averted her eyes in terror.

The woman did as she was told and went back to her work of scooping poo. Sir Annsie quickly picked up her bag and tall shovel and scurried off. She stepped in a steaming pile and stopped to furiously sliding her foot along the dew-covered grass. She threw down her shovel and back.

[b]"Son of a-"[/b][/size]

[center][size=2]*elevator music*[b]CENSORED[/size][/b][size=1]-We will return to your daily program in a few moments. Please stand by.*cut on elevator music*[/center][/color][/size][/i]

[Corey]

[color=003333][size=1][b]Richard-[/b] "Ni!! Ni!! Ni!!" Richard chanted Ni! as the helpless man cowered in fear. "Ni!! Ni!!"

[b]Random Man-[/b] "No! Don't! It burns us!" The man coughs up a gold ring. Richard looks at him for a moment then slaps him.

[b]Richard-[/b] "Wrong movie you bloody idiot. Go next door. Ni!!"

[b]Random Man that in actuality is Golem-[/b] "Oh, very sorry. cheerio." Richard shook his head and examined the ruined potted plant.

[b]Richard-[/b] "Why can't I just find a good shrubbery?" He looked down and saw a white light. "What the Ni!?"

[b]??-[/b] "Richard! I am Rod! God's younger brother thats not quite as wise as him."

[b]Richard-[/b] "Are you here to tell me about a shrubbery that I'm going to go find?" Richard turned around. Someone was holding a flashlight above his head and shining it down.

[b]??-[/b] "Hahahaha... I've gotten like three people with that bit today."

[b]Richard-[/b] "Ni!!" The man dropped dead. "Bastard..." He walked down a road. Going nowhere in particular. Looking for plants. Trying to control his volatile temper that usually ended up with a dead by Ni!.[/size][/color]

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo]Meanwhile?

A dirty man in a freshly cleaned white shirt scurried through the woods. Pirouetting and leaping, he nimbly avoided brambles, tree branches and an unsightly mud puddle.

?Mon Dieu!? the man exclaimed in horribly exaggerated French accent, ?why must British woods be so filthy? I don?t remember the woods in France being this dirty. If I have to keep dodging all this muck and goo I will never escape those overacting buffoons chasing me.?

Those overacting buffoons were comprised of nearly a hundred men, all of whom wanted to tear the scrawny, beak nosed man limb from limb. While none of them possessed more than a flicker of intelligence the men did have just cause to be upset with the grimy Frenchman; he did have affairs with all of their wives?and we all know that a Frenchman likes nothing more to than to have dirty, filthy sex with lonely housewives.

The man paused in a dark secluded part of the forest; he could feel the rumbling mass approaching. Searching for a quick escape, the man scanned the area; the only hiding place was a moss ridden immense oak tree. Spewing a stream of curse words in French so profane that I dare not repeat them, the man took off his shirt, neatly folded it and stuck it in his small bag. With monkey like swiftness, the grimy Frenchman ascended forty feet up the tree.

Below, the troupe of men came to a halt at the moss ridden tree. They stopped and conversed for a minute and then the majority of the group moved through the woods. Five stragglers remained behind and began setting up camp below the Frenchman.

The man swore under his breath, and strained to hear what the men were saying.

??anyway, it was at that moment I walked into my house and saw the bugger on top of my wife,? one of the men exclaimed. ?I think he must have bewitched her because she was groaning in an odd way, a way I ?ave never heard her groan before.?

?My daughter was groaning to,? another man said. ?I?ve bedded her a dozen times and never heard her groan in that manner.?

?You bedded your daughter?? the first man questioned as he pounded a tent stake into the ground.

?Err, uh, of course I never bedded my daughter, what kind of sick pervert beds their own daughter,? the man choked. ?You misunderstood me, I never heard her groan like that while she was in bed sleeping?yeah that?s it.?

?Well that?s good,? the third man chided in. ?Bedding you kin is a very serious sin.?

?What?re you? A preacher or sumthin?? the second man spat.
?Well, yes I am actually,? the third man replied.

?Forgive me father,? the mortified second man moaned. ?I had no idea. Forgive me for asking but why are you here? You can?t have a wife or a daughter of your own.?

?Nay child,? the Priest said. ?His holiness the Pope long ago forbade priests to have intercourse. Nonetheless, I stumbled upon him bewitching one of my flock, a young, nubile lad barely eleven. When I saw that dirty Frenchman tapping the ass that had so long made my loins burn with an uncontrollable desire I knew that God wanted me to punish him.?

?Did you say your loins burn father?? the first man asked. ?I know a wonderful chemist that makes a cream that??

?It was a metaphor you nincompoop!? the priest interrupted. ?How about you young sir, what did this nefarious Frenchman do to you??

The forth man looked at the priest. ?Well, he didn?t do me as bad as bad as he did you fellows, I mean he didn?t bed my wife, daughter, nor sleep with my boy toy. No nothing like that, actually I caught him raping a donkey.?

?A donkey?? the priest gasped mystified.

?A donkey,? the man confirmed.

?I caught him sleeping with my donkey too!? the fifth man chided. ?Of course he was also bedding my wife, my daughter, and my eleven year altar boy son that spent way too much time with the local priest. I swear I?m gonna kill that man!?

?You lying sack of filth!? an outrageous French accent bellowed from above. ?I didn?t sleep with your daughter!? The Frenchman cupped his mouth, cursing his own stupidity.

?Hey, who said that?? the first man shouted to no one in particular.

?I think it came from up there,? the priest stated, pointing at a humongous tree branch.

?We have you now Frenchy!? the fourth man exclaimed, gathering with the other five men beneath the branch. The dirty, shirtless man had nowhere to go.

Divine fortune smiled upon the Frenchman that day, for the huge tree limb broke under his weight at that very moment crushing and killing three of the four men. The Frenchman rolled off stunned, but unscathed. Unfortunately, the remaining two men were had surrounded him, one in front, one behind.

The grimy man tore the huge rusty sword off his back and lifted it over his head in an attempt to fight off the man in front of him. The sword was too heavy, however, and it caused him to topple backwards, slicing the priest behind him in two. The Frenchman leapt to his feet prepared to fend off an attack but his would be assailant just gawked at him dumbfounded.

?You just killed a priest!? the fifth man (who was chasing the Frenchman for bedding his wife, son, and donkey, but [i]not[/i] his daughter) exclaimed.

?Oh, yes. Sorry about that,? the grimy, shirtless man said as he vainly attempted to remove the sword from the priests body.

?You are a monster!? the fifth man screamed. He turned to flee from the Frenchman, unfortunately he was not watching where he was going and he hit his head on a tree limb. The fifth man somersaulted backwards and fell to the ground unconscious.

The Frenchman looked puzzled for a moment, then reached into his bag and removed his clean white shirt. When he put it on he noticed a small red smudge.

?I have such rotten luck? the Frenchman spat as ventured deeper into the forest.[/color]

[Shinmaru]

[size=1]Shinny slowly drudged himself out of the forest. The bites and scratches he had obtained from the wolves had begun to heal, though he knew that the crippling diseases they had given him probably wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. Alas, this was the curse of the Middle Ages...or something.

"Jeez, if I get bit by another wolf with the Black Plague, I will kill someone before keeling over and dying," Shinny whispered to himself. "If I have to die, I am so taking someone with me."

Shinny continued to take the long walk through several foggy fields and hills. Somehow, he managed to spot a small town in the distance...of course, in the English weather, a distance equates to about two feet away. Shinny stepped inside of the town and the fog magically disappeared. Don't ask me how, for I can not begin to explains the wonders of magic and English weather.

"God...this is such a boring town," Shinny remarked to himself. "Nothing but dead bodies everywhere." Of course, since this was the time of the Black Plague, this was to be expected, but Shinny was never the brightest bulb in the box, you see. He continued walking through the town while a man with a wheelbarrow went from house to house picking up the dead bodies.

"Well, this is interesting," Shinny said as he approached a simple shop. He walked inside and went up to the owner shop. "What sort of shop is this, pray tell?"

"Duzzn't anywon reed ze signs anymoor?!" the owner shouted in a thick Scottish accent.

"Oh God..." Shinny thought. "A Scotsman...just what I needed..."

"Nah, I'm just pullin' yer leg, I'm not really a Scot," the shop owner said.

"Then what was with the accent...?"

"I like playing with people's minds."

"...yeah. So, what do you sell here?"

"Well, we sell patsies here."

"Patsies?"

"Yes, you know, guys who do all your work for you while you take all the glory?"

"Ah yes, a bit-"

"No. A patsy."

"Fine, a patsy. Jeez. So, what kind of patsies do you sell here, anyway?"

The shop owner snapped his fingers and a tall, elegant looking gentleman stepped out into the room. He was dressed in full royal mithril armor, carried a silver platter in one hand and a mint in the other.

"Your mint, sir?" the patsy offered. Shinny declined because he thought his breath was nice, the fool.

"This is James," the shop owner said. "He is our #1 patsy. He graduated with a full degree from the English School of Patsy Arts and Sciences, number one in his class."

"Uh...how much is he?" Shinny asked. The shop owner whispered a price in Shinny's ear and he nearly had a heart attack. "Are you kidding me?! I can't afford that!"

"Well, then, you won't be getting James," the shop owner said.

"Uh...what do you have for 2 pounds?" Shinny asked.

The shop owner snapped his fingers again. A short figure limped his way into the room.

"This is Jeebes, he's a hunchback with a lazy eye and a slight, if noticable, limp. I found him in the back rummaging through my collection of dead bodies and put him to work."

"Uh...I'll take him," Shinny said. He paid the two pounds and took off with his brand new patsy. Who knows what cool adventures they'll have? Not me...seriously.[/size]

[Annie]

[color=indigo][size=1]Ah, so glad you can join us once more. Now, where were we......[i]

[b]"Son of a puss-licking, ass-munching, gang-banging, donkie-raping, hill billy bitch!!!"[/b] Sir Annsie picked the chunks of crap off of her boot with a small weeding hoe.[/i]

Yes, yes, I believe this is where we left off. Please excuse Sir Annsie's temper..[i]

[b]"Ugh, disgusting filth!"[/b] Sir Annsie climbs the incredibly, and many, steep hills of the English countryside.

The hills seemed neverending! Once Sir Annsie descended..er, rather rolled down, the side of a hill, she found herself climbing another. Sir Annsie is now atop of one of these monstronsterous hills, holding her weak body up with her spaded shovel. She gazed over the country only to look over a see of dense, thick fog.

[b]"Impossible muck,"[/b] Sir Annsie growled.

Standing up, the shovel's blade slipped on a slippery rock that was slippery because of the slippery-ness of the slippery rock that was slippery because of the slippery-ness of the slippery English weather.......yes, that's it. Continuing, due to the shovel losing grip, Sir Annsie found herself tumbling mercilessly down the rocky side of the tretcherous hillside, cursing all the way down.

[b]"*#)@^*^% !!!!!!!!!!!"[/b] Sir Annsie struggles to stand up, beating her shovel on the tree trunk.

Once she calmed down, Sir Annsie limped through an abundent forrest. Groaning and wincing, bleeding from wounds on her forehead, arms, and legs. A shuffle in the forrest, Sir Annsie's eyes darted about. The noise continued, growing closer and faster. Sir Annsie reached into her leather sack and pulled out her squirt gun filled with poisonous weed killer! *dun, dun, dun music*

[b]"Come out, ya pansy!"[/b] Sir Annsie whirled around, aiming the squirt gun.

[b]"Ni!"[/b] a high-pitched chirp echoed through the forrest.

[b]"Agh! No, not the 'ni'! Please!"[/b] Sir Annsie dropped to her knees and held the back of her hands to her ears.

[b]"You make shrubberies, ni?"[/b] the voice seemed to come from all around.

[b]"Yes, yes I do. Who asks?"[/b] Sir Annsie climbed to her feet.

[b]"I.....am Richard of The Order of The Knights that until formerly said Ni,"[/b] he stepped out of the woods and towered above Sir Annsie.

Sir Annsie stepped back a few feet, backing into a tree trunk. Richard approached her, with that cloak of his, it seemed as if he floated above the ground. He stopped feet away, Sir Annsie scrunched down.

[b]"I demand a shrubbery, ni. A nice one, not too full, but not too cheeky. I don't have much money, so it can't be too expensive, ni. Can you build me one?"[/b] Richard tucked his cloak under his arms, revealing a pair of hideous, hairy appendages known as legs....in this case, they looked more like a cat's scratching post.

[b]"Uhhh..yeah, I can do that...What plants would you like?"[/b] Sir Annsie brushed herself off.[/color][/size][/i]

[Corey]

[color=003333][size=1][b]Richard-[/b] "I demand! A shrubbery!"

[b]Annsie-[/b] ".....................I know. What kind? How will it look?" He looked around, slightly confused.

[b]Richard-[/b] "Not too large... Not extremely gaudy either. Three tiers. A nice full green tinge. Maybe a slight amount of primroses. A few berry bushes too."

[b]Annsie-[/b] "Well... Ok, i guess I coul-"

[b]Richard-[/b] "Ni!!" Sir Annsie cringed.

[b]Annsie-[/b] "What the hell was that for?"

[b]Richard-[/b] "I forgot to end my sentence with Ni!, Ni!."

[b]Annsie-[/b] "What?"

[b]Richard-[/b] "It's a tradition to end your sentence with Ni!, Ni!"

[b]Annsie-[/b] "Ok, whatever."[/size][/color]

[Annie]

[color=indigo][i][size=1]*weird techno intro music* *fade into crickets, rustling bushes, a sweet, melodic buzzing and goring of a chainsaw*

[b]"Um..okay, whatever,"[/b] Sir Annsie stared up at this knight with annoyance.

[b]"Come now, we don't have time to dwadle....Ni!!"[/b] Richard burst out as he hurriedly hugged himself.

Sir Annsie quirked an eyebrow and stepped back a few feet. Richard began to shiver.

[b]"N-n-ni......Did you feel that?"[/b] Richard's eyes darted about as he leaned down to whisper.

[b]"Dude, you are really creepin' me out,"[/b] Sir Annsie picked up her shovel and clutched it closely.

[b]"Ni..it felt...it felt like a chilly winter's breeze, washing over my bare naked body. You didn't see anything, ni?"[/b] Richard stood full height and turned around.

[b]"You know what...I forgot a few important tools to make this quite detailed shrubbery you ask for. So...I'm just gonna..."[/b] Sir Annsie slowly stepped to the side and started down the trail.

[b]"NNNNIIIII!!!!"[/b] Richard's voice boomed through the forrest.

Sir Annsie screamed out and fell to her knees, clutching her ears. Richard's high-pitched "Ni" continued on as if it had been minutes. Animals of the forrest scurried about, Sir Annsie pleaded, a figure dropped from the tree onto Sir Annsie.

[b]"Oooof! What the..."[/b] Sir Annsie struggled to shove this person off of her.

[b]"Ni?"[/b] Richard approached.

[b]"Oh, dear me. Excuse me,"[/b] the man climbed from Sir Annsie and bolted off into the forrest, dodging and swerving trees, looking over his shoulder periodically...until he rammed smack into a tree.

Both Sir Annsie and Richard winced.

[b]"Who was that, ni?"[/b] Richard tilted his head. His sharp movements reminded Sir Annsie of a bird looking around frantically for the prawling cat.

[b]"He looked kind of like.....a Dragon Warrior by the name of Gavynn...."[/b] Sir Annsie scratched her cheek and furred her eyebrows.

[b]"This Gavynn fellow...he was..quite sexy..ni.."[/b] Richard smacked his lips lightly and stared after the now wobbling Gavynn.

[b]"Uh huh...right, you can go after that "sexy" man. But I warn you, he's been said to have a small, um, characteristic persay...."[/b] Sir Annsie began to walk faster.

She finally found herself outside of the forrest, whether Richard was behind her or near her, Sir Annsie did not know. She just wanted to be out in the open. Looking up, Sir Annsie spotted a large, bustling city. She smiled and started to head down the trail towards the city.
*fade into techno music*[/color][/i][/size]

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo]The dirty Lecherous French man, Lance Elliot, continued hurrying through the woods with careful abandon. Still quite angry about the small black spot on his shirt, a distracted Lance bounded over a small shrub and bumped into a man wearing a shiny brass helmet.

?Argh!,? the helmeted man bellowed, ?ye made me piss all over me leg!?

?Well maybe if your hands weren?t so small, your aim would be better you oaf? Lance exclaimed in an attempted condescending fashion.

?That doesn?t make a bit of sense,? the urine stained man replied. ?Wouldn?t it be better if you said ?maybe if your manhood wasn?t so small, your aim would be better???

?You are absolutely right!? said an astonished Lance. ?Forgive me for being so rude, but I am French.?

?Ahhh, well with insult you would never have guessed it?wait a minute! You are that dirty French bastard that I caught gang banging hens in my chicken coup last week!? The brass helmeted man tried to lunge at Lance but lost his footing on a pool of his own urine. The helmeted man fell onto a sharp, pointy tree stump impaling and instantly killing him.

?Few!? muttered the lecherous French man. ?These woods are dangerous; perhaps it would be best if I traveled incognito.? Lance took the impaled man?s brass helmet and put it on his head. Even though Lance detested wearing such a heavy, sweaty item he knew that if it spared his life the dank stench would be worth it.

Lance headed towards the clearing and instantly encountered a large group of men, the same men that wished to see him dead?[/color]

[Shinmaru]

[size=1]With a fresh patsy by his side, Shinny walked confidently through the forest, though he had not as of yet encountered any of the characters involved with this story so far...

"Story?" Shinny asked to nobody in particular. "What are you talking about?"

Nothing. Ignore everything I'm saying.

"Right..." Shinny said, whilst raising an eyebrow into the air.

"Massster..." Jeebes said, with a noticable, and annoying, lisp. "Where are we going, masssster?"

"Hmm...I'm not sure," Shinny replied. "We're searching for the Holy OtakuBot, but I really have no idea where it could be. The last time I saw it, the Holy OtakuBot was next to my autographed portrait of Jesus on my bedside table."

"You have an autographed portrait of Jesus?"

"Yep. Signed by Jesus himself."

"..."

"What?"

"Nevermind..."

Ignoring the fact that Shinny was obviously lying (Jesus is too stingy to sign portraits, as everyone knows), he and Jeebes trudged on through the forest. They soon came to a bridge, where a troll jumped out to greet them.

"Halt! Who goes there?!" the ugly green troll screeched. Shinny stepped forward with an outstretched hand.

"I am [silly British accent]King Shinmaru John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt III esq[/silly British accent]," Shinny said with a barely (ahem) noticable accent.

"Weren't you the one who got exiled from the kingdom?"

"How did you know about that?!" Shinny asked increduously.

"Oh come on, it's in all the tabloids," the troll answered. Shinny made a mental note to spread nasty rumors about the people who ran the tabloids.

"Well, nevermind about that," Shinny said, evading the subject. "We require passage across the bridge."

"I'm afraid I can not allow that," the troll answered.

"Come on? Please!" Shinny got on his knees and begged.

"...you turned to beggary much faster than the others who usually come here," the troll remarked.

"Yes, well..." Shinny stammered.

"Look...I'll let you cross the bridge if you can answer three simple riddles," the troll offered.

"Done," Shinny said.

"Okay..." the troll started. "First riddle: what is black and white and read all over?"

Shinny stared back at the troll with a blank look on his face.

"Oh come on!" the troll yelled. "This is simple!"

Shinny threw a rock at the troll in response; the rock struck him between the eyes and killed him on contact. Shinny started walking by the troll's dead body without a second thought.

"Even I knew the answer to that one," Jeebes said.

"Quiet you," Shinny replied.[/size]

[Ben]

"Thank the stars above!" came a creaky old voice.

An old man scooted out from behind a tree. He was short, with a ratty blue robe and hat. His beard was matted and not too clean. King Shinny watched as the old man stepped closer, then tripped on the hem of his robe and fell face first into the ground.

"Ow."

"Who are you?" demanded King Shinny. "And why do you thank stars? All they do is pose for the smelly, nasty, no-good, rotten people at the tabloids and get 55-hour marriages!"

"Sssssir. I think I have heard of thissss old man." lisped Jeebes. "I think he is Random."

"The warm goose frolicks in the meadow, but the green wombat stands alone!" shouted the man, springing suddenly to his feet.

"That he is, Jeebes. Very random." King Shinny picked up a stick and poked the old man.

"I am not Random!" sputtered the old man. "I am his apprentice, Ishap, Wizard of Mishap! Tremble and despair!"

King Shinny looked unimpressed. Jeebes merely drooled.

"Well, I am [silly British accent]King Shinmaru John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt III esq[/silly British accent]." he kicked Jeebes in the side of the leg. "This is my patsy, Jeebes."

"You're going on a quest." said Ishap.

"How'd you know that?!" exclaimed King Shinny.

"My friend Michael told me after I explained all about the little boys back at the orphanage." replied Ishap.

"Orphanage? What orphanage?" King Shinny was getting confused.

"The one I was kicked out of."

"Which one is that?"

"It's somewhere in that direction, just past the fog."

"Most orphanages don't take care of people past their seventies."

"Oh, I'm not that old. I'm only nine." King Shinny stared. Then he hung his head. "Whatever. Would you like to come with me?"

"-try to crush the polar bear next time instead of feeding it cheese." Ishap was talking to the bark of a tree.

It suddenly began to rain. Shinny and Jeebes both ran up under the tree with Ishap to get out of the rain. Ishap continued to instruct the tree on various ways of ridding itself of large predators.

"-and then you launch the moon at it."

"Why do they call you the wizard of mishap, anyways?" asked King Shinny.

"Because unfortunate things tend to happen to me and those around me." came the unexpectedly coherant response.

"Oh."

The tree was then struck by lightning.

[Shinmaru]

OOC: This will be the first of, hopefully, few posts that I will have to do as Baron von French Guy. I would really rather a new person came in to take over the character...remember, if you're interested in playing this character, then sign up in the old recruitment thread.

[size=1]A castle on top of a mountain...innocent looking...well, at least, as innocent as a castle on top of a mountain can be. The pasty whiteness of the full moon shines down upon the lair of the vilest of the vile...the slimiest of the slime...only a certain group of people live here...the French. And now, with the permission of the censors, we take you to...[/size]

[size=5]Ze Luh-air of Ze Fwench! *dun dun dunnnnn dramatic reverb*[/size]

[size=1]A lone figure sits on top of a highly decorated throne. Dressed completely in white, the man is bored as he stares down at the peons before him. How dare they even think of approach him? After all, he was Baron von French Guy...the Frenchiest of the French. Hell, he was so French, he had his next fifty surrenders for various wars booked in advance. Yep, this was one French son of a bitch.

"Mastair?" one of the peons said. "We come with infairmatione!"

"Well, zen," Baron von French Guy said condescendingly. "Tell me of zis!"

"We received word zat King Shinny is looking for ze Holy OotakuBot!" the Frenchman said as a frog leaped out of his pants.

"Hmm...zis is not good. Send out the French National Guard!"

The Frenchman signaled and two snobbish artists and the guy from the Matrix Reloaded who likes to wipe his ass with silk walked into the room.

"Presenting...the French National Guard!"

"Excellent...we shall be unstoppable!" Everyone in the room paused and laughed an extremely and overwhelmingly French laugh. After this, everyone strolled pretentiously out of the room, leaving Baron von French Guy alone. He called forth one of his peons to speak with him.

"The head peon...he is very French. Almost [i]too[/i] French...have him executed via ze guillotine."

"Yes, sair." The peon left, as Baron von French Guy laughed an evil French laugh. What a jerk, eh?

"I didn't ask for your opinion, you silly American!"

I'm English.

"Same difference."[/size]

[Ben]

"Ow."

"Ouchth."

"Soft owl wax."

King Shinny groaned and sat up. The tree had exploded, sending him, Jeebes, and Ishap flying through the air and into some mud. They all had splinters in all sorts of unmentionable parts, including their backs and necks.

Ishap got to his feet and began picking splinters out of his arms. There were a lot of them, though, and he soon got frustrated. "I know!" he exclaimed. "I'll just use magic to get them all out!"

"Crap. Thith won't be good Thir." Jeebes [strike]lithped[/strike] lisped.

Ishap began to chant.

"Heart of furry wart,
pitfall of bwee,
get all of these damned slivers,
out of them and me!"

Instantly, the sky lit up with lightning and thunder boomed loudly. The slivers slowly and painlessly removed themselves from the three adventurers and formed piles at their feet.

"Whoah. It worked." said King Shinny.

Then something rubbed up against his leg. The slivers had formed a wooden sliver snake! The beast hissed, and bit Jeebes in the leg. The leg promptly turned into a well-cooked ham.

Other snakes formed from the rest of the slivers and began advancing on Ishap, King Shinny, and Jeebes. Ishap strode up and took a bite out of Jeebes' leg.

"I like it a little rarer than this." he complained.

Ishap was disappointed. Nothing was going right. First his sliver-removing spell turned the slivers into snakes, and then Jeebes' leg was undercooked. What else could go wrong?

"Who's saying that, anyways?" asked Ishap.

"The narrator." replied King Shinny, watching as Jeebes sniffed experimentally at his leg.

"Hmm, maybe he can be of some use." said Ishap. Ishap waved his hands and the narrator fell out of the sky and into the crowd of oncoming snakes.

"Ow! Hey! You can't do that!" the narrator exclaimed.

"Let's go now, while the snakes are busy." said Ishap. He spun around quickly and accidently tripped over a bear cub. The cub's nearby mother was not happy.

[Annie]

[color=DarkSlateGray][i][size=1][b]Okay, I think it's time for us to continue, don't ya think? I mean, I was just getting into this and I had to leave. I would like to try to bring it back to life. If not, then....okay..>.>[/b]


:Where were we? *long, akward silence...* Damn, oh well. I guess we're just going to look for Annsie..:

"Knight, please don't 'ni' anymore. I don't think my bladder can take it anymore!" Sir Annsie performed the delicate, well-known pee-pee dance.

Richard looked curiously at this odd performance. He contemplated for a minute, stared, opened his mouth only to find it suddenly full of...*thinks*..[b]rodent dookie!!![/b] *dramatic music...and Richardt coughing and gagging*

"I warned you!" Sir Annsie pointed.

"I wasn't going to do it! I swear!!" Richard began to sob.

Sir Annsie glared then began to walk. Richard followed relentlessly, sobbing and choking. The two ventured the meadows for hours before Annsie decided she had to strangle this knight.

"STOP!!!! I BEGETH YOU!!!!" Richard lay helpless on the ground.

*dirt flies, sods of mud and grass shoot out..Sir Annsie stands above her victim*

"I said stop trying to ruffle my armor! It was custom made!!!"

*odd silence, the two stare*

Annsie was about to continue her beating Richard with the shovel until she heard a distrubing chant. Something about farts and splinters. Richard also heard and slowly crawled to his feet.

"I hear other life forms..I must go and grace them with my irresistable nudeness!" Richard began to make his way into the woods.

"NO!!" Sir Annsie dashed after him, tripping on a very large rock and falling face first into a puddle of mud, "@$!@^%!^%!$*^*&^$#$#!!!!!!!"

[/size][size=3][b]CENSOR[/b][/size][/color][/i]